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  1. #1
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    Guy Banned From Walmart

    http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documen...d-retail-giant

    DECEMBER 1--The Florida man arrested after he was caught masturbating in the toy aisle of a Walmart with the aid of a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue has cut a plea deal that bars him from future visits to the retail giant “or any store where children’s toys are sold,” court records show.

    As part of a plea deal to indecent exposure and battery charges, William Tyler Black was sentenced to two years of community control, a more severe version of probation that often includes a curfew. Black, 28, will also be subjected to GPS monitoring, according to a Sarasota Circuit Court document that stipulates “no contact w/ Walmart.”

    The deal spares Black, who spent a month in custody following his September 14 arrest, further jail time. The conviction, though, will likely have a negative impact on Black’s career as a substitute teacher. Black is pictured in the above mug shot.

    When confronted by cops, Black admitted that he had been masturbating in the store’s toy aisle, claiming that he was driven to the lewd act after he spotted “some pretty girls which made him aroused.” He told officers that he “grabbed a magazine and then found a back aisle and began to masturbate until he relieved himself on the floor,” according to a probable cause affidavit.

    The magazine he selected was the 2010 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue featuring model Brooklyn Decker on its cover. [Update: Crime scene photos revealed that Black actually opted for SI’s $11.99 “Swimsuit Portfolio,” a bound volume also featuring Decker on its cover.]

    A Walmart worker told investigators that Black “ejaculated onto the floor and wiped his hand on a toy along with rubbing his foot in the suspected semen on the floor.” He then “discarded the magazine behind some toys and proceeded to the front of the store,” employees reported. The defiled toy was a lightsaber (apparently of the "Star Wars" variety), according to a law enforcement source.

    Though Black--who claimed he was shopping for a toy for his daughter--assured arresting officers that, “I swear I’m not a pervert,” and offered to clean up his mess, he was nonetheless charged with a felony and a misdemeanor. One charge, battery on a child, was filed since a “reasonable person would believe that a child would come in contact with the fluid on the toy being that it was left in the toy aisle of the store.” (4 pages)



    http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documen...vidence-photos

    .....Anybody want to make funny comments on the wet floor sign right by him?

  2. #2
    Police Officer Michigan's Avatar
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    Where else are you supposed to masturbate? For crying out loud it's not like he did it in the food section!

    Toys + Swimsuit Magazine + Walmart = masturbation. I'm getting all hot and bothered just thinking about it.

  3. #3
    Forum Member Sgt. Slaughter's Avatar
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    Maybe he was thinking of Princess Leia when he touched the lightsaber.

    Does that give another meaning to "crossing swords?"
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    Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats. - H. L. Mencken

  4. #4
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    lol @ wet floor sign
    Been chatting to a girl online. She's funny, sexy and flirty. Now she tells me she is an undercover cop! How cool is that at her age!?

  5. #5
    Forum Member KapsFB's Avatar
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    Kind of ironic after all the fuss Walmart is again telling the guy to beat it.....

    Our houses are protected by the good Lord and a gun.
    And you might meet 'em both if you show up here not welcome son.

  6. #6
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    A lot of sick people out there.

  7. #7
    Bigfoot Country JasperST's Avatar
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    The guy sounds wacky.

  8. #8
    Forum Member DACP's Avatar
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    I can see where this guys comming from



    It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.

  9. #9
    ッ♥ USMCx0621's Avatar
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    I'm assuming he doesn't have internet access in his mother's basement.
    "Life is tough, but it’s tougher if you’re stupid" - Sgt. Stryker, Sands of Iwo Jima

  10. #10
    Bigfoot Country JasperST's Avatar
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    "Young Jedi, there's a proper way to handle this...."


  11. #11
    6205 days and a wake-up! ujocka's Avatar
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    I am quite sure Wally World restocked the lightsaber on the shelf and labelled it as a "floor sample".
    Bet they got a ticket for obstructing the rear window. God Bless America!

