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bpd_103
05-17-2006, 08:33 PM
I'm preparing lesson plans for a couple upcoming report writing classes. I'd like a few examples of bad report writing that has made it into your agencies reports. Let me know what you got. Here's one of mine:

From an unattended death report: "The patient was under the doctor's car for some time."

Thanks!

sflcop
05-17-2006, 09:21 PM
One we had... "I called the Captain to let him know what I got."

1042 Trooper
05-17-2006, 09:29 PM
I'm preparing lesson plans for a couple upcoming report writing classes. I'd like a few examples of bad report writing that has made it into your agencies reports. Let me know what you got. Here's one of mine:

From an unattended death report: "The patient was under the doctor's car for some time."

Thanks!

"Sicks munc ugoh I kudnt spel trupre. Now I ahm wun."

Camo Cop
05-17-2006, 10:01 PM
The Chief's nephew came to work with us. I wrote his reports for a while. finally the day that I told him he had to do it himself. I had him recount the details of the event to me then told him to get ready to write while I dictated. When he finished I checked it out.

"Upon my arrival" was written as: A pon my arivel...

It was a loooooooooong day!!!

Good news... his LEO career was very short. He now cuts grass for a living.

Frank Booth
05-17-2006, 10:03 PM
...........deleted.............

bpd_103
05-17-2006, 11:23 PM
If you're giving a class, how about telling them to use first person...It's the 21st century and you don't have to refer to yourself as "writer" anymore....You can actually just say "I".
I do & I will. ;)

Tim Dees
05-17-2006, 11:40 PM
My favorite report writing story concerns a case taken by a very senior officer who was working for a rookie sergeant (me) who had ten years less time on the job than the officer. The case dealt with a comventional sexual assault, with a female victim and a male suspect (why I need to clarify that will become obvious in a moment). The report was one very long sentence that included the passage "the suspect forced the victim to perform cunnilingus on him" (the big word wasn't spelled correctly). I read this several times to make sure I had it right, then took it to him and said, "Al, I don't think this is anatomically possible." He got very upset with me and asked me if I was going to give him time off to attend English classes at college. I asked him if this is what the victim actually told him. He replied, "Well, I can't put what she really said in the report." When I asked him what she had said, he told me, whispering, "He said he made her go down on him." I said, "Then say that. Everyone will know what she meant, and if there's some doubt, it will come out in testimony."

The moral here: don't use the big word unless your are certain of its meaning.

By the way, when I taught the sex crimes unit in criminal investigation, I put the following terms on the board and then explained the meaning of each one, because I knew that most students would never admit that there was something about sex they didn't know. How many do you know?


Adultery Sex by a married person with a partner who is not his or her spouse.
Fornication Sex by a person who is unmarried.
Sodomy Any sex act other than penile-vaginal intercourse.
The infamous crime against nature An archaic term for sodomy, but the name of a statute on the Nevada books when I was in the academy in 1979. I was the only one in class that would ask what it meant.
Buggery Anal sex. This is still a common English curse word, e.g "Bugger all," or "Bugger off."
Fellatio Oral sex performed on a man's penis.
Cunnilingus Oral sex performed on a woman's vagina.


Drag your cursor over the space after each term to see the definition.

SHERIFF
05-17-2006, 11:51 PM
How many do you know?

4. The infamous crime against nature -- An archaic term for sodomy, but the name of a statute on the Nevada books when I was in the academy in 1979. I was the only one in class that would ask what it meant.


All except #4. Never heard it called that! :eek:

Seawolf
05-18-2006, 12:02 AM
Hey Tim, while you're here. Sheriff needs help with his Profile. For some reason it's jammed up and he can't change his details. Thanks ;)

chaser266
05-18-2006, 12:30 AM
Crimes against nature is actually still on the books here in Virginia. Even the rookies here in Virginia are familiar with the statute, as it's discussed in the academy:

ยง 18.2-361. Crimes against nature; penalty.

A. If any person carnally knows in any manner any brute animal, or carnally knows any male or female person by the anus or by or with the mouth, or voluntarily submits to such carnal knowledge, he or she shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony...

SHERIFF
05-18-2006, 12:44 AM
In normal conversation is what I meant. :rolleyes:

Much easier to say "sodomy" then to say "crimes against nature".

Kieth M.
05-18-2006, 01:26 AM
I just kicked back a report to the rookie the other day with:

"One party complaint of paint to the buttocks" AND No, it wasn't a crime against nature incident! :D

Catman
05-18-2006, 08:23 AM
Can't quote it exactly but here it goes......

Mrs Doe came home from work at 5pm and parked her car in the apartment lot. When she came out the next morning, you guessed it, car gone.

:D

slamdunc
05-18-2006, 08:30 AM
'Saw drunk, arrested same'
Deputy Buck Savage

kirch
05-18-2006, 01:53 PM
This was relayed to me in the academy.

An officer dicated a Use of Force report explaining how he had hit a suspect in the leg with his baton. The person typing the report heard, "I struck the subject in his shin with my baton." But the typist wrote, "I struck the subject in his chin with my baton." One little letter turned this into a deadly force encounter.

Tim Dees
05-18-2006, 07:30 PM
During my last year of college, I worked as a dispatcher for the campus police department. Officers there dictated their reports, which were typed up by a clerk who was not one of God's more intellectually gifted creatures. One day she leaned out of her office and asked me, "Tim, how do you spell 'gentiles'?"

