05-30-2001, 04:10 AM #1MomLuvsUGuest
How can you get a case reopened?
I have a big problem with the police. My daughter had been sexually assaulted by her father and when I took her to the police, they insisted that she speak to a male officer first. He told me that she did not make an outcry and told me that I was emotionally abusing the child and that he would call CPS to make a report. He did.
Later, he amends his report to reflect that my 5-yr-old daughter did make an outcry after I had gone to IAD, and the Citizens' Review Board. But they refuse to reopen the case.
I have had a vey difficult time. They continue to deny me the right to file formal charges on this man.
The problem is complicated with the fact that after she had disclosed the sexual abuse, but before I went to the police, her father filed for divorce. I have posted on a local police site and keep getting a lot of flack. (Calling me crazy, etc.) But, I figure someone needs to know the story. Maybe someone higher up will examine it and I won't get such a hard time when I try to talk to them. The site is wercopsii.
I don't believe that it should be proper procedure for a male officer to speak to a 5-yr-old child about sexual assault. But, even after I went to IAD, they sent two male
officers over that further intimidated and humiliated me and my child. Please..any advice.
05-30-2001, 11:28 AM #2SparkyGuest
"I don't believe that it should be proper procedure for a male officer to speak to a 5-yr-old child about sexual assault."
It would seem logical that you would be right, however, as long as the interviewer was properly trained in conducting child forensic inteviews, the gender of the interviewer is not automatically a barrier to communication.
"The problem is complicated with the fact that after she had disclosed the sexual abuse, but before I went to the police, her father filed for divorce."
Yes. This would complicate things a great deal. According to your statement, your daughter evidently disclosed this abuse to you, but you remained married to the man who was responsible. Now HE has filed for divorce and you decide that you want to file charges. I am sure you see how this would cause problems for a prosecutor.
I try to have enough respect for anybody to tell them the truth, but this may not be what you want to hear.
First off, you need to get your child into counseling with a professional who is specially trained and experienced in dealing with child sex abuse victims.
This will allow an atmosphere in which your daughter may disclose the abuse. If this happens, you may request that the counselor/phsychologist make a report to CPS and the prosecutor's office. (This is likely to be required under your local madated reporting laws anyway.)
1.) Quit worrying about the police.
2.) Quit worrying about your ex-husband.
3.) Get your daughter into counseling.
Whether the initial investigation was "proper" or not doesn't matter. Whether your ex is in jail right now or not doesn't matter. What matters MOST is your daughter.
This type of situation is one in which you need professinal help. Get your daughter the help that she needs to deal with this. If there is a case to be made against your ex, it will happen in time. These cases are EXTREMELY difficult to prove in criminal court. You must be patient and put first things first.
And right now, the first thing is your daughter!
I'll keep you and your daugher in my thoughts and prayers.
05-30-2001, 12:57 PM #3Guard DogGuest
I'm not trying to sound offensive but it sounds by the tone of your post that you do not want a male officer to deal with your situation. Just because the officers don't go and lock up your ex right away doesn't mean they aren't doing the right thing. Male detectives can be very good at interviewing little girls.
Do you have any credible evidence? Do you have medical reports indicating abuse? At five years old it is easy to coach a child into saying things they don't even understand. The process of interviewing a chinld is far different that an adult.
Calling IAD did not help yourself one bit. Now every officer that comes to your house is going to be very reluctant to level with you becasue you have shown yourself to be a complaint writer.
In most states if there is a alleged sexual abuse with a child the CPS or DCFS is required to be notified. It is a formality.
The police in most states don't dictate who is charged in felony cases such as this. That decision rests with the DA or SAO. For charges to be made the evidence must sustain the offense. With a five year old that is very hard to prove without medical testimony.
05-30-2001, 01:01 PM #4GlockarmorerGuestOriginally posted by MomLuvsU:
I have a big problem with the police...
No cops, know anarchy.
"He aint finna come all up in my house and act a fool and be gettin away with it cause I will go smooth off." -Movista
05-30-2001, 07:12 PM #5MomLuvsUGuest
Her father is part of a group called "Father for Equal Rights" and they are very aggressive in getting custody for abusers. Her father has been able to get a protective order on me based on false affidavits and perjured testimony on the stand. I am only permitted to see my child in a supervised setting that is court-approved. Although, my daughter has outcried in these sessions, she is ignored. When she does this, we are no longer permitted to see one another for a time. They insist that I am trying to have her make false allegations against him.
This man has openly admitted under oath (twice) that he fondled his 12-yr-old daughter from a previous marriage. But, this is also ignored by nearly everyone--especially the police. IAD sent out 2 male officers to answer the complaint and I was intimidated and humiliated by these men. They accused me of having typed up the transcripts myself to try to get someone to believe the accusations against her father. As well, they intimidated my little girl. She was afraid of them. I will never forget the evening that they came to see us and left. My daughter and I both felt so hopeless and despaired.
