So, whats YOUR favorite Family Guy quote

[RabbitMPD]

Hey Family Guy fans. I was trying to figure out what my favorite family guy quote is and I'm at a loss. There are so many of them! But what

[sureshot015]

Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total b^tch.
(ever want to say that on a date?)

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.

[BrickCop]

Don't remember the exact quotes...

Stewie: (upon seeing a guy in a wheelchair for the first time) "...it's, it's a Cyborg"!

Stewie: "AHHH, I am beginning to like you mother, I shall kill you last"!

Stewie makes that whole show. Too much Peter IMO. :D

[fahrenheit]

Stewie: "You! Cut my milk!"
Waiter: "I can't cut it sir, it's a liquid."
Stewie: "Imbecile! Freeze it, then cut it! Contradict me again and I'll put you on diaper dutie, and I promise I won't make it easy for you!"

[Frank Booth]

..........double post...............

[ZmanCarlvr]

Lois came over to Quagmire's place...


Quagmire: OO Lois, sorry for pointing! (while is hands are up on his hips or somewhere)

[Mikis]

Meg: Chris - stop hogging all the AC
Chris: Meg - stop hogging all the ugly


Brian: Yeah, so.....
Peter: Whoa! You can talk !?

[code3_K9]

#1; Stewie Griffin: They're getting nude! I mustn't watch, it's not the proper thing to... Wow! I say, nice ones, Janine! And look at Lisa in all of her curvaceous glory! Heavens, it appears that my weewee has been stricken with rigor mortis!



Lois: What's going on down here?
Stewie: Oh, we're playing house.
Lois: That boy's all tied up.
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house


When Peter is trying to potty-train Stewie -

P: Maybe you don't have to pee. I'll just give you some beer, it'll run right through you.

S: Beautiful. And while we're at it we can light up a dubey and watch porn.

P: Rea.. Really?


Stewie Griffin: [to ticket agent] Now listen to me... [looks at agent's name tag]
Stewie Griffin: Jo-LENE. I've got an army to raise and I must get to Nicaragua. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal AND NO PICKLES. OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES.

[RabbitMPD]

"But no sprikles. For every sprinkle I find, I'll kill you."

[SIGman1]

Brian: (slurring his words) I'm not drunk, I just have a speech impediment....(vomits) and the stomach flu.....(falls off the bar stool) and an inner ear problem.

[Welpe]

I could quote the whole series...it pure comedic genius...

"I say, am I to wallow around all day in my own feces? A little service here!" - Stewie

"Oh Lois! How....expected." - Quagmire

"You must be at least this fine to ride the Quagmire!" - Quagmire

"Oh hahaha, the fat man made a funny! Oh me next...yes you cook very slowly! Why you cook so slow that....well...you don't cook very fast at all now do you? Wait, that wasn't very funny." - Stewie

Et all.

[skwashie]

Ohhhhhh my there are just toooo many :D



Nun: It appears Peter Griffin has entered a sinogague
Nun2: Lock and load brides of christ....

Quagmire: Hello 911.... yeah, yeah, its in a window this time...


Quagmire: Hey hunny why dont you turn around and show me the lower east side...
Transvestite: SURE
Quagmire: woah transvestite!!!!! Back off.... Wait a sec pre op or post op?
Transvestite: Pre-Op
Quagmire: woah transvestite!!! backoff....


Peter: What are you gonna make me do? wack a guy, off a guy, wack off a guy? cause im married.

[RabbitMPD]

"Run home peter! Run as fast as you can!!!"

"AHHHHHHH........AHHHHHHH.......AHHHHHHHH........AH HHHHHHH........AHHHHHHHH........AHHHHHHHH........A HHHHHHHH........"

Any true Family Guy fan knows what I'm talkin about. :D



"Hi Mrs. Griffin? It's the FBI. Promise you wont be mad and it's probably nothing....but the killer might know where your son is."



Peter: Oh my God I need to call the sheriff!
*phone rings*
Peter: Hello sheriff? This is Peter Griffin....
Peter again: Ok, calm down sir, what's your name again?
Peter yet again: Yeah that

[Mikis]

::Peter trying to hide identity::

nurse: And what's your name sir?
Peter: My name....uhhh.......Pea.......Tear......Griffin.... .damn!

