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Thread: Minimum dating age for an LEO

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    Minimum dating age for an LEO

    Some of you may have heard of a site called "thedirty" which is basically a website where you can upload pictures and a story about someone, 99% are not the type of stories you want on the internet. It is essentially the 21st century version of a bathroom wall.

    Well there is one section for "dirty cops", not the "dirty" that most cops think of, but rather dirt on cops usually about relationships.

    I was directed to one such posting about a small PD officer in my state. This particular officer looks to be 24. The post went on to say he is dating a girl who just graduated high school, so 18-9 years old. Of course the post makes it worse that this officer was the high school SRO. The post was basically bashing this officer for dating a 18-9 year old girl.

    The post has been the talk of some of my coworkers. While obviously there is no legal problems with this relationship since the girl is atleast 18, the big question is should an officer be dating someone this young? A large majority of us say that when you become an LEO you should only date people 21+, no matter how young the LEO is. However some have said she is 18 so there is no problem. This definitely is a moral/ethical issue rather then a legal issue.

    So my question is, once you become an LEO is the minimum dating age now 21+?

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    Quote Originally Posted by wildlife97 View Post
    Some of you may have heard of a site called "thedirty" which is basically a website where you can upload pictures and a story about someone, 99% are not the type of stories you want on the internet. It is essentially the 21st century version of a bathroom wall.

    Well there is one section for "dirty cops", not the "dirty" that most cops think of, but rather dirt on cops usually about relationships.

    I was directed to one such posting about a small PD officer in my state. This particular officer looks to be 24. The post went on to say he is dating a girl who just graduated high school, so 18-9 years old. Of course the post makes it worse that this officer was the high school SRO. The post was basically bashing this officer for dating a 18-9 year old girl.

    The post has been the talk of some of my coworkers. While obviously there is no legal problems with this relationship since the girl is atleast 18, the big question is should an officer be dating someone this young? A large majority of us say that when you become an LEO you should only date people 21+, no matter how young the LEO is. However some have said she is 18 so there is no problem. This definitely is a moral/ethical issue rather then a legal issue.

    So my question is, once you become an LEO is the minimum dating age now 21+?
    Her being 18 and him being the school SRO would get him into VERY deep crap out here....esp. if he was the SRO while she was still in school
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    It's late December. All high school graduations I can recall have happened in May or June. I'm not sure I'd call 6 months later as 'just' graduated.

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    I used to be a para-professional within public education.

    18 and out of school was pretty much the minimal cut-off for educators who hooked up with former students. I don't see why it would be any different for LEOs.

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    It's more of a maturity issue than an age issue.
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    The cop is still a person regardless of what he does for a living. Yes we are held to higher standards and all but he is still a guy.

    Could the relationship have started when he was working and she was going to school, maybe? Are there possible legality issues there, possibly? But the fact is what’s the difference if he was a college senior working on either a BA/Master and she a college freshmen? The career choice? It comes down to personal bases and morals, for a lack of a better word. Would I personally have dated someone that young nope, because I enjoyed going to bars and pool halls where you had to be 21+, but that was me.

    Like LADep said here in CA he would be standing tall in the Captain's office.
    I'd rather be judged by 12 rather carried by 6.

    It should be noted that any and all post that are made or based on my own thought and opinions.

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    Quote Originally Posted by merlin436 View Post
    It's late December. All high school graduations I can recall have happened in May or June. I'm not sure I'd call 6 months later as 'just' graduated.
    The posting was made this summer.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Susan99 View Post
    How does anyone know that anything posted there is accurate? (Answer: they don't.
    It could be vindictive.)
    There are some very "interesting" pictures of the two individuals together. This isn't just a text posting.

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    Quote Originally Posted by TheTick View Post
    It's more of a maturity issue than an age issue.
    That's exactly what one of my female coworkers brought up. She went on to say this may be a stand up officer who is mature in his work life, but when it comes to dating/women he may be a few years behind..

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    Any cop who dates a 18-20 y/o better follow the laws of his/her state in regards to what the under 21 can/can't do. Buying or supplying liquor to someone under 21 will get you in trouble.

    If a cop is taking his/her 18-20 y/o date to Bible study & Disneyland/world, great. Any trips to countries with less stringent alcohol laws, okay, whatever.

    But getting back to this alleged SRO dating a (just months) former student - WTF is he thinking? It sometimes isn't safe for 30-40 y/o virile males to be in the garden of "pretty maids all in a row" but 24? Which admin weenie/supervisor thought that was a good idea?
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    Not a smart move to date a former student you meet as a SRO, but it's far from illegal. I'm an SRO and there is no way in hell I'd date a former student (and I'm younger than 24 BTW).
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    I agree being an SRO and dating a former student is bad.

    However the big discussion between us is, should an LEO be dating someone that young?

