What does your spouse think?

[Pacific_coaster]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask, but:

What does your husband/wife/spouse/significant other/boyfriend/girlfriend/etc... think of your career as a law enforcement officer?

What do you tell them when they ask why? Do they understand? Is it a major source of conflict?

Thanks!

[Bigg Dogg]

My wife is fine with it.She is an ex reserve office and is currently a RN.So she knows what its like.

My ex-wife was not nearly as accepting.She did not like me having to work weekends,holidays or any other time.I guess that was one of the main factors for our divorce.I tried to let her know what it was going to be like before we got married.She said she could handle it,but i guess she couldn't.

[Mystikal]

My girlfriend understands (shes an RN as well) about the schedule. we recently had an aquaintance die in the line of duty and that made her become a little more apprehensive but she understands that this is what i'm good at and what i'm passionate about as well. she wants me to stay away from the "high risk" areas like vice, gang, swat, and bomb squad, but i told her if shes going to support me, she has to support me 100%, not just in the areas that are "safe". she was taken aback but after some thought she agreed.

Her daughters are a little more apprehensive as they don't want to see me get hurt, and my son wants to follow in my footsteps (although he's 6 so that could always change).

[Smurfette_76]

Not married anymore, but my ex-husband said he could handle it...but he couldn't. He worried all the time about me and ended up pushing me to quit. I honestly don't think he meant to...inasmuch as it wasn't with negative intentions, but he was just scared of getting that call. It was a weird position to be in...I had to accept he was a Marine and ended up going off to war (which he's there again...LOL) but he couldn't seem to accept my job for what it is. He also had issue with all the men I worked around. We ended up divorced and I've been dating a fellow officer for awhile now. It's easier, but he also worries about me working the road, but it's the same way. He wouldn't dream of pushing me to quit.

I've been doing this over eight years and I'm always amused at the way men react to my profession. Between being a LEO and a single mom...I just don't put up with much BS.

[Nate_07]

my wife is 100% supportive about me going being a LEO soon. She knows theres nothing else that i want to do. SHe sees the drive and she wants me to live out my dreams. Im pretty damn lucky!

[Smurfette_76]

my wife is 100% supportive about me going being a LEO soon. She knows theres nothing else that i want to do. SHe sees the drive and she wants me to live out my dreams. Im pretty damn lucky!


Nate, I really hope it stays that way for you. Sometimes when the reality of the profession hits, it gets difficult for your spouse. Especially the first time you come home with your uniform tore all the h*ll and back and bruises all over you. The first time my ex got the call that I'd been put in the hospital, he realized he just couldn't handle it. However, that's a man worried about a woman and you're on the flip side of that. I would suggest that learn quickly what to tell her and what NOT to tell her about what occurs on your shift. It's not about hiding things from her...it's about perserving HER sanity, too. Good luck to you.

[Irishluck31]

My spouse doesnt think. thats a completely different thread.

She loves that i am a Police officer. Not worried at all. as long as the life insurence is paid. :eek:

[MountainCop]

My spousal unit is 100% behind me. Couldn't do it without her :D

The only time she's seriously expressed concern was when I told her I was chasing a guy on a felony warrant. That and when she bought my ballistic vest - "You WILL wear this EVERY TIME you're on duty!"... in the store, in front of the sales guy and all the customers :)

I think she's still got a huge life insurance policy on me though... :rolleyes:

[JSD73]

When my wife and I met fourteen years ago in college, I told her what I wanted to be. I told her I loved her and wanted to give her the opportunity to walk away because being married to a cop was not going to be an easy life.

Well it hasn't been easy and we have had our ups and downs and a separation in between but we have a great daughter and we are happy. She loves that I'm a cop and she worries about me at work but she deals with it.

[towncop]

My wife is cool with the fact that I'm a cop. She just really hates the 12 hour night shifts. That and the fact that my partner is a female. She looks at it like I have more in common with my partner than her. Yes, my partner is a cop and we both like movies and music, but I married my WIFE. At times she doesn't really see that I could care less about having stuff in common with my partner. Yeah, it's a 12 hour shift, but I'm not always "smoking and joking" with her all that time either.

She has good and bad days with it. She calls my parter my "work-spouse." LOL. That's some damn term she came up with thanks to some report on CNN awhile back. :rolleyes: (Thanks guys). Other than that, my wife's golden. :P

[AZLawDawg]

She hates it, the day I retire, she will throw a party.

