Redneck Joke

[Loco]

A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I think Bubba is dead! What should I do?

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence... and then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line, "Okay, now what?"

[krj]

Redneck High Tech:

Backup - what you do when you run across a skunk in the woods
Bug - the reason you give for calling in sick
Byte - what your pitbull done to cousin jethro
Chip - pasture muffins that you try not to step in
Terminal - time to call the undertaker
Crash - when you go to Juniors' party uninvited
Digital - the art of counting on your fingers
Diskette - female disco dancer
Fax - what you lie about to the IRS
Hacker - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking
Hardcopy - picture looked at when selecting tattoos
Keyboard- where you hang the key to the John Deere
Mac - Big Bubba's favorite fast food
Megahertz - how your head feels after 17 beers
Modem - what you do when the grass gets too high
Mouse Pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live
Network - Scooping up a big fish before it breaks the line
ROM - where the pope lives
Screen - keeps mosquitoes off the porch
Serial Port - a red wine you drink with yer cornflakes
Superconductor - Amtraks Employees of the Year
SCSI (pronounced scuzzi) - what you call your week-old underwear

[AKwannabe]

Of course, the two that actually put jokes up are from redneck countries themselves

When I lived in redneck country we never made fun of ourselves...but now I moved north and hear the jokes a lot. LOL, whatever floats your boat I guess.

[krj]

What?? Tennessee redneck country?? Who you callin' redneck??

[krj]

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone right away.

"What is your address?" asked the operator.

Bubba replied, "147 Eucalytus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause on the line, and finally Bubba said, "How about I just carry her over to Oak Street, and you can pick her up there?"

[AKwannabe]

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?", asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."

[J.DIXON]

What are a redneck's dying words?

HEY BUBBA! WATCH THIS!

[Loco]

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.

"Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'"

"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.

"From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"

[Loco]

Redneck Driver's Application
Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.

Last name: ________________

First name:
[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
[_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician

Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________
Lover's Name: __________________________
2nd Lover's Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother [_] Uncle
[_] Mother [_] Son
[_] Father [_] Daughter
[_] Cousin [_] Pet

Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
If you obtained a higher education what was your
major?
[_] 5th grade [_] 6th grade

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?

Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Age you started drivin ______ (If over 10 are you
are still slow lerrnin ? [_] Yes [_] No)

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck ____ kitchen
____ bedroom ____ bathroom/outhouse
____ shed ____ pawnshop

Model and year of your pickup: _________ 194_

Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun [_] Bassmasters

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable

How many teeth in YOUR mouth? ___
Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black
[_] N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_] Red-Man [_] Skoal

How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don't know

[krj]

LOL Loco