10 rules for dating my daughter

[Chiram]

Rules For Dating My Daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[DaveinUtah]

LOL Are you my fiance's dad?

[personallyjulia]

My husband had all of our daughters sign an agreement when each turned about three years old, stating they would allow him to choose their dates and spouses. To this day, my daughters are convinced that Daddy will help them chose "who" is right for each of them. It is the sweetest thing I have ever seen! I will be sure to pass this post on to him immediately!

WAY TO GO DADS!!!!

[Ruh]

lol julia. think you could send me a copy of that contract so I can have my girls sign it. 1 will be 2 on july 11th and the other is due to be here on july15 (yes...2years and 4 days apart).

I only have 1 rule for dating my daughter: don't.

[TXLady]

My dad waited up for me for EVERY single date I ever went on. He always told me that I could always talk to him and mom about anything, that they would never love me any less. I always knew my dad loved and trusted me. THAT meant a lot. No way would I ever do anything that would make him disappointed in me. And THAT kept me out of a lot of trouble.

The funny thing is, of all the guys I dated, the one my dad liked the most turned out to be wanted in another state. We found this out years later. I never had the heart to tell him though.

Bottom line, love your daughters, talk to them, trust and respect them. When it comes down to it, Daddy's opinion is what matters the most. Daddy will always be Daddy.

[Delta784]

Rule Eleven: If you make her cry, I make you cry.

[DaveinUtah]

Originally Posted by Delta784

Rule Eleven: If you make her cry, I make you cry.

It was covered in Rule number 6:

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

[Delta784]

Originally Posted by DaveinUtah

It was covered in Rule number 6:

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

It bears repeating.

[DaveinUtah]

Originally Posted by Delta784

It bears repeating.

I suppose your right there

[personallyjulia]

Originally Posted by Ruh

lol julia. think you could send me a copy of that contract so I can have my girls sign it. 1 will be 2 on july 11th and the other is due to be here on july15 (yes...2years and 4 days apart).

I only have 1 rule for dating my daughter: don't.

I will send the contract out to you ASAP! I have a tremendous respect for Mom's who have close births. It can be tremendously taxing on the body, but works out fantastic for the children as they are growing (based on my current parenting experience). Congratulations on the new little one!

I remember you saying you were raised in house full of sisters, where did you fall in line?

[personallyjulia]

I thought your comments were dead on. Same rules apply in our home. We also stay active in the lives of our children, thus opening the doors for opportune conversation. It is funny to watch how my husband and I handle different situations brought to us differently. But, at the end of the day WE discuss the ?'s together in order to make sure we are on the same page when it comes to our children.

[Styx]

All the guys I dated thought my father and brothers were members of the Mexican Mafia ..with the exception of the Mexican Nationals I dated.

I never really had any problems. My father and brothers are the sweetest men I know......along with my husband. Wouldn't hurt a fly...but the guys I dated didnt need to know that.

[e-man]

WOW, My little goil is only 3 3/4s I can not wait till she starts dating, I think I have stress now, Holy crows. I hope she turns out to be , you know, uh a les@#$ . Only kidding. Not that theres abnything worng with that.
Can I lock her in her room when she turns 13?????

[Lucky Seven]

I have always wanted a daughter but it never happened.

After talking with friends who have daughters it almost seems like I'm lucky I didn't have one. I would have been a nightmare when she started dating. Not to mention the nightmares I would have had.

[personallyjulia]

Originally Posted by e-man

WOW, My little goil is only 3 3/4s I can not wait till she starts dating, I think I have stress now, Holy crows. I hope she turns out to be , you know, uh a les@#$ . Only kidding. Not that theres abnything worng with that.
Can I lock her in her room when she turns 13?????

ONLY 13? Why don't you try 34?

[usafcop64528]

I don't have any daughters, but I have two sisters. Most of it applies anyway...plus I have another three brothers....

[Buttercup]

Originally Posted by TXLady

My dad waited up for me for EVERY single date I ever went on. He always told me that I could always talk to him and mom about anything, that they would never love me any less. I always knew my dad loved and trusted me. THAT meant a lot. No way would I ever do anything that would make him disappointed in me. And THAT kept me out of a lot of trouble.

