Katrina humor with a splash of truth

[dapples]

Hurricane cocktails


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MANDATORY EVACUATION COCKTAIL

1 1/2 oz. Absolute Ruby Red vodka
1/2 oz. vermouth
Clamato
Prune juice


Combine vodka and vermouth in cocktail glass. Fill remainder of glass with
equal parts Clamato and prune juice. Stir. Drink. Ask next-door neighbor
whose ficus tree blew over and crashed onto your roof - even though you'd
warned him for months to uproot it - and, if you can please use his bathroom.
Repeat.

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CATEGORY 5 COCKTAIL

1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. tequila
1/2 oz. rum
1/2 oz. bourbon
1/2 oz. gin
Sweet-and-sour mix
Splash of fruit juice


Combine vodka, tequila, rum, bourbon and gin in a tall glass. Fill remainder
of glass with sweet-and-sour mix and splash of juice. Stir, then garnish
with an inverted drink umbrella. Drink during peak storm hours, and vow not
to believe anyone who tries to tell you the hurricane that flooded your
garage and destroyed your shed was just a Category 1.

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CONE OF PROBABILITY COCKTAIL

1 oz. cinnamon schnapps
1 sugar cone


Pour the schnapps into the sugar cone. Every time you hear a TV weatherman
say, "cone of probability," bite off the end of the cone and down the shot.
If you hear the weatherman say it, drink two shots consecutively. (Have you ever noticed that, despite all the cone of probability talk, if a TV weatherman is parked in front of your house your *** is toast?)

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FEEDER BAND COCKTAIL

2 oz. Midori
2 oz. rum
1 scoop
vanilla ice cream

After your home loses power, combine Midori and rum in a cocktail glass. Add
a scoop of the vanilla ice cream that is melting in your freezer. Stir and
drink through a straw.

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BEACH EROSION COCKTAIL

1 1/2 oz. Goldschläger
1 1/2 oz. apple brandy
1 pack Sugar in the Raw

Combine Goldschläger, apple brandy and sugar in cocktail glass. As you drink,
seriously contemplate moving your Yankee *** back to Connecticut where it
belongs.

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DOWNED POWER LINE COCKTAIL

1 1/2 oz. rum
5 oz. Jolt Cola

Combine ingredients in a cocktail glass. Drink while trying to figure out how
the hell you're supposed to go 3-4 freakin' weeks without TV and AC.

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FLOOD ZONE COCKTAIL

2 oz. Kahlúa
2 oz. Baileys Irish cream
4 oz. rum

Serve in a 6-ounce glass and laugh/cry deliriously as the mess spills all
over the countertop.
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COLD SHOWER COCKTAIL

2 oz. Blue Aftershock
4 oz. Sprite

Combine in a cocktail glass with crushed ice you received after waiting in
line for three hours at the mall parking lot. Take a deep breath, sip and
scream like a little girl when the cold beverage hits your tongue. Repeat.

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LOOTERS WILL BE SHOT COCKTAIL

1 I/2oz. Jack Daniel's
Splash of sarsaparilla
Rock salt


Load both barrels of a shotgun with rock salt. Climb to the roof of your
house with gun, ammo, bottle of Jack Daniel's, and can of sarsaparilla. Fill shot
glass with Jack and splash of sarsaparilla. Watch for looters. When you spot
one, blast his *** with rock salt. Drink. Shoot. Reload. Repeat.

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THE CHAIN SAW COCKTAIL

1 oz. Goldschläger
1 oz. Rumplemintz
3 oz. Jim Beam
Splash of vermouth


Combine Goldschläger, Rumplemintz and Jim Beam in an empty soup can. Add
splash of vermouth. Drink. Remove chain saw from garage and attempt to cut
up fallen tree limbs in the yard. Ask neighbor to drive you to hospital when it
all goes messy.

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FOUR-WAY STOP COCKTAIL

1 1/2 oz. vodka
1 1/2 oz. vodka and Midori
1 1/2 oz. vodka and Galliano
1 1/2 oz. vodka and grenadine


Pour each ingredient into a separate shot glass. Serve one to yourself and
three other people. The person with the clear shot of vodka drinks first.
The person to his right drinks the Midori shot, and so on. If somebody
drinks out of order, develop a quick case of road rage and run over
and beat the living crap out of him.

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BLUE TARP COCKTAIL

1 1/2 oz. Curacao
2 oz. pineapple juice
Splash of lime

Combine ingredients in a leaky paper cup and serve. Wait six to eight months
for someone to repair the cup. If you're impatient, hire an unlicensed,
out-of-state contractor to do the job for an ungodly sum and pray he
doesn't hurt himself in the process.

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FEMA FIZZLE COCKTAIL

1 oz. Southern Comfort
2 oz. sloe gin
Tonic water


One week after the storm has passed and your neighborhood is still in ruins
with no sign of help on the way, combine Southern Comfort and gin in a
cocktail glass. Fill remainder with tonic and add a dash of Angostura
bitters. Before drinking, raise the glass and say
the toast, "Doing one helluva job here, guys."

[Da Po-po]

FEMA FIZZLE COCKTAIL...

I was more thinking that you just open a bottle of beer, let it sit on your kitchen table for a couple of days and then slam it.

[1UNDER1]

:D Dapples funny as heck, nice, and I know you were from there reading another one of your posts, how you doin now?? :eek:

[dapples]

:D Dapples gunny as heck, nice, and I know you were from there reading another one of your posts, how you doin now?? :eek:


Glad you enjoyed them....Some of the "drinks" are local flavor.....I love the four way stop one......lotsa traffic lights are still gone here and I love to watch the confused faces on the motorists as they try to decide if they should go or not...
Am doing good ....all house repairs done...no storms so for this season (knock wood)....Life is good again..... :)

[mavriktu]

:D Dapples gunny as heck, nice, and I know you were from there reading another one of your posts, how you doin now?? :eek:
UHHHH,she is actually doing ,well,you see its' like this ,I uhhhh, well Hell I told her not to try them all in one night,and my gawd look at this liquor bill :eek:

[dapples]

UHHHH,she is actually doing ,well,you see its' like this ,I uhhhh, well Hell I told her not to try them all in one night,and my gawd look at this liquor bill :eek:
Dont pay Mav any mind.....he aint been "quite right" since Katrina...hehehe :D

[dapples]

FEMA FIZZLE COCKTAIL...

I was more thinking that you just open a bottle of beer, let it sit on your kitchen table for a couple of days and then slam it.

^5
I can tell you understand ;)

[mavriktu]

Dont pay Mav any mind.....he aint been "quite right" since Katrina...hehehe :D
Ouch,guess who is going to bed by himself tonight :mad: :(

[dapples]

Ouch,guess who is going to bed by himself tonight :mad: :(

you old thread killer you

[1UNDER1]

Thats cool, all the houses are rebuilt and habitable? :confused:

[dapples]

Thats cool, all the houses are rebuilt and habitable? :confused:


In the area I live in, most are all ok now
but
in other areas, not even close....imagine living in your neighborhood with NOONE for blocks ...no medical facilities, no police protection, no stores or markets, no schools....how and when do people rebuild there? :(

We are lucky, we are just north of the City and just east of the Gulf Coast...all our damage was wind...didnt have to deal with the mold, sludge and flood water like others did........

Thanks for asking, havent been to NYC in 3 years...love it there! :)

[mainedawg]

AHHHHHHH Mav, I see you are having cold shoulder for supper. :p

[1UNDER1]

In the area I live in, most are all ok now
but
in other areas, not even close....imagine living in your neighborhood with NOONE for blocks ...no medical facilities, no police protection, no stores or markets, no schools....how and when do people rebuild there? :(

We are lucky, we are just north of the City and just east of the Gulf Coast...all our damage was wind...didnt have to deal with the mold, sludge and flood water like others did........

Thanks for asking, havent been to NYC in 3 years...love it there! :)
wow no POLICE why is that, I thought the mayor had a police state back in order? :eek:

[BaseballBabe]

Will have to try one of those. Normally, I do not drink but last night I had a Lemon Drop. The waitress had to come back to ask me what type of liquior to put in it. I looked at my friend and he said "Grey Goose". It was definitely an interesting taste but I won't try it ever again. I guess it is an acquired taste. :eek: :o


Earlier that day, I did have 3 glasses of wine at the A's Wine Festival.

Sutter Home White Zin
Rosenblum S.F. Bay Zin (Rosenblum is our local Winery).

Never had an acquired taste for wine until I had Sutter Home. Yum! :D It really tasted great with Dark Chocolate with Rasberry filling from Ghiradelli Chocolates.