[Styx]

I have never seen it...(I am ashamed). After reading some of these quotes..it looks pretty funny. There is a character named Stewie? Is it spelled that way? Thats funny for personal reasons......

Tell me about the show and why I would like it. I dont get offended easily, if at all. I can be pretty crude when I dont have my mommy mask on. I love the Simpsons and King of the Hill if that helps.

[Welpe]

"Hey bartender, who's leg do I have to hump to get a dry martini around here?" - Brian

Styx, you must check out Family Guy. Stewie is a vindictive little baby who's dead set on matricide. It's comedic genius. :)

[Styx]

"Styx, you must check out Family Guy. Stewie is a vindictive little baby who's dead set on matricide. It's comedic genius. :)

Sounds funny....thanks for the heads up on Stewie. My toddler does not need any more ideas....she gets enough from Bart. I will watch it when she is asleep!

[RabbitMPD]

Look under my name...that little baby is stewie.

Family Guy is on every night at 10pm and 1am on cartoon network. It runs during a series of cartoons called 'Adult Swim' in which they show Family Guy, Futurama, and a few other "adult" cartoons.

Also, FOX is airing reruns after The Simpsons. I think TBS has reruns at 7pm on Wednesdays as well. If all else fails, go to the video store and rent the first few seasons. I guarantee your sides will hurt by the end of the night.

Oh and by the way. It's definitely a plus if you don't get offended easily. Lots of offensive jokes.


Peter: Hey, why do woman have boobs? So you got somethin' to look at while your talkin to em! (Long pause) ......So you got somethin' to look at while your talkin to em!

*After telling that joke Peter is called into his bosses office*

Mr. Weed: Peter I have some bad news. Our company is being investigated for sexual harassment. A charge has been filed by (insert name here).

Peter: Oh is that the same lady we video tapped takin' a dump?................What?





"Lois is right! Children under 4 shouldn't smoke!"

[Titan67]

Lois Griffin: Peter, what did you promise me last night?
Peter Griffin: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party.
Lois Griffin: And what did you do?
Peter Griffin: Drank at the stag pa -... Whoa! I almost walked right into that one.

Peter Griffin: Uh, what could me and you do together?
[Lois giggles]
Peter Griffin: Lois. You've got a sick mind.
Lois Griffin: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter Griffin: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money

Tom Tucker: Due to an accident today at the Quahog Cable Company, all television transmissions will be out for an undetermined ammount of time. Of course no one can see this news program so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. How about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons: Well Tom, I just plain don't like black people.
[they laugh]
Cameraman: You guys, we're still on in Boston.
[Tom and Diane stare in horror]

Cult Leader: Are you a confused adolescent desperately seeking acceptance from an undifferentiated ego mass that demands conformity?

Peter Griffin: Joe, I've had new neighbors before but none of them were half the man you are. And since you're half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even measure.
Francis Griffin: You're a good woman, Lois. Perhaps you won't burn in Hell after all. Maybe you'll just go to Purgatory with all the unbaptized babies.

[Mikis]

::Peter decks sports fan heckling Chris::

Son of fan: Hey, you hit my mom!
Peter: You mean I hit your dad
Crowd: Everyone, give her some room
Peter: You mean give him some room
Crowd: Look, she's going into labor
Peter: You mean he's going into labor

[RabbitMPD]

Drunk Peter: "Hey! Wheres that Peter Griffin guy?!? He said he would give me 50 bucks to take off all my clothes off!"


Isn't it amazing how the quotes just keep on coming? God I can't wait till' May.

[ZmanCarlvr]

"Run home peter! Run as fast as you can!!!"

"AHHHHHHH........AHHHHHHH.......AHHHHHHHH........AH HHHHHHH........AHHHHHHHH........AHHHHHHHH........A HHHHHHHH........"

Any true Family Guy fan knows what I'm talkin about. :D

That lasts a whole 30 seconds.. it is damn hilarious!!




"I feel like I've died and gone to heaven... but then. they realized it wasn't my time so they sent me back to a brewery..." ---Peter at the Pawtucket brewery



ANd dont forget about the CHUMBAWUMBAS!!