It wasn't long after this that her father tried to have me committed and then filed for a protective order and got it.
I had tried repeatedly to get a protective order against him, but was denied. I just can't understand it. As well, she has outcried to others, but the reports are closed administravily at CPS due to the family court judge's orders to do so. This is documented. CPS workers have called me from their homes and told me that they certainly beleived that my child was being sexually abused, but that their supervisors kept shutting down the case. They told me to try to get media attention.
One CPS worker insisted that if I did not get this man prosecuted that I would be guilty of child endangerment. But, I have repeatedly tried to file charges against him on her behalf. The DPD refuse to allow me to do this. Isn't this "official oppression?"
But, where do you go to complain about this? I have written and talked to so many people over the last 3 years, but keep hitting brick walls. Even the attorneys that are supposed to be working for me, have lied and kept me in the dark all in an effort to make sure this man has this child. I am weary and do not know where to go or whom to trust anymore. I am not getting answers that make ANY sense to me from anyone. I am only called horrible and humiliating names by the police and CPS and the DAs office.
05-30-2001, 07:36 PM #6MomLuvsUGuest
I did try to get the medical evidence by taking her to the CMC Reach team. They denied her services here, stating that they had to have her father's permission for the services. I explained that her father would obviously not be willing to do this. A little over a week later, I was arrested at her school and taken to a psychiatric ward on OPC, drugged to unconsciousness and moved to another hospital. When I became alert, I was told that I had seen a doctor and that I had been committed to the state hospital in Terrell.
I had been threatened with this from her father's attorney and her father. My little girl even tried to warn me. But, I did not believe something like this was possible.
Praise God, there were people that knew what was going on and they sent over a public defender and a magistrate and copies of the court transcripts were shown and audiotapes of the other child victim's description of his sexual abuse of her, and I was released. But, by this time, her father had taken her out of state.
He was able to get his protective order in spite of the testimony of a child advocacy group member testifying to the witness of my daughter's outcries of sexual abuse by her father. My attorney told me that the judge obviously did not believe them, but believed the perjured testimony of her father. I was then court-ordered to have no contact whatsoever with my child, save the court-appointed visitation at $120 per hour.
05-30-2001, 08:28 PM #7EvningsGuest
Tired of just posting on the Dallas board Mom?
05-30-2001, 08:33 PM #8StormTrooperGuest
I think I agree with Sparky's advice when he said:
Whether the initial investigation was "proper" or not doesn't matter. Whether your ex is in jail right now or not doesn't matter. What matters MOST is your daughter.
You've been at this 3 years and then one day at 4:10 am you post here seeking info. You really do need to get some sleep (I know, easier said than done) and get the needed help for yourself.
I'm curious -- if you can only have supervised visits -- and this is ongoing for 3 yrs.... who's had custody of your daughter during this time?
It seems that that not only the police investigators, but Judge(s), CPS Supervisor(s) and others have come to the same conclusion. Either they're all nuts and it's a conspiracy against you (I doubt it, they should be too busy for that) or they have concluded something that you choose not to accept.
Please dont take this post as a slam, it's certainly not meant to be. Good luck and I really do hope all works out.
05-30-2001, 09:18 PM #9PatrickM98Guest
My girlfriend's sister had the same problem as you did with a husband who was abusing both her and her son. She didn't have a problem at all getting an EPO, assistance from the police, and charges filed. From what I've seen, courts are more likely to believe the words of children in these situations unless there are underlying problems. I'm sure there are things you aren't disclosing, as there would be no reason for people to be 'against you' unless they have a reason to be.
You said one of the social workers said to go to the media...well do that. As anti-police as the media is, and with their desire for big stories, if they won't pursue it, you must have no proof of anything.
Also, what's your deal with male cops? How big is the Garland, TX Police Dept? Do they even have female detectives? Wouldn't you agree that it's better for a male detective that is skilled in investigation methods and questioning to interview you or your daugher than a female officer without that experience?
I don't know what you expect now since you've gone to IAD because you didn't get what you want. You go and complain about the officers because you don't like how they wrote their report, yet you expect them to re-open the case and bend over backwards for you? I don't think so. Burning bridges with the police is not the thing to do when you need their help.
Originally posted by MomLuvsU:
Her father is part of a group called "Father for Equal Rights" and they are very aggressive in getting custody for abusers.
I still agree with the other posters. If the officers, judges, and social workers all side with the father, then there is a reason for that.
[This message has been edited by PatrickM98 (edited 05-30-2001).]
05-30-2001, 09:39 PM #10MomLuvsUGuest
I want to make clear to you the problem that initiated all of this.