"G-E-N-T-I-L-E-S."

"Thanks."

Then it hit me, and I asked, "How are you using it in the sentence?"

"The suspect then kicked Lieutenant Jones in the gentiles."

"I think you want to use 'genitals,' instead."

<long pause> "Does that mean <giggle> balls?"

Yes, that's what it means.

Frank Booth
05-18-2006, 08:20 PM
..............deleted..............

Garbage Man
05-18-2006, 10:24 PM
One of my favorite Sgts teaches report writing. One of his big bugaboos is "verbal argument."

Kieth M.
05-19-2006, 12:39 AM
One of my favorite Sgts teaches report writing. One of his big bugaboos is "verbal argument."

Yes, I'm with him! I usually ask the officer submitting the report, "verbal, as opposed to hand-written notes? sign-language? pantomime?"

shadow1actual
05-19-2006, 12:52 AM
We have an officer that continually states in his reports that he "gave the subject a brake" for misc. offenses.

Tim Dees
05-19-2006, 01:17 AM
One of my favorite Sgts teaches report writing. One of his big bugaboos is "verbal argument."And for years I used the phrase "blue (or white, or green...) in color." Could it be blue, white, or green in anything else?

OffDuty
05-19-2006, 01:36 AM
'Saw drunk, arrested same'
Deputy Buck Savage

Yeah.. download that clip for your powerpoint in class...

jdbucksavage.com LOLs all day long.

TPO
05-19-2006, 09:48 PM
If you're giving a class, how about telling them to use first person...It's the 21st century and you don't have to refer to yourself as "writer" anymore....You can actually just say "I".


i HATE that! how retarded is it to hear every reference to yourself as RO? if they ask you to read your report in court, it should sound like you wrote it.

when i was in traffic, i filed all the hit and runs. in roughly 60% of them, the officers never even met the elements of the offense. sure it's an offense, but unless you make sure you include all the elements, it isn't as far as the courts are concerned. i kicked back a ton of reports. if you have trouble with this, get out the penal code and write your report making sure you cover each of those little numbered areas in your report.

you have to be unbiased when you write a report. you know what the scene looked like, sounded like, and even smelled like. if you don't explain that, you're depriving your audience (the jury) of some good info. i saw felony reports that were a couple of sentences long. that'll look good when it goes to court. :rolleyes:

another biggie: PROOF READ. it's even better if someone else proofs it too.

SammyCal1
05-19-2006, 10:10 PM
One that comes to mind is not knowing whether they are the first person or third person as in this quote, "This officer placed the suspect in my car."

This is another frequent one that I encounter, "Myself along with Ptl. Smith did..." as opposed to, "Ptl. Smith and I did..."

We also have a guy that does not know the difference between WHERE, WEAR, WE'RE, & WERE or THEIR, THERE, & THEY'RE.

Some things are legitimate typos, but I get such a headache reading some of these reports.

Sammy

10 FORTY 3
05-22-2006, 02:28 AM
we have a deputy who is not the brightest crayon in the box....a great guy with the best intentions but never the less...he is not the most flamboyant person....he responded to a B&E to a residence one time where the suspect had defecated on the floor before he left the victim's residence and instead of using the term "defecated" in his report or something to that effect he put this...

.....before the suspect left the residence he took a **** on the floor. I advised the victim if he learned who the suspect is to contact the sheriff's office. Further Investigation required.

the funny part is.....he was serious and didn't know that would not fly when the supervisor reviewed the report...

1042 Trooper
05-22-2006, 02:33 PM
Once had an off duty LAPD detective as a Criminal Investigations instructor in my second year of college. It was a night class stock full of smart a*ssed cops going for an easy "A." We breached the subject of sex crimes.

This dork was as serious as a heart attack when he mispronounced the following words, repeatedly, over and over again...

Orgy - pronounced, "Or-Gee (Hard G like GET a GRIP

Fellatio - pronounced, "Fell-AT-ee-oh"

Cunnilingus - pronounced, "Cul-ing-gree-us"

Masochist - "Mace-Oh-chist"

Then, as if the ten or so of us in the back row wetting our pants in suppressed laughter isn't enough, he goes to give definitions.

Golden Shower Queen - "This is a guy that like to take shower after sex."

Dominatrix - "This is a woman who likes to be beat up."

Cross dresser - "This is just another name for homosexual or "queer" behavior."

Needless to say, the break halfway through the class was a real hoot.

sink156
05-23-2006, 03:07 PM
Due to an on going ****ing match with the LT. my partner now ends every internal report with "Once again, due to our highly tuned investigative skills, another warrant case has been solved."

LT. just returned from vacation so I am waiting to hear about it.

sink156
05-23-2006, 08:55 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^

That's pretty much what I told him.

bpd_103
05-24-2006, 04:20 AM
Why stoop to that level? Makes your partner look immature.
Yeah, but it's fun to watch! ;)

SMPPD87
05-24-2006, 08:27 AM
"subject had a ceasure" :p

hmm
05-24-2006, 08:34 PM
An area where I have had problems with some officers is in situations where a foreign language was used. They will write a report and quote a subject's statements in Spanish. They then fail to translate the quote into English for the reader. I tell them they can write what the subjects said in English and put in the report the conversation was in Spanish. They may also write in Spanish what they said with an English translation.