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  1. #1
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    Bloopers on the Radio

    Just wondering how many have had that moment on the radio where you totally butcher what you are attempting to say.
    For starters:
    I've had a few traffic stops where I attempt to give the registration number to "County" and have a hard time recalling the phonetic alphabet.
    OR
    Give the location over the radio, while pronouncing it wrong.
    OR
    Spell the location over the radio, while spelling it wrong.

    Any type of bloopers, fire away, I need a good laugh.

  2. #2
    Verbal Sniper Smurfette_76's Avatar
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    There are already a couple of threads regarding this topic, but new ones are always good for a laugh.

    One of my Sgts told the rookie Saturday night that the "breast way to respond to Main Street was to go around the RR track"


    I don't agree with your opinion, but I respect its straightforwardness in terms of wrongness.

  3. #3
    Specialist BOHICA NJLAWMAN214's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smurfette_76 View Post
    There are already a couple of threads regarding this topic, but new ones are always good for a laugh.

    One of my Sgts told the rookie Saturday night that the "breast way to respond to Main Street was to go around the RR track"
    When I was a rookie, I called out a traffic stop at the intersection of FOCH Ave and XYZ St and mispronounced FOCH for another 4 letter word. The Chief heard it over the radio (dayshift) and asked my Sgt. to speak to me. Needless to say, I learned the proper way to pronounce the street, lol.
    " The Beatings will continue until Morale Improves "

  4. #4
    Verbal Sniper Smurfette_76's Avatar
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    We have Shinnecock...pronounced Shin-e-cock. Disptacher called it Shiny-cock.


    I don't agree with your opinion, but I respect its straightforwardness in terms of wrongness.

  5. #5
    Police Officer Michigan's Avatar
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    I messed up the phonetic alphabet during a traffic stop one time. I went blank and couldn't remember a letter/name.. Sure enough a few minutes later my phone started to blow up with everyone making fun of me. : ( Messing up on the radio is a sure way to be the butt of the jokes for the next few days/weeks.
    "The sheep generally do not like the sheepdog. He looks a lot like the wolf. He has fangs and the capacity for violence...
    Still, the sheepdog disturbs the sheep. He is a constant reminder that there are wolves in the land... The sheep would much rather have the sheepdog cash in his fangs, spray paint himself white, and go, “Baa."
    Until the wolf shows up. Then the entire flock tries desperately to hide behind one lonely sheepdog."
    -Lt. Col. Dave Grossman

  6. #6
    Off topic poster mookster's Avatar
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    One of mine was when I was going to a disturbance between two guys arguing. I was 5 minutes out exiting the interstate when dispatch asked me for my location and ETA. My answer to them was "I'm at I-40 and ***** getting off". I heard about that one.

    A recent one my co-worker did was running a Wyoming license plate on a traffic stop. I didn't hear it because it happened right before I checked on. Anyway the story goes, he was running the plate and says "I'm out with Wyoming 123-little horsey-ABC"

    He hasn't heard the last of that.

  7. #7
    Verbal Sniper Smurfette_76's Avatar
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    One of our new guys completely choked on the phonetic alphabet...next thing we hear are words like applesauce, ballerina, eggplant, money....talk about random...and weird!


    I don't agree with your opinion, but I respect its straightforwardness in terms of wrongness.

  8. #8
    Forum Member LawFowl's Avatar
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    My buddy and I were just making fun of someone for saying "Leonard" instead of "Lincoln" on a stop. The very next car he stops he throws a big fat "Leonard" out there...


    We also make fun of the guys with a hispanic accent on the shift. They say certain words funny like William is "Wheelum" and Lincoln is "Leenkin", lol

  9. #9
    Forum Member Viking042900's Avatar
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    When i'm stopping a car and I'm a little amped up, I always mess up the phonetic alphabet. I never stumble, but I'll substitute words without knowing I've done it until the messages start coming in. The other day I said Zelda instead of Zulu. Also, a while back I said Cuba for a "Q".