  12. #12
    6205 days and a wake-up! ujocka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DACP View Post
    I can see where this guys comming from




    She has man hands. Damn..I must be getting old.
    Bet they got a ticket for obstructing the rear window. God Bless America!

  13. #13
    Forum Member westside popo's Avatar
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    Glad I'm not he one having to collect evidence at that crime scene. Neither would I be taking a knee at a crime scene like that, just in case.

    I'll never look at a Wal-mart, toy light saber the same way again.
    Government does not solve problems; it subsidizes them.
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  14. #14
    Littering and? 10-7Alpha's Avatar
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    The Florida man
    Stopped reading right there and chalked it up for another FL nutjob.
    The beatings will continue until morale improves.

    Quote Originally Posted by jcioccke View Post
    After I hit it, I would be disgusted with her

  15. #15
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    if i was there i would have grabbed a bat from the sporting goods isle and went to town on this guys hands.

  16. #16
    perspicacious pedagogue exComptonCop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2Eagles View Post
    if i was there i would have grabbed a bat from the sporting goods isle and went to town on this guys hands.
    I'm hoping your comment was meant tongue n' cheek
    "Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought" ~Henri Louis Bergson
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  17. #17
    Equal Height Equal Light
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    The first thing I thought upon reading the thread title is "damn, he must have something ****ed up; Wal-Mart never trespasses anyone".

  18. #18
    Mega Infidel M1garand's Avatar
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    I will no longer buy toys from Wal Mart as I never know what extra stuff I may get with the toy.

  19. #19
    Police Officer Michigan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by exComptonCop View Post
    I'm hoping your comment was meant tongue n' cheek
    lol

  20. #20
    Bigfoot Country JasperST's Avatar
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    Imagine the cops' surprise when security said they had a guy there with sticky fingers.

  21. #21
    Forum Member chad7613's Avatar
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    Wow, what a loon.
    "I'm sorry, did you see my care face? Because I'm pretty sure I didn't show it to you becuase I DON'T care. Have a nice day. "

  22. #22
    Professor of Stuff asullivan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kapsfb View Post
    kind of ironic after all the fuss walmart is again telling the guy to beat it.....



    :d



    Quote Originally Posted by usmcx0621 View Post
    i'm assuming he doesn't have internet access in his mother's basement.







    Quote Originally Posted by ujocka View Post
    i am quite sure wally world restocked the lightsaber on the shelf and labelled it as a "floor sample".



    :d




    Quote Originally Posted by chomp View Post
    the first thing i thought upon reading the thread title is "damn, he must have something ****ed up; wal-mart never trespasses anyone".




    Quote Originally Posted by jasperst View Post
    imagine the cops' surprise when security said they had a guy there with sticky fingers.





    :d
    From da' land O' nervous sheep.
    Quote Originally Posted by crass cop View Post
    who cares....was she hot??
    Quote Originally Posted by mookster View Post
    Sully, usually I hafta glance over your posts cuz my brain would have issues with the imagery you portray, however with that one I get it. And I agree one hundred percent with ya.
    Quote Originally Posted by CityCopDC View Post
    I swear to god you are not human. I have seen enough episodes of X-Files to know a rogue VI (Virtual Inteligence) when I see one.
    Currently Being Ignored by

    1) NYC Queeny
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  23. #23
    Honor. Pride. Integrity. ACrowley's Avatar
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    Now I know why there are always those "Wet Floor," signs everywhere in Walmart.

    Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. - Matthew 5:9

    Welcome to the greatest show on earth......

  24. #24
    Forum Member Sgt. Slaughter's Avatar
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    Now I know what "Giggitty giggity - giggity goo" means!

    NRA Life Member

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    Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats. - H. L. Mencken

  25. #25
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    Aside from the obvious humor, how the f do you charge the guy with battery when no battery occurred?
    For the cops out there: You are an adult. If you want to write someone, write them. If you don't want to write someone, then don't write them.

    "Jeff, you are the best cop on this board"-Anonymous Post

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