[lsmalibu]

*When Peter accidentally delivers all the family's present to Toys for Toddlers*

Brian: Peter, only one of those presents was for charity, the rest were for the family.

Peter: No, they were from the family...Oh crap, when did they change the meaning of "for" to "from"?

Brian: They sent you memo about it, but it said "For Peter," so I guess you thought it was from you. Oh, forget it, it's just easier to call you stupid.

*After dinner at Dave & Dottie's, the nudists*

Chris: BOOBIES!

Lois: Chris, be quiet!

Chris: BOOBIES!

Lois: Peter...

Peter: Do it.

::Everyone but Chris puts on sunglasses, Lois zaps Chris with memory ray, a la Men In Black::

Lois: Chris, honey, did you have fun at the circus?

Chris: Elephants are bigger in person!

[Catman]

Peter: Hey Chris, what's wrong with your leg? OH MY GOD! :D

[Styx]

Look under my name...that little baby is stewie.

Family Guy is on every night at 10pm and 1am on cartoon network. It runs during a series of cartoons called 'Adult Swim' in which they show Family Guy, Futurama, and a few other "adult" cartoons.

Also, FOX is airing reruns after The Simpsons. I think TBS has reruns at 7pm on Wednesdays as well. If all else fails, go to the video store and rent the first few seasons. I guarantee your sides will hurt by the end of the night.

Oh and by the way. It's definitely a plus if you don't get offended easily. Lots of offensive jokes.


Peter: Hey, why do woman have boobs? So you got somethin' to look at while your talkin to em! (Long pause) ......So you got somethin' to look at while your talkin to em!

*After telling that joke Peter is called into his bosses office*

Mr. Weed: Peter I have some bad news. Our company is being investigated for sexual harassment. A charge has been filed by (insert name here).

Peter: Oh is that the same lady we video tapped takin' a dump?................What?





"Lois is right! Children under 4 shouldn't smoke!"


Thanks...I will check it out. As far as being offended...not a chance. I like it when shows are so bold that they dont give a chickens turd who they offend.....I walk on eggshells too much during the day explaining things to my daughter about what is nice and what is not...how its not nice to make fun of people, etc. BUUUUUTTTTTT, little does she know....

Stewie looks psychotic; a true image of what some mothers see in their own toddlers.

[code3_K9]

Peter Griffin: You know those Germans; if you don't join the party, they come get you.


Peter Griffin: Oh, you people can kiss the fattest part of my ***.


Meg Griffin: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well that would just leave England.


Li: Stewie, come complete our rainbow.
Stewie Griffin: I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."


Janet: Hi. Cookie?
Stewie Griffin: Well, it's Stewie, but... you can call me "cookie" if you like. Yes, I also answer to "Artemis, " "Agent Buckwald" and "Snake." Yes, I rather like "Snake." Snake Griffin.
[wiggles his tongue like a snake]


Stewie Griffin: [Picking up the phone] Hello, operator. Hello... Oh god, that's right you have to punch in the numbers nowadays. Uhhh, I should know this. Oh yes,
[dialing number]
Stewie Griffin: 867-5309, yes that's it. Wait that's not it, damn you Tommy Two-Tone. Huh, only one thing to do 111-1111, Lois? Damn. 111-1112 Lois? DAMN. 111-1113...

[Armored Car Guy]

Brian: "Hey, Peter, it's seven o'clock and you've still got your pants on. What's the occassion?"

Peter Griffin: "Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says "OOOOOO".
Brian: "Peter, those are Cheerios."

Brian:"Well, Peter, you've only got a couple of hours left. If you're going to pull a party out of your ***, you might want to stand up."

:D :D :D

[1BAD-SS]

Stewie: "You! Get me the Wall Street Journal. You two! Fight to the death."

[davidh304]

Keep em coming, great thread!

[code3_K9]

Victory Is Mine!!! :D

[code3_K9]

Its like the time I put my hand down my pants in class... For punishment, I had to keep my hands in my pants that whole week... That was a fun week.

[Welpe]

"You all....are...shpppecial people! No no let me be serious for a minute...."

