dating advice!!

[friend4sure]

Hello, I'm new here and have a question...

About 2 months ago I started talking to a guy on the computer (penpal site) and he is a LEO. We have a lot in common, and he sounds like a great guy. About 2 weeks ago we started talking on the phone and we've had some pretty long conversations and we've decided to meet in March. However, lately it's been hard getting ahold of him and I wanted your opinions on this matter...

He's been in LE for 5 years, he's in a highly populated area and is on a special teams unit (or something like that), works 7 days a week, long shifts, plus is feeling a little under the weather. From reading other posts...being in a relationship with a LEO can be tough for many reasons. This past week I haven't been able to talk to him much...Maybe an hour total...he's never given me a reason to think that he's not interested in being friends, he's really polite on the phone and sounds interested. I totally understand he has a demanding job, and the odd hours this week is taking a toll on him...

so my question is...should I continue to try and contact him, or should I let things rest and have him get a hold of me? I really like him, and I completely understand his job is demanding...he hardly has time for himself let alone a stranger! I don't want to scare him off by being too persistant, however I do want to let him know that I'm interested and that I'm not shying away just because he has long, hard, stressful hours.

I don't at all want to demand time from him...what advice can you give me??? Like I said he hasn't given me a reason to think that he isn't interested in me...but since I've never met him before...and it's hard to get a hold of him...how do I know for sure if its his job that's causing the delay in phone conversations or him not interested???

Sorry, guess this was a long post. As you can tell I like him...even as a friend if nothing ever developes...I want some advice from other LEO's to know what to expect...since I've never been in a relationship with a LEO before.

Thanks for listening!

[Motocop]

I'm sure you're going to get different advice on how to handle your situation, but here's mine......

Lately I've been working so much lately (66 hours in 4 days) that I haven't been able to spend any time with my wife. She's getting a little upset about it but understands that it's part of the job. So........

If he's as busy at work that you say he is then it's probably just that. Wait a few days and then give him a call. If you don't get a hold of him then leave a message asking him to return your call when he's feeling better and has time away from work. Don't push too hard, just let him know that you'll be there when he calls back, and that you're genuinely sincere about his well being and talking with him. If he calls then you know the answer to your question. If he doesn't call, then its time you decide whether or not to pursue getting an answer from him on where your relationship stands.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you've made several attempts to talk with him lately but haven't been successful, so let him make the next move. Good luck.

[AngelFire]

I agree with Motocop. Let him know your there and you care about his health, then wait for him to respond.

[friend4sure]

Thanks for your advice! I tried to call him yesterday with no luck...however on Tues. I talked to him beifly and he said he was just about to call me! So...I guess time will tell. I think I will write him a letter, then leave it at that until I hear back from him.

Are there many single LEO's on here that find it hard to meet/keep a relationship because of you profession? (men or women) And if you're starting a new relationship...what are some things that you'd want your partner to realize/know?

[irishlad2nv]

...he isn't going to New Hampshire anytime soon...sorry wrong post...or maybe not.

Listen...you met him on the internet so for you to understand his schedule can be very difficult. As far as him being in LE...please be careful as their are many "wannabes" out there, and if he has not specified what Department he works for, etc...I mean the working 7 days a week...well it can happen, however...who knows.

Anyway, i would not read into it too much being that you have never met the guy. Being in LE and the schedule we can have can and is difficult to our loved ones, etc...

[grl247]

:D Friend- I am a female LEO and single! I have found that for me it's easy to date other LEO because we already have things in common. But hey..I'm still single! Most love there jobs and not all but for some it is their life.
I would give this guy some space. If he hasn't returned your call and he is interested like you said then he will call. Sometimes work can take over and you need to catch up with yourself before your friends. Good luck..I know I will turn to the forum for advise if I ever find a man!!!! :)

[maf4235]

LOL about the New Hampshire comment....

I have been in LE for 9 years now, and have dated my fair share of officers, let me put it bluntly, leave him alone and he will come to you....do not call him, send him a letter, text him, or e-mail him....If it is meant to be, he knows where you are. Don't take that "I am too busy" comment lying down, doesn't he have a cell phone that he can call you with between running from call to call at work??? I am in the same situation you are in, I met a great guy on line, we have not yet met in person and between the two of us we both work 80+ hours a week, we still find time to call each other during the day, send a text message or those cute little hallmark e-cards to each other. Let him see that you can manage just fine without him and if it is meant to be, he will come chasing after you...but that is just my perspective...