    When the Nextels were the big thing, a lot of officers would wear thier nextel on one shoulder and their radio mic on the other. Inevitably, officers would key up their radio mic when they meant to hit the nextel. One officer who had ben trying to sneak away for lunch for a couple hours was dispatched to a call inolving a nurse parking in a doctors space at the hospital. His friend hit him up on the nextel and asked him waht he was going to do about it. The officer keyed up his radio and said "Well, I can tell you what I'm not going to do...I'm not going to white her a__ a f____ing ticket just because some ***** doctor had to park his precious BMW a few feet further away."
    Not me...Not my partner...Not on this shift...NOT TODAY!!!

  10. #10
    Forum Member swat_op506's Avatar
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    Dispatcher sent a unit to a stranded motorist call.... the dispatcher stated: "subject is there with the vehicle attempting to jack-it -off".
    The radio was silent for several second s while everyone tried to comprehend and/or believe that this was just put out over the radio.
    ///Golden Moments...
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  11. #11
    Forum Member rgv_cop's Avatar
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    new dispatcher says on radio to "officer X"
    1. Go ahead love
    2. You're not cumming, looooooong silent pause, then she says transmission is breaking up.

    Two seperate occassion during same week and only to that officer, and no, there is nothing between that "officer" and dispatcher. I wonder what Freud would say to that?

    Officer X still hears it from the other guys.
    "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called Sons of God - Matthew 5:9

  12. #12
    An Obvious problem mdrdep's Avatar
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    Dispatch put out a vehicle roll over where the driver ejaculated

    My buddy was in a heck of a shoot out and when it started his voice was jacked up. After a while he got his voice under control and was directing units in and setting his containment. Dispatch asked if all deputies were accounted for and if they needed medical. The radio opens up to the sound of gunshots and "We're still taking rounds biatch".

    Countless times "55H 10-33 I got one at "GET YOUR F%^^% HANDS UP" gunpoint at x and b streets"

    There is a vehicle registered to a "Biach Ho". I keep that plate number and have been known to run it over the radio when bored or peeved at the radio room.
    Today's Quote:


    "Government exists to protect us from each other. Where government has gone beyond its limits is in deciding to protect us from ourselves."


    Ronald Reagan

  13. #13
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    A few years ago, I was riding around with a partner and dispatch called me over the radio. I couldn't understand a word they said, so I said "Repeat your last transaction." My partner looked at me and said "What are you buying?"
    Another time I was riding along with an officer, he stopped a vehicle and gave county the registration "Xray, Xray, Hawaii...." A short time later Chief texted him, "Hawaii??? Really???"

  14. #14
    An Obvious problem mdrdep's Avatar
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    He had his vacation on his mind
    Today's Quote:


    "Government exists to protect us from each other. Where government has gone beyond its limits is in deciding to protect us from ourselves."


    Ronald Reagan

  15. #15
    Barefoot Ninja SRT936's Avatar
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    All time favorite, we had a particularly challenged sheriff a few years back (long since retired). This guy couldn't find his *** with both hands. He gets on the air one day out of the blue and says, "Radio, I've been out of touch for awhile. Is there anything I should know?"

    Quote Originally Posted by mdrdep View Post
    There is a vehicle registered to a "Biach Ho". I keep that plate number and have been known to run it over the radio when bored or peeved at the radio room.
    I've got one that lists to "Harry Balsczak" and another that lists to "*** Yu Tu." I like to break them out whenever there's a new dispatcher training in.
    Quote Originally Posted by kontemplerande View Post
    Without Germany, you would not have won World War 2.
    Strong is what's left when you've used up all your weak.

  16. #16
    NOT banned crass cop's Avatar
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    We have a "Long Wang" registered owner; someone with the last name "Assman"......
    Had an officer advise he would be out with a white male wearing a shirt that read Moustache Rides
    on alarms with an unsecured back door, I advise "we will be making a rear entry" or a "back door entry"
    "Lighten da' cargo...Fer' a chick wid' big boobs...cause I like boobs, big boobs...."
    Da Admiral Sully

    "To the open-carry nut-rider, a firearm is his persona, a soap-box, and his reason for being. By strapping one on, he proclaims to the world, 'even though I didn't get hugs as a kid, somebody's going to By Golly pay attention to me now'."
    slamdunc

  17. #17
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    We had a teletype come broadcasting a "be on the look out" for a man armed with a sh*t gun, not a shot gun. We thought that would be pretty nasty to be shot with.