[gpinindy]

Stewie: I have a surprise for you in my diaper... I'll give you a hint... it's not a toaster.

[Armored Car Guy]

Tom Tucker: Well, I believe I speak for everyone when I say all the New Yorkers can go fornicate themselves with a steel rod.

Peter: If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be?
Quagmire: Taylor Hanson.
Joe Swanson: Taylor Hanson is a guy.
Quagmire: [Laughs] You guys are yankin' me. "Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire."
Peter: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire.
Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible.
[Pause]
Quagmire: Oh god. Oh my god. I've got all these magazines. Oh god.

Peter: I'm gonna go microwave a bagel and have sex with it.
Quagmire: Butter's in the fridge!

Quagmire (runs outside in a robe): Hey guys, what's going on? I was just jerki ... ed out of a deep sleep.

[hgibby]

I love that show, I watch all of Adult Swim! Anyone watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force, you have to be really special to watch this one.... But I love Meatwad!!!! His little quivering lip!!! I melt! :D
On to Family Guy.... I like the one where Peter is talking to Lois on the phone when she goes to Spring Break with Meg and I think he plays a recording of her yelling for him and he says he has to go....it's the one where Peter loses their house!!! I laughed my a** off...I am very easily entertained! :D
We may need to start an Aqua Teen Hunger Force Quotes thread...I have the perfect one!! ;)

[gpinindy]

Quagmire: Hey there Gorgeous, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18?
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I Like where this is goin'!


Quagmire: I felt guilty once, but she woke up half way through.

[frank]

My favorite guy saying ..is from my favoite actor! John Wayne and it applies to me, because of all the things and the surgeries I have gone through!
I aint dead yet! ;)

Oh Yes! And.....GET- R - DONE!

[Welpe]

What does that have to do with Family Guy? ;)

[gpinindy]

My favorite guy saying ..is from my favoite actor! John Wayne and it applies to me, because of all the things and the surgeries I have gone through!
I aint dead yet! ;)

Oh Yes! And.....GET- R - DONE!

wtf...lol.....

[RabbitMPD]

Brian:

[Mikey]

*Its peter's birthday and they wheel a cake out to him*

Peter:*cuts into the cake with a large knife*
Blonde: *jumps out of the cake with a knife in her head while shes screaming and blood is going everywhere*
Peter:AHHHHHHH! *pokes cake licks finger* Its COCONUT I HATE COCONUT!

[BlueBlood5883]

Meg: Chris stop drawing me naked.
Chris: DON'T CENSOR ME

And too many countless others to type.

[ramathorn]

Lois: Come on Stewie, you know you can't leave the table until you finish your vegetables.
Stewie: Well, then I shall sit here until one of us expires, and you've got a good forty years on me, woman.
Lois: Sweetie, it's broccoli, it's good for you. Now open up for the airplane ...
Stewie: Never! Damn the broccoli, damn you, and damn the Wright brothers.


Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells

and many many more :D

[VeritasAequitas]

Peter Griffin: I wonder what Scooby and the gang are up to?
TV Announcer: We now return to Scooby-Doo and the Murder Files
Fred: Gee whiz, gang. Looks like the killer gutted the victim, strangled him with his own intestines and then dumped the body in the river.
Velma: Jinkies! What a mystery!
Scooby-Doo: [jumps on Shaggy's arms] Arroo!
Fred: You're right Scoob, we're dealing with one sick son of a bitch!

[Welpe]

"Oh damn now what's that number..... wait...867-5309...no that's not it!"

[RabbitMPD]

Lois: so... how was your day?

Brian: my day? UN-FREAKIN-BELIEVEABLE. First, first we nailed this bastard who had the gall to hide his stuff in his daughters doll. HER DOLL FOR GOD SAKE *takes a long drag of cigarete* wheres the line anymore? well i got news for you its its its not even on the radar screen. the days of decency and virtue are gone honey BAM! freakin evaporated like a dingy stinkin mud puddle. one one day you se-see your reflection in it and the next day its itsa itsa itsa damn oil spot on your cracked driveway staring at you mocking you blah blah blah knowing the perverted truths that rot in the pit of your soul. THATS HOW MY FREAKIN DAY WAS

[Welpe]

From the same episode:

"Stewie: Ah Splendid. Fido McCoke-Fiend is home.
Brian: Everybody, this is Tina.
Meg: Brian! What happened to you?
Brian: Hey. How about a little less questions, and a little more shut the hell up!"