The funny thing is, of all the guys I dated, the one my dad liked the most turned out to be wanted in another state. We found this out years later. I never had the heart to tell him though.

Bottom line, love your daughters, talk to them, trust and respect them. When it comes down to it, Daddy's opinion is what matters the most. Daddy will always be Daddy.

TX Lady, your dad sounds a lot like mine.....

[realluke]

Originally Posted by Delta784

It bears repeating.

yes it does, i have 2 daughters

[Groundhog]

Originally Posted by e-man

WOW, My little goil is only 3 3/4s I can not wait till she starts dating, I think I have stress now, Holy crows. I hope she turns out to be , you know, uh a les@#$ . Only kidding. Not that theres abnything worng with that.
Can I lock her in her room when she turns 13?????

I know how you feel bro. My little girl's 4. When she's older, I'll do the same thing with her my dad did with my sister. When she was about 15 or so, he took her out on a "date." He drove around the block, came to the front door, picked her up, opened the dor for her, etc. He wanted to show her how dates were supposed to act. That coupled with the fact that he always treated my mother that way (and stiil does) is the best example you can set. That way, anything less will make her think.

[HCSO511]

thats it boys keep the thumb screws on your daughter good and tight so she'll rebel and go find some "really" great guy.

[Groundhog]

Originally Posted by HCSO511

thats it boys keep the thumb screws on your daughter good and tight so she'll rebel and go find some "really" great guy.

How is showing my daughter how she should expect to be treated by a man keeping the "thumb screws" on her? Maybe you can elaborate on that.

[Tattoo'd Angel]

We set up the guidelines a long time ago for dates for the girls in the family. First, every officer in the family will be waiting for the little reprobate when he gets there, in full uniform if possible and with as many of his fellow officer friends as humanly possible. Each and every one of them will wear the "don't even think about )((&*&% me off" look. If junior manages to run the gauntlet without wetting himself, he gets sat down on a dining chair and have the facts of life explained to him by the 30 or so LEOs that feel like pitching in their two cents, including the consequences of failing to abide by the rules that will no doubt be tattoo'd inside of said young idiot's eyelids. If the daughter-person hasn't died of embarassment by this time they will be allowed to leave with her father riding shotgun.. literally. We are also teaching our daughter self defence with some of the bloodiest, most pain-inducing tactics possible, in case on a subsequent outing Junior pulls something that she doesn't care for.

[personallyjulia]

Originally Posted by Tattoo'd Angel

We set up the guidelines a long time ago for dates for the girls in the family. First, every officer in the family will be waiting for the little reprobate when he gets there, in full uniform if possible and with as many of his fellow officer friends as humanly possible. Each and every one of them will wear the "don't even think about )((&*&% me off" look. If junior manages to run the gauntlet without wetting himself, he gets sat down on a dining chair and have the facts of life explained to him by the 30 or so LEOs that feel like pitching in their two cents, including the consequences of failing to abide by the rules that will no doubt be tattoo'd inside of said young idiot's eyelids. If the daughter-person hasn't died of embarassment by this time they will be allowed to leave with her father riding shotgun.. literally. We are also teaching our daughter self defence with some of the bloodiest, most pain-inducing tactics possible, in case on a subsequent outing Junior pulls something that she doesn't care for.

I think this one of the greatest procedures I have heard of yet! TWO THUMBS UP !!!!!

[Ruh]

Originally Posted by personallyjulia

I remember you saying you were raised in house full of sisters, where did you fall in line?

Youngest .

Oh what it was like being bullied by two older girls.....But once that puberty came around and that testoserone kicked in...took two of them just to keep up an arguement with me

[Ruh]

Originally Posted by Groundhog

I know how you feel bro. My little girl's 4. When she's older, I'll do the same thing with her my dad did with my sister. When she was about 15 or so, he took her out on a "date." He drove around the block, came to the front door, picked her up, opened the dor for her, etc. He wanted to show her how dates were supposed to act. That coupled with the fact that he always treated my mother that way (and stiil does) is the best example you can set. That way, anything less will make her think.

This sounds like something great to do for a sweet 16 (or whenever you allow her to go on actual dates).

I think ill look into it for my girls.