LEO, Please settle a debate I had with my wife.

[jcioccke]

My wife and I had a long discussion about being on the job, and the affect on ones personality.

My wife feels that most LEO become hard, distant and very distrusting of outsiders. ( New couples etc.) This of course is based off of the 5 guys we went to high school with. I shared with my wife and reminded her that these 5 were a-------- in high school. The job only boosted the Napoleon syndrome.
(she agreed on the high school-score 1 for me)

My argument was short and to the point.

New Couples "Defense

This of course started the " You never like my friends husband"
..she won that one. score 1 for my wife

To gain an edge I reminded her that I hate when she brings up my profession,(mortgages) everyone has an opinion on the market. Take that and multiply it 10X for a Police Officer. I have personally witnessed this, and reminded my wife about our friend Bob who is in LE.
Then I proceeded to ask my wife how many new friends she made in the past year. Just to solidify the win, I threw in the wolf pack scenario...I won but I really didn't-couch was comfortable though.



Curious, Did the job change you for the worst??

[Bing_Oh]

I think the job changes you, but I'm not sure I'd say it's "for the worse." Years of dealing with criminals and seeing the worst side of humanity creates a certain amount of cynicism. After awhile, you do become distrustful of people you don't know (and tend to judge all new people with a "cop's eye view").

The question is, is that "for the worse" or is it a realistic point of view? Personally, I think most non-LEO's tend to be insulated from the harsher aspects of the world. So, the "civilian" point of view is (IMHO) a naieve one. Are cops hard, distant, and distrustful? Probably. But, I think we come by those traits honestly, as we tend to have a much more realistic world view.

[CUFFS137]

Use this as an opportunity to let your wife win an arguement. She is for the most part, correct.

[jcioccke]

Thanks Bing Oh.
I appreciate the feed back.

[jcioccke]

CuffS137- I never win an argument. lol

In all honesty, this is her biggest problem with me going into LE.
If I am wrong and the majority agree with you two, I will show her all posts.

[Rev1]

This job does change you but I wouldn't say it's a necessarily a bad thing.

At least it doesn't need to be.

It makes you more observant which is essential to officer survival. This may make you seem suspicious to anyone who knew you before you got involved in LE.

I have to agree with your earlier point about making new friends.

I usually got along with anybody I ever worked with but that didn't mean everyone I worked with automatically became my best friend.

In this job, sometimes that bonding can be a little tighter.

But I bet you could say the same thing about thise crab fishermen.

It's just the nature of the job.

Check out a book called, "Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement" by Kevin Gilmartin PhD. It explains why this process takes place.

Rev

[Charlie705]

Whoa, rookie mistake! Never, and I mean NEVER, beat your wife in an arguement. After 21 years of marriage this was a lesson that I learned early and often that her "win" will be 10 times better then yours.

Did the job change me? It made me refine my sense of humor.

[jcioccke]

Charlie 705

Too Funny lol

You are right on; You would think after 6 years I would be a little wiser.
The dog appreciated the company.

[Night Girl]

sorry I am still getting used to the forums **post removed**

[M-11]

Luckily, I was hard, distant and very distrusting of outsiders before I became a cop.

Your personality does not change much. You'll just display your real personality more often. Many people go through life acting like someone they are not. Cop work breaks you of this for some reason.

If the guys you know are sketchy now, they were before. They just hid it.

M-11

[Ten-32]

Check out a book called, "Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement" by Kevin Gilmartin PhD. It explains why this process takes place.

+1,000,000! Fantastic author, and offers great insights for how to avoid actual negative effects of the "cop personality."

Read this, take it to heart, share what you've read with your wife, and things might work out.

[Frank Booth]

Curious, Did the job change you for the worst??

It definately lowers your tolerance of the insipid.

[Snowprince]

You either develop or sharpen a very dry sense of humor which no one outside your experience will *get*. A very shallow tolerance for BS & a tendency to see the glass as half empty vs half full.

If you do come on the job, don't make the mistake many of us make & clam up. Don't be noble & try to *protect* her from the horrors of the streets by saying *don't ask, you don't want to know. You wouldn't understand*. The point is she doesn't HAVE to understand. All she has & wants to do is listen & be there for you. Let her, she's tougher than you think she is.