    Another was when an office ran a Driver's License check by name and DOB for a "Phuc Yu Dang".
    Ut humiliter opinor

  18. #18
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    We have one dispatcher who can be heard eating while dispatching (she's very, very large) so for an entire night my phonetic alphabet was all food items:

    "Dispatch I'll be out with Twinkie HoHo Cupcake 124"
    "Dispatch code that call a P-Pizza"

  19. #19
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    Not too long ago an officer asked if I needed help on an accident. I responded over the air "Nah, this is just a quick rear ending"... totally didn't mean for it to come out like that

  20. #20
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    Used "Horse" instead of Henry, and "Unicorn" instead of "Union" in one night. That was me. Had a "my little pony" sticker on my locker the next morning.

  21. #21
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    Many times if there is another unit with us, we will say they are backing us. So when a job is over you say thank all the units, but one time this person said "thank all the units for coming on my back.".....yea...definitely didn't come out right for that person.

  22. #22
    It's Complicated Iowa #1603's Avatar
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    I was on patrol one night, on a back country road that was very hilly. Just as I neared the top of one hill, I was met by a car ON MY SIDE OF THE ROAD. There was no ditch or shoulder at that point so I swerved INTO the hill/bank on the right side of the road and came to a stop with no damage.

    As I looked in my rearview I saw the other car swerve and flip twice landing on it's top in the road. (My radar ----old model---had autolocked at 72 mph on a 40 mph road) and ejecting the driver..

    I was told that my voice raised 3 octaves as I called radio to request an ambulance. HOWEVER I requested a tow truck (Ambulance 10-52/Tow 10-51).

    My voice must have been really excited as I not only got every deputy, Sgt, and the Lt on scene but 3 Commanders from the local police department (I was just barely in the city limits at the time) respond to my shriek.

    My Lt came over to me at one point to ask if I needed to go change pants
    I don't know it all, I know a little about a lot and a lot about a little---slamdunc


    I have discussed religion and politics over morning coffee with men who have killed people, you don't scare me.

    I don't get paid to get assaulted, shot or killed....it's a risk of the job but it's not what I'm paid to do.......if I have to taser you to get you in handcuffs I'm going to....--Hot Soup

  23. #23
    Bringing back old school. Redders's Avatar
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    I never tire of the telling of the "JoJo the boy who tried to put an electrical fire out with a garden hose."

    At an old agency dispatched paged out an occupied house fire. I got there long before the volunteer FD did. While walking around the back of the house to make sure none of the silly billies were sneaking back in, I noticed JoJo the boy who was standing on the roof of the house where the electric junction into the house was, with a garden hose, spraying the giant blue flames and sparks. Since I was in the midst of keying my shoulder mic to tell dispatch where the flames were located on the house, they also heard the following "9xxx County holy shyt stop spraying the giant electrical fire with a plfunking garden hose you retard."
    Sometimes, doing the right thing means p***ing off the bosses.

    "And shepherds we shall be, for thee my lord for thee."

    Quote Originally Posted by dontknowwhy View Post
    I still think troopers and deputies who work in the middle of no where with essentially no back up are the 'men among men' of the LEO world.
    Quote Originally Posted by weinerdog2000 View Post
    as far as your social experiment, if we cant film you then you cant film us, we will arrest you for obstruction of our freedom.

  24. #24
    Bringing back old school. Redders's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by crass cop View Post
    on alarms with an unsecured back door, I advise "we will be making a rear entry" or a "back door entry"
    Heard the state's swat team once say they were "banging the back door" which I assumed they chunked a flash bang through the back door, cuz do you really want to assume anything else in that situation? So it's not uncommon to hear "banging the back door" around here.
    Sometimes, doing the right thing means p***ing off the bosses.

    "And shepherds we shall be, for thee my lord for thee."

    Quote Originally Posted by dontknowwhy View Post
    I still think troopers and deputies who work in the middle of no where with essentially no back up are the 'men among men' of the LEO world.
    Quote Originally Posted by weinerdog2000 View Post
    as far as your social experiment, if we cant film you then you cant film us, we will arrest you for obstruction of our freedom.

  25. #25
    CSI Sucks 5031OKC's Avatar
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    We have a division in our city called Springlake. Every now and then you'll hear somebody go enroute to Springbreak. I guess they are thinking about vacation. Or college coeds........or both.
    Anything worth shooting is worth shooting 3 or 4 times.

    M-11

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