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    I volunteer at a school. One of the females who graduated a couple years ago thought it would be a good idea for us to go out. When she graduated, she thought it would be a good idea. I told her to go off to college, meet a few guys her age and see how things go. She's back now and was still interested in getting together. I finally broke down and told her how old I was and that I have high school classmates with daughters older than she is. She finally got the message and will seek my advice, but is no longer romantically interested.

    I strongly advise against dating anyone met in a school setting where you are assigned to the school. It could turn out badly all around.

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    Quote Originally Posted by wildlife97 View Post
    I agree being an SRO and dating a former student is bad.

    However the big discussion between us is, should an LEO be dating someone that young?
    It depends, would you object if the officer is 21 and the female is 18 or 19? Take away being a cop, and that age difference is normal.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Susan99 View Post
    But that isn't the situation under discussion - it is a six year age difference, not a two year one.

    The real question is: if your 18 yo sister, or 18 yo daughter, were dating someone six years older, would that potentially be an issue for you?
    Correct, I know the topic that was first posed. However, then the question became "However the big discussion between us is, should an LEO be dating someone that young?"

    The SRO/Student is clearly a bad choice. However wildlife97 made it more general. In reality, this is vastly more about the age difference than it is LE dating a younger girl. If the girl is 19, she's a adult for all intents (other than drinking).

    Where are we going to draw the age gap line? If 6 years is too much, how about 4? If 4 is ok, is 5 a grey area? See where I'm going with this? I've meet several 19 year old that could pass as having the judgement of someone much older, and a few that I think a 12 year old could out smart.
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    Some cops are cops and other cops are just frat boys. Just looking back on my 30 years I would have to bet that this will not end nicely.

    SRO and a former student, Police officer and a explorer, FTO and a trainee, etc, etc. 98% odds of an ‘epic fail’ and somebody will end up dead, in prison, unemployed …
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    First off, she is 18 so there is no crime being committed. Second, I'm not his boss so I don't care about policy. Most importantly she isn't my daughter so I don't care about her morality.

    Having said that, being an SRO and getting caught with a student/recent graduate would cost you your shield around here.
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    Just like I'd find former teacher/student relationships inappropriate, I think the SRO/former student element is the problem, not the age gap.

    I personally never dated anyone after high school who was less than 5 years older than I, and there was one who was closer to 10 years older when I was 20 (he was 29 and a grad student while I was an undergrad).
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    I dont know why you would want to date an 18 year old, GAWD.

    I am 25 and I recently dated a 22 year old college student for a short period of time. I could not do it. I have never left a relationship so quickly nor in a such a clean-break/GONE fashion.
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    Quote Originally Posted by headonstraight View Post
    I dont know why you would want to date an 18 year old, GAWD.

    I am 25 and I recently dated a 22 year old college student for a short period of time. I could not do it. I have never left a relationship so quickly nor in a such a clean-break/GONE fashion.
    So you plan on only dating girls that are 23 and up? Like CACBAND said some or more mature than others so no reason to limit yourself.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Crazed View Post
    So you plan on only dating girls that are 23 and up? Like CACBAND said some or more mature than others so no reason to limit yourself.
    Here's what I say, date "cougars". They're usually a lot more financially solvent, so dates often cost less, they're a lot less "clingy" and you'll usually have a lot more fun.

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    My big "issue" is the LEO dating an 18 yr old. If he was 29 and she was 23 nobody would blink an eye at it. But 24 and 18, especially being an LEO just sounds bad to me I guess. And I am not figuring in the whole SRO thing. Maybe to me it is the whole "held to a higher standard" saying.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Crazed View Post
    So you plan on only dating girls that are 23 and up? Like CACBAND said some or more mature than others so no reason to limit yourself.
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    Quote Originally Posted by wildlife97 View Post
    My big "issue" is the LEO dating an 18 yr old. If he was 29 and she was 23 nobody would blink an eye at it. But 24 and 18, especially being an LEO just sounds bad to me I guess. And I am not figuring in the whole SRO thing. Maybe to me it is the whole "held to a higher standard" saying.
    Ok, I see your point of view. Taking out the SRO part, I don't really see the issue personally. So with the SRO taken out what if the LEO was 21 and the girl 18?
    Is the bigger issue 21+ dating a (legal) teenager?
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    I don't think it's a moral or ethical issue, and it's not anyone's business but those 2 people. Once a person reaches the legal age to be a consenting adult, age is just a number. If you're 35, but have the maturity of an 18 year old, than I guess you're suited to dating 18 year olds. But most 35 year olds would have nothing in common with an 18 year old, or for that matter, a 21 year old. So odds are that relationship isn't going to last too long. But sometimes you have an older person who is really immature for their age or you have a younger person who is exceptionally mature for their age. In those cases, maybe it would work out o.k.

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