[canoefoot7]

I myself am not an LEO, but soon to be married to one. I thank god every day that I have met someone with integrity, loyalty, drive,and passion for not only his work, but for me as well. I am a nurse/dispatcher, with my EMT and plan on getting my paramedic. He understands stress and aggrivating schedules, and with EMS being my passion, our coping and understanding skills are very similar.
We started out as best friends,and will always remain such, I am sure. We both tend to have our Mr. Hyde moments,and we love it. Who else gets "it" like we do? At the end of the day, when I hear the door shut , and the leather of his duty belt squeak across the room -That is my little slice of heaven.
I say for any one who is married to a LEO, on trying days, remember their goal is to come home . That is where they want to be. If you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen. And for the LEO's who have dealt with schmucks and morons all day,there is someone waiting for you to walk through that door, the same way you went out. -in one piece, whether you are in your dark place or have had the best day ever. And remember you probably left something turned on at home, and it ain't the coffee pot!!! :p

[CPDjock]

My girlfriend supports me 100%! She's a great partner and would support me through hell and back(twice)! She understands that this job is a calling not a apply today, quit tomorrow any old kind of job.

I'm blessed to have her. :)

[rugermk2]

Well, my wife has got to be the best one out there. :D She thinks I look sexy in my uniform and loves to hear my stories of chasing bad guys.... She is completely supportive of whatever I want to do. Sometimes my schedule sucks (midnight weekends), so she hates that I come rolling into bed about the time she is getting up to go to work.... As long as I make time for her, I've found her to be quite content. When I work weekends, I pretend Wednesday night is Saturday night and take her out for dinner/movie/whatever. She loves that.... :)

[VSPTAC]

Mine is all the time telling me I could make more money pushing a desk.....NO THANKS!! :rolleyes:

[Chiller]

My wife is/was very supportive and all for it if it made me happy but then again we are getting divorced so it doesn't really matter anymore :D

[Conallron]

I was dating a girl not to long ago and when I told her what I wanted to do she was ok with it. Once I started getting farther along in the process, she didn't want me to pursue it anymore. I guess she thought I wasn't going to make it. I ended up breaking it off with her. Once I get on somewhere I don't want to have to worry about not having support going through an Academy, FTO, and Probation.

[Kyia]

My husband is very supportive. He understands the schedule conflicts and that we only have the same day off every couple weeks. I had this job before I met him so he knew what he was getting into. The only thing that he could be better with is he doesn't understand why I am ****y or moody sometimes.

[aggienut]

I am in applications and background process with several agencies right now and so far my wife has been very supportive. She has made it clear there are things she does not like (shift work, safety, no holidays etc.) due to the family-centric kind of people we both are, but she did not say "I don't want you to do that".

For her part, I think she is conflicted because her mother and step-father were/are still LEO's. She saw the good stuff about the job and the bad stuff about the job growing up and sees that there are positives and negatives.

Her primary concern seems to be that I will "change". While I have no doubt I will, I think my core personality traits will remain intact because I think they mesh well with the job.

Oh....one condition she did set out: fat life insurance policy :D

[eddog0415]

It never came up between me and the wife. I never knew it was a problem till i got on here and relised how many "spouses" dont understand police work. Whats to not understand? I think she believes in me and my training. She doesnt ask about specific calls. I rarely talk about the job. I leave it in the locker room. I dont ask her what she tought her students in class today, cos i really dont care. I believe she feels the same. Its not important what i saw, witnessed, or had to do on the job. If i need to talk to someone ill see a shrink. Our family life is just that, and my job is my job. I like to keep them apart. Why worry her with "war stories" that i dont like to talk about anyways?

[dts1jxl]

I guess I'm just lucky. My wife and I got married a year before I even thought about becaming a police officer. Lucky for me, her dad works for another police agency (as a civilian) and her uncle (well her dad's best friend) has been a cop for nearly 20 years. Her uncle has only been married once and to the same woman the entire time. My wife's aunt was able to give her a few pointers. Not sure what the pointers were, but so far so good.

I know one thing, this job would be 100 times harder if I didn't have her support. I would like to believe that I would still be doing it, but I know that it would be harder. I guess I'm just lucky in that way.

[School Cop]

Mine's great about it; then again, we were married 9 years before I decided on the career, so we really decided together. She also knows I'm married to HER, not the job. I would quit in a minute, no regrets, if she asked me to.

[rose]

A GF point of view:
My BF has been a cop for 10 years. LOONG before we met.
l like the fact that he has his own carreer, life and responsibilities and since he's at work when I sleep I get the whole bed to my self. :p - which means I can sleep in my tore up college jammies and not shave my legs. He stays in good shape. He always has a flashlight handy should the power go out. I only have to cook what I want to eat and I only have to do limited amounts of his laundry.... (5 tshirts, 5 boxers and 5 pairs of socks a week). My friends and family love his "war stories" so I don't have to worry about awkward silences at parties. He knows where everything is so I don't need navigation if I'm lost I just call him and he tells me where it is. If I feel like a dive type mexican or tai food place he knows all the good ones.
The only thing(s) I would change if I could would be; he would take his clothes off in the laundry room-who knows where he's been all day and I don't need that trapsing around my casa. He would empty his pockets out before he puts them in the wash. (I have a collection of bullets I've found over the years) and he would hug me good bye at lunch even if he's in uniform.
My dad taught me long ago when I was knee high to a grass hopper that when you are in a relationship you are to nurture your partners dreams, not kill them. Any woman/man who tells you it's the job or them and it's truly a dream of yours.... well...you know what to do.

