Like Tree2Likes
  • 1 Post By CaptainKangaroo5691
  • 1 Post By Trigger10ten

Thread: Joke request

  1. #1
    Forum Member
    CruiserClass's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Indianapolis IN
    Posts
    5,097

    Joke request

    Somewhere on the forum someone posted a "schedule" that laid out what each rank did each day. It was laid out like the classic military joke about the super powers of rank but instead of powers was what they were doing each hour. If someone remembers it or can find it, I'd appreciate it. I've been searching for half an hour and can't come up with it.

    In the meantime, the military rank superpower list:

    GENERAL:

    Leaps tall buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water amid typhoons, gives policy to God.

    COLONEL:

    Leaps short buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if sea is calm, talks to God.

    LT. COLONEL:

    Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is faster than a speeding BB, walks on water in indoor swimming pool, talks to God if a DA-4187 request form is approved.

    MAJOR:

    Barely clears Quonset hut, loses tug-of-war with switch-engine, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, is occasionally addressed by God.

    CAPTAIN:

    Makes high marks by trying to leap buildings, is run over by locomotive, can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury, dog paddles, talks to animals.

    1ST LIEUTENANT:

    Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotives two out of three times, is not issued ammunition, can stay afloat if properly instructed in the Mae-West, talks to walls.

    2ND LIEUTENANT:

    Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings, says look at the Choo-Choo, wets himself, plays in mud puddles, mumbles to himself.

  2. #2
    Forum Member

    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    1,746
    Not what you're looking for but it's somewhat related.
    sanitizer likes this.

  3. #3
    Professor of Stuff
    asullivan's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    O.COM, Sector 69
    Posts
    14,890
    Quote Originally Posted by CruiserClass View Post
    Somewhere on the forum someone posted a "schedule" that laid out what each rank did each day. It was laid out like the classic military joke about the super powers of rank but instead of powers was what they were doing each hour. If someone remembers it or can find it, I'd appreciate it. I've been searching for half an hour and can't come up with it.

    In the meantime, the military rank superpower list:

    GENERAL:

    Leaps tall buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water amid typhoons, gives policy to God.

    COLONEL:

    Leaps short buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if sea is calm, talks to God.

    LT. COLONEL:

    Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is faster than a speeding BB, walks on water in indoor swimming pool, talks to God if a DA-4187 request form is approved.

    MAJOR:

    Barely clears Quonset hut, loses tug-of-war with switch-engine, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, is occasionally addressed by God.

    CAPTAIN:

    Makes high marks by trying to leap buildings, is run over by locomotive, can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury, dog paddles, talks to animals.

    1ST LIEUTENANT:

    Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotives two out of three times, is not issued ammunition, can stay afloat if properly instructed in the Mae-West, talks to walls.

    2ND LIEUTENANT:

    Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings, says look at the Choo-Choo, wets himself, plays in mud puddles, mumbles to himself.

    Sire Officer'z,

    Looky at da' thready thingy abovE'z 'dis here'S one...




    Da' Admiral and his faiThful'z sidekick's...
















    That bastard got me
    unjustly hooked up..
    From da' land O' nervous sheep.
    Quote Originally Posted by crass cop View Post
    who cares....was she hot??
    Quote Originally Posted by mookster View Post
    Sully, usually I hafta glance over your posts cuz my brain would have issues with the imagery you portray, however with that one I get it. And I agree one hundred percent with ya.
    Quote Originally Posted by CityCopDC View Post
    I swear to god you are not human. I have seen enough episodes of X-Files to know a rogue VI (Virtual Inteligence) when I see one.
    Currently Being Ignored by

    1) NYC Queeny.
    2) Officer retired.

  4. #4
    Forum Member

    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    DooDad HeaVen
    Posts
    184
    An everbody keeps thinkin" "I just don't understand why they don't like me. I beat 'um and poop on 'um, and they dstill don't love me......???????....."

    Amazing................................
    sanitizer likes this.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Log in

Click here to log in or register