[VeritasAequitas]

I could list the entire script from every show, and claim it as my fav. :D

[Chiram]

"This is a tranquilizer dart. I have enough here to take down Robert Downey, Jr." -Mr. Weed

"I don't wanna feed grandma bacon while she's in the bathtub." -Peter with 15+ tranq darts in him.

[Welpe]

I just looked at the bottom of the screen on this thread and there is a Google ad featuring "Family Guy"! Man those guys are good..... :eek:

[RabbitMPD]

Meg: "Brian, have you lost weight? You have to tell me your secret."

Brian: "Here's some advice....Put down the fork! FACE!!!"

:D

Don't forget new episodes start this Sunday on FOX!!!! I'm so excited!!!

[gpinindy]

I believe I speak for everyone watching when I say that anyone from New York can go and fornicate themselves with iron stick.

[Buttercup]

Hi, just signed up on the site and couldn't resist this thread....every line on the show is great but this is one of my favorites:

(Brian and Stewie are glued together, Stewie wakes up the next moring and looks over at Brian)

Stewie: AHHH! What the HELL do you think you're doing?

Brian: I'm cleaning myself.

Stewie: You were clean 15 minutes ago, now you're just on vacation..


:D

[Welpe]

"A boat's a boat, but the mystery box could be anything. It could even be a boat -- you know how much we've always wanted one of those!" -Peter

"I saw you and him the other day, breaking the Fifth Commandment! Congress passes these things for a reason, Lois." -Peter

"AH HA! So they do make bigger diapers! That deceitful woman told me that I would have to use the toilet someday. Look at it, you're all slaves to it. It does nothing all day but feast on other people's doo-doo and contributes nothing to society. (points to the toilet) YOU GET A JOB!" -Stewie

"In the meantime, here's a little vision test. What is this? A poopie or a Toblerone?"

:D

[RabbitMPD]

"A boat's a boat, but the mystery box could be anything. It could even be a boat -- you know how much we've always wanted one of those!" -Peter :D
Nice one :D

Peter: Gentlemen, we need to talk! My wife says that you're trying to get kids to smoke!

Cigarette Guy: Well, that's just not true! Trust me, Peter, the last thing we want is to kids to start smoking.

Peter: Well what about this doll *Mechanical doll smoking a cigarette*

Cigarette Guy: Peter its just a doll! I mean barbie drives a convertable but you don't see every kid owning a corvette do you?

Peter: Oh yeah? Then what about that graph on the wall that says 'The first thing we want is to get kids to start smoking'?

Cigarette Guy: That? Oh, that's just something my son made me for art class.

Peter: Then what about that poster that says 'The graph was not made in art class. We really do want kids to start smoking.'?

Cigarette Guy: Look Peter, would you really be the president of a company that wants kids to start smoking?

Peter: But I'm not the president.

Cigarette Guy: You are now....if you wanna be!

[Jenova1831]

Stewie: "Ah! Easy! Massage the scalp! Your washing a babys hair, not scrubbing vomit off your Christmas dress, you holiday drunk!"

[Jenova1831]

Stewie: (on the set of Brian's porno directing debut) "Does anyone else smell astroglide?"

[Jenova1831]

Chris: "But there's an evil monkey living in my closet."

[Welpe]

On a side note to this, does any body find they use any particular quote in everyday speech? I've found my self using "I say..." and "What the deuce?" in a Stewie voice more than once.... :eek:

[mase2k]

Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you, very homosexually.

[Jenova1831]

I use Stewie's "There's trechery afoot" line quite often.

[RabbitMPD]

I often times use "alllllriiiiigggghhhhhtttt." :D

[Chiram]

On a side note to this, does any body find they use any particular quote in everyday speech? I've found my self using "I say..." and "What the deuce?" in a Stewie voice more than once.... :eek:

I've used "Oh your God" and "Bite my shiny metal ***" from Futurama before. That really throws people off track.