[MrsTnCop]

As a spouse of someone who is in law enforcement, it really depends on what you both want out of life. My husband went from an MP to a civilian cop during the first few months we were together. I was interested in law enforcement long before I met my husband and almost decided to become an officer myself, although that interest eventually led to another career. This background has helped me be 100% supportive of his career decision. Do I worry when he leaves, sure I do. But I also know that if that bad call comes, we both know he spent his life loving his life and job.

It seems like the hard part for spouses to understand is that police work is usually a lifestyle and an identity rather than just a nine to fiver where when the computer server crashes everyone goes home. While I will never truly understand what it means to be a cop, I don't need to, I just need to understand what it means to be his wife.

[Jellybean400]

It never came up between me and the wife. I never knew it was a problem till i got on here and relised how many "spouses" dont understand police work. Whats to not understand? I think she believes in me and my training. She doesnt ask about specific calls. I rarely talk about the job. I leave it in the locker room. I dont ask her what she tought her students in class today, cos i really dont care. I believe she feels the same. Its not important what i saw, witnessed, or had to do on the job. If i need to talk to someone ill see a shrink. Our family life is just that, and my job is my job. I like to keep them apart. Why worry her with "war stories" that i dont like to talk about anyways?

For one thing, she might feel like she WANTS you to talk about things with her, like she wants to be there for you.

Things to "understand" about police work are, the danger that exists everyday. And yeah there's danger everywhere, but moreso in police work and some other jobs. Also the fact that you may become cold toward some things. Not her or the kids, but just some parts of life. It MAY happen. You also may become a suspicious, slightly paranoid person about some things.

But if youre already settled into this routine in your marriage and its working out OK, then you'll probably be fine.

[Lexis85]

Okay well I'm not a cop but my boyfriend is one part time and I can say that I'm not against his choice of profession(s) (he's a medic too) ....I mean the first time he told me that he had been shot twice (by the same person) I kind of freaked out but that's the nature of the job so I have to deal with it. As for him being a medic, well I think I can deal with that :p

[miami-k9]

She hates it.

[HisGirl]

I met my DH when he had a few years on, so I knew what is was all going to be like before we got married. He works second shift, I work days, and we rarely see each other for more than a few minutes at a time during the week. On our weekends, we are both tired and worn out from work. It sucks.

BUT, we make it work for us. We're both independent, and he loves his job. I love that he loves his job, and I am super-proud of him, and I would never consider asking him to change. There are times when I get lonely and I whine, but he knows I am happy with his job.

My job, on the other hand, is another story. ;)

[(S)Sgt Elmer]

With my wife she'd be plenty happy if I decided to take up IT work or something tommorow - but she knows that I can't do anything else and really be happy with myself. Plus, I've put in a lot of time in the military, in college and with applying and interviewing all the time that she doesn't want me to regret doing all this.

She used to tell me when I was on the job before (I've been a LEO as a part timer and in the military ) that she wanted me to have a nice, long, boring shift when I left for work.

She knows the score, and supports me all the way - I know when I end up getting hired again she'll be making damn sure I'm paying attention in training so I know what's up when I'm on my own again.

She's even encouraged me to apply all over the country if I want to, don't have to confine myself to near my house or anything. It's very, very, nice to have that support when going through all the steps.

[spikeone66]

I'm lucky enought to have a wife who want's to do it to... so we talked about it... went through the night time academy and now both searching for the right agency....

:) (I let her beat me at the range!!! That's my story and I'm stick'n with it!!!)

[Jellybean400]

Very cool, spike! I wish you both the best!

[kcsd823]

My wife has some problems with it for the same reasons that I do with her. WE are in a very dangerous field of work. I trust her judgements as she does mine, but there are times that after the situation is done, we reflect on just how bad it could have gone. At least we understand what the other one is going through-to a point. I still can't fully understand the problems she is having that are gender related to other co-workers.

BTW-we are both deputy sheriffs on the same department. :D

[blueronin]

I've only been dating my new girlfriend for a couple of months. I work in a fairly quiet area so nothing has really come up. She works in the local hospital and now she can monitor our radio freq. But I'll be switching to a new large busy dept soon. We'll see how she deals with that. Think it's gonna be an adjustment for both.