Joke request

[CruiserClass]

Somewhere on the forum someone posted a "schedule" that laid out what each rank did each day. It was laid out like the classic military joke about the super powers of rank but instead of powers was what they were doing each hour. If someone remembers it or can find it, I'd appreciate it. I've been searching for half an hour and can't come up with it.

In the meantime, the military rank superpower list:

GENERAL:

Leaps tall buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water amid typhoons, gives policy to God.

COLONEL:

Leaps short buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if sea is calm, talks to God.

LT. COLONEL:

Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is faster than a speeding BB, walks on water in indoor swimming pool, talks to God if a DA-4187 request form is approved.

MAJOR:

Barely clears Quonset hut, loses tug-of-war with switch-engine, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, is occasionally addressed by God.

CAPTAIN:

Makes high marks by trying to leap buildings, is run over by locomotive, can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury, dog paddles, talks to animals.

1ST LIEUTENANT:

Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotives two out of three times, is not issued ammunition, can stay afloat if properly instructed in the Mae-West, talks to walls.

2ND LIEUTENANT:

Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings, says look at the Choo-Choo, wets himself, plays in mud puddles, mumbles to himself.

[leeheydon]

Not what you're looking for but it's somewhat related.

[asullivan]

Somewhere on the forum someone posted a "schedule" that laid out what each rank did each day. It was laid out like the classic military joke about the super powers of rank but instead of powers was what they were doing each hour. If someone remembers it or can find it, I'd appreciate it. I've been searching for half an hour and can't come up with it.

In the meantime, the military rank superpower list:

GENERAL:

Leaps tall buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water amid typhoons, gives policy to God.

COLONEL:

Leaps short buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if sea is calm, talks to God.

LT. COLONEL:

Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is faster than a speeding BB, walks on water in indoor swimming pool, talks to God if a DA-4187 request form is approved.

MAJOR:

Barely clears Quonset hut, loses tug-of-war with switch-engine, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, is occasionally addressed by God.

CAPTAIN:

Makes high marks by trying to leap buildings, is run over by locomotive, can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury, dog paddles, talks to animals.

1ST LIEUTENANT:

Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotives two out of three times, is not issued ammunition, can stay afloat if properly instructed in the Mae-West, talks to walls.

2ND LIEUTENANT:

Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings, says look at the Choo-Choo, wets himself, plays in mud puddles, mumbles to himself.

Sire Officer'z,

Looky at da' thready thingy abovE'z 'dis here'S one...




Da' Admiral and his faiThful'z sidekick's...

That bastard got me
unjustly hooked up..

[Trigger10ten]

An everbody keeps thinkin" "I just don't understand why they don't like me. I beat 'um and poop on 'um, and they dstill don't love me......???????....."

Amazing................................