My daughter at first only told me that her father had been making "his nozzle big" while I was away at work. At first, I thought she was talking about his nose and thought nothing of it. Sexual abuse NEVER entred my mind. Later, however, my daughter saw a neighbor boy undressed and commented on his little nozzle. I was stunned. I immediately asked her about the nozzle situation and her father. She was very afraid. When her father came home that day, I confronted him. He nearly convinced me that she had seen him in the shower or something. I was not sure about the situation and felt uncomfortable. I told him that I wanted to go and visit with my mother about 4 hours away for a while and made plans to go. (My daughter had showed some additional signs of having been sexually abused, masturbation, pooping in her pants and a fear of being left alone with her father.)
Her father unbeknownst to me, immediately moved all the money to a separate account and filed for divorce with a restraining order that prevented me from leaving. I was afraid because he is a very manipulative man. He continued to have the restraining orders reissued. I made a series of terrible mistakes.
First, it was very hard for me to believe that he could have done this. I didn't want to believe that this had happened right under my nose. And, I was very much in love with my husband, in spite of his manipulative and controlling behavior. I realize that this is a problem that stems from my own childhood with a very manipulative and controlling father and somewhat distorted and unhealthy view of what it means to be female.
Second, I trusted CPS, the courts and the police to do what would be in the best interest of the child. They did not.
My child was manipulated by her father not to disclose their "secret" as that it would certainly cause a divorce. My small child understandably want to risk this.
After I learned from one of his co-workers about the sexual assault of his daughter from a previous marriage, I subpoenaed her to court for a hearing where I was asking for only supervised visitation for my daughter's father. The former victim did not show up for court to testify against him due to her vehicle being mysteriously arsoned. The judge told me "It would not have mattered if she had testified that he had raped her 20 times a day for the past 20 years, that he still had a right to visit alone with his child." When I pleaded for my daughter's safety, explaining that her father filed for divorce after having been confronted with sexually abusing her and that my daughter was now seeing a play-therapist, she became quite angry with me.
This judge then stated "That if I did not give my child to this man for visitation, that she would personally see that I went to jail and would never see my child again. Have I made myself clear?"
The orders signed by the judge from this hearing prevented my daughter from receiving ANY counseling without specific court approval, and gave her father unsupervised visitation.
When my daughter returned from a visit telling me that she had been sexually abused by her father, I took her to the police department. They refused to allow her to speak to a woman initially. I was told that a preliminary interview would have to be done with a detective from the child abuse unit. My daughter was fearful, but I told her that we could then get some help. I made the mistake of allowing this man to speak to my child. He told me that she did not make any outcry whatsoever and that he was going to report me to CPS for making her make false accusations against her father. I pleaded with him. I gave him the telephone number of the previous victim and described the story in detail. But, he got very angry with me and threatened that he could make sure she was taken away from me. He told me that he knew how to handle b--- like me. My daughter and I were both in tears. Outside the advocacy center, my daughter told me that she had told him of the sexual abuse and that he had tried to get her to say that I had made her say these things. When we went back in to confront him about this, my daughter called him a bad man and a liar. He yelled down at her, "What did I lie about?" She covered her face and was afraid. He then had security have us removed from the building. He then called CPS and reported that I was emotionally and physically abusive to my daughter. This was then used against me by her father to discredit the abuse charges. He was later given primary custody even after he admitted on the stand to having fondled the other child.
05-30-2001, 10:14 PM #11EvningsGuest
Mom, youre problem is really out of the capability of anyone here to help you with. If what you are saying is true, you need to contact an attorney and sort out your problems with the Police Department in court if you haven't gotten satisfaction going through IAD. Your custody problems need to be settled in court. There are pleanty of lawyers swimming around that love to take police departments to court. I think Dallas has more than its fair share. As for fighting the fathers rights group, try talking with some of the womans advocacy programs in Dallas.
I am truly sorry for all the pain your daughter has gone through.Youre going to be hard pressed to get you and your daughters problems settled on police internet boards.
Slamming cops and police departments on the internet is not going to help your cause.
05-30-2001, 10:43 PM #12MomLuvsUGuest
Her father has had custody of her allthis time. She has been living with her father and his male roommate since he was given custody.
For a year, the three of them lived in a tiny one-bedroom apartment in Dallas. CPS went once to this house to investigate, but found nothing wrong with this situation.
As I stated before, they could not find anything wrong due to the judge's orders that no intake calls for sexual abuse on her father be further investigated during this particular investigation.
05-31-2001, 11:05 AM #13SparkyGuest
While I sympathtize with your need for a catharsis here, your situation is beyond the scope of what anyone here can do for you.
Indeed, know one will have a magic wand that they can wave to make all of this better.
Evidently, the father has custody of your daughter. To change that, you will have to have an attorney.
You initially wanted to know what could be done to get the case re-opened...
It doesn't sound like getting the case re-opened is going to solve all of these problems.
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