[Ninjagirl]

All I can say is hang on! Dating a LEO is crazy ride. Can be worth it though. If you decide he is the one you want...your screwed jk. BTW, breaking up and making up every month seems to be common lol just a heads up.

[friend4sure]

maf4235~thanks for your response...you're right. I came on this site to get some honest answers since I've never been involved with a LEO before. I'll let him be for a while, and we'll see if he calls. He has called me quite often while he was on patrol...and got put on hold quite a bit while he would respond to calls, the scanner, and pull people over. This is the first week I really haven't talked to him much, and I miss it. Though he's also working hours he normally doesn't and he's sick...so I'll leave him be!

Did I mention I hate the dating scene! LOL. It's so hard to NOT call someone when you really like them! :)

Ninjagirl~ So I've heard it's a Wild Ride! LOL. I honestly don't know what to expect when it comes to dating a cop. Some posts I read that it's tough and because of what they face everyday, stress, long hours, etc...that they need time to breath and take care of themselves....then in other posts they say that they should be able to leave work at work...and focus all on family when they're home...I guess finding a happy medium is key huh!

[Ninjagirl]

He has called me quite often while he was on patrol...and got put on hold quite a bit while he would respond to calls, the scanner, and pull people over.

**I love that part...'got em gotta go...click...' lol**

Did I mention I hate the dating scene! LOL. It's so hard to NOT call someone when you really like them! :) **TORTURE!!!**

Ninjagirl~ So I've heard it's a Wild Ride! LOL. I honestly don't know what to expect when it comes to dating a cop. Some posts I read that it's tough and because of what they face everyday, stress, long hours, etc...that they need time to breath and take care of themselves....then in other posts they say that they should be able to leave work at work...and focus all on family when they're home...I guess finding a happy medium is key huh!

**NOPE! Understanding that the job is his wife and you will always be mistress is key. Understand that they REALLY almost die everyday! And they can't share that stuff with you. So you have to let it be. However, they will NEVER let anyone hurt or disrespect you. Also, get ready for the 2am phone calls every night after shift change. :mad: Then get used to not being able to sleep when he doesnt 'tuck you in'.**

10 characters outside the quotes lol

[maf4235]

Take it from me FRIEND...it is a strange and crazy ride with these LEO men....I have dated enough of them to start my own Police Department...LOL.But it is worth the ride for the right guy...call a friend if you feel like calling him, hell call me (Seriously)...us LEO dating girls have to stick together...I can give you tips you have never thought of...have fun, it is a good time if you stick to YOUR guns and do not call him, and make him come to YOU!!! Michelle

[hemicop]

He's just not that into you! Read the book. Sorry, you asked! I'd leave him be. If he wants you he knows where to find you. Personally, I wouldn't date a cop---period.

[Ninjagirl]

(Seriously)...us LEO dating girls have to stick together...

lmao

10 characters

[Seventy2002]

lately it's been hard getting ahold of him and I wanted your opinions on this matter...

He's been in LE for 5 years, he's in a highly populated area and is on a special teams unit (or something like that), works 7 days a week, long shifts, plus is feeling a little under the weather.

7 days a week, long shifts, no wonder he's "under the weather." Nobody is so indispensable that they must work every day and when they

[Ninjagirl]

Mine loves the double shifts 6 days a week. he just cant get enough...of the job or the overtime...

[friend4sure]

Thanks for your honest opinions. I'll leave him be...though it's tough to "not pick up the phone" and try to call him! Grrrrrr.... Since day 1 that I talked to him...he said he works everyday of the week...so I don't think he's lying about that.

We'll see what happens...

is there any single, nice (male) cops on here?? LOL :D

[Ninjagirl]

:D What is it about cops!!!? Date one and you'll never go back.....so damn addicting!

[friend4sure]

I don't know what it is about cops....I've never came in contact with one until I met this guy. But now that I think about it...why haven't I chased after them before?!!!!! LOL.

Their time at work, not telling about the horror they see while on duty doesn't bother me. To be honest...I don't particularly care what a guy does for a living...as long as they care about me for who I am.


Ninja....you're too funny!! I don't wanna go back! lol

[grl247]

Maf- I could have used you during my last breakup...Great advise is hard to find!!

[Ninjagirl]

I don't know what it is about cops....I've never came in contact with one until I met this guy. But now that I think about it...why haven't I chased after them before?!!!!! LOL.

Their time at work, not telling about the horror they see while on duty doesn't bother me. To be honest...I don't particularly care what a guy does for a living...as long as they care about me for who I am.


Ninja....you're too funny!! I don't wanna go back! lol

spank you very much...mine is my first too. Now i couldnt imagine dating anybody but leo. some guys are cops, its who they are..some girls are cops wives its who they are. i come from 16 generations of le. its a way of life.

[t_law21]

I have dated many cops; & actually met w/a few online. I didn't initally go looking for cops; but I think I have this built in magnet that draws them to me, like moths to a flame. Anyway, one in particular would always call while @ work, we talked for months on the phone, hours a day, & finally I made the 3hr. trip to visit him @ his house......you will never believe the "balls" or lack there of that this man had; I showed up @ his house, just to find out it was his "wives" house too. I guess what I'm getting @ is just be cautious of him & his intentions. I'm not pegging all men this way, I'm now in a very good LE relationship he lives over 2 hrs. away. We make time to see each other & talk to one another on a daily basis. He also works "tons" of overtime 80-90 hrs./wk. ; so hang in there & if he thinks you are worth it, he"ll make time for you. :D Trista

[friend4sure]

HE CALLED!!!!!!!! Yipppeeee! LOL. I'm a happy girl tonight!

I never went out to intentionally try and find a cop...he just showed up! :D The shifts are taking a toll on him I think...and he ended up going to the doctor today, he's been sick and finally got some antibiotics to help. I was just glad to see his number on my caller ID.

t_law21...you are absolutley right. I have to be cautious since I haven't met him yet. But, I'd have to be cautious no matter who I was talking to...cop or no cop. By the way...I love your name!

[t_law21]

I'm glad you're happy :D And of course you are right about being cautious of anyone; I'm glad you see that! Hope your guy gets to feeling better. Working all the time, (crazy shifts), & stress can really take its toll on a persons health. Keep us updated on how it's going. :)

[Jellybean400]

I agree with Motocop. Let him know your there and you care about his health, then wait for him to respond.

I agree. You've gotten lots of good advice on this thread, IMO.

But i dont think this is a 'LEO thing,' i think it's an 'interent thing.' When you meet people on the internet, it just seems like its so much easier for them to NOT contact you, disappear, or seem so busy all the time. And i have found they really DO disappear so often...even guys i've chatted with for a long time, and felt like i was getting close to. Its bizarre!

I'm giving this last dating site i'm on right now one more chance. I'm really tired of 'internet people.' And i've dated LEO's, and was married to one... and i'm kinda sick of that scene, too. Maybe its just ME tonite :p I've been excited over so many guys i met online that just led to disappointment, i have no hope for them anymore!

[t_law21]

Hey friend4sure........just wonderin' if you've heard from your boy??? If so is he feeling ne better? I think the bug is going around, & I've now got it. :(

[friend4sure]

Yes I heard from him the other night...He was on his way to work for a long nights shift...all pumped and ready to go! LOL. He also tried to call me yesterday but I was not home :( He's working overtime this weekend (as usual) then his normal night shifts so I'm not sure when a good time to call him would be...plus I'll be busy myself, so not sure if I will get a hold of him.

t-law...I hope you feel better, the bug is going around...even my son came home from school early yesterday cause he was under the weather.

[maf4235]

I say that it is a good thing that you were not home, let him wonder where you were and for him to try to get a hold of YOU for once... Still do not go after him...let him go after you, it is all about the chase with these boys. If it is too easy for them, they do not want it...Do not always be there right away for him. Good luck.

[BaseballBabe]

I say that it is a good thing that you were not home, let him wonder where you were and for him to try to get a hold of YOU for once... Still do not go after him...let him go after you, it is all about the chase with these boys. If it is too easy for them, they do not want it...Do not always be there right away for him. Good luck.

I have to agree with maf. Make HIM get ahold of you for once.

I think I have something to. My throat has been itching. :(

[deputy x 2]

He's just not that into you! Read the book. Sorry, you asked! I'd leave him be. If he wants you he knows where to find you. Personally, I wouldn't date a cop---period.

I agree with Hemi.

Sounds like a convenient relationship. Hmmm perhaps even a beat wife. :eek: :eek: