what would you do?

[MK219]

O.k. here is the situation. My seven year old does not want my wife to walk here to the bus stop or walk here back from it any more. She feels it is like we are treating her like a baby.
The problem is we live in the city. And even though her bus stop is just less than a city block away, we don't have a clear veiw of her, since there is a building in our line of sight.
I tried to explain to her that it is a busy corner and that we don't want some one to try to take her. Her response is that she's a big girl and can defend herself.(I make sure my girls can protect themselves. they are both very independant).

My question is what would you do? How would you handle this situation? I don't want anything to happen to her. It doesn't need to be said what really could happen <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" /> . I don't want to be one of those parents that you see on the news, begging some scum-bag to return my child :(
Or is seven an o.k. age to let them wait alone?

<small>[ 10-10-2002, 01:24 PM: Message edited by: Mortal Knight ]</small>

[Dinosaur]

Although a simple no should suffice, I do understand your dilemma. I have a 9yr old and I've gone through similar problems.

I think the best solution would be to allow her to make the decision. Tell her that it's important for mom and dad to see her get on the bus and that you both recognize that she's a big girl. Ask her how this problem can be resolved so that you'll all be happy. Agree to abide by her decision.

She may suggest that one of you stand in a position where she can be seen but not appear to be accompanied by a parent. It's possible that she may just think on the matter for awhile until she forgets about the issue, Halloween and Christmas are sure to interfere with her rationalizing abilities for the time being.

<small>[ 10-10-2002, 01:27 PM: Message edited by: Dinosaur ]</small>

[156]

I think you should keep doing exactly what you're doing. She's only 7 years old.....far too young to be making decisions about what's right or wrong for her. It's a very dangerous society we live in, complete with kidnappers, pedophiles, and killers. I know she thinks she's a big girl now, but keep protecting her so she'll indeed live to be a big girl!

[OfcMikey]

You are doing the right thing by walking her.
She will just have to get over it and accept that her parents are going to walk her to and fro.

[Jim Burnes]

Come On, Knight! Your daughter is 7, you know clearly the dangers...just tell her no. And keep walking her to and from.

There is no problem to solve.

Jim Burnes

[InSane1]

Some of you aren't going to like this, but OH WELL.

OMG how embarrassing! (for your poor baby) She's getting to that age yanno. I think you as a parent need to realize they get older. Obviously child abduction rarely happens stranger to stranger. I have done a paper on this subject. BUT, I also know the city is a scarey thing. Here's the deal.

If you want to try something that keeps you both in contact, get those 14 channel radios, fix it on a channel, and this way you have at least voice contact with her. Tell her she can turn it off when she gets on the bus. I use these radios all the time. if Im in a big mall or at a fair or if the kids just ran down to the neighbors house. This way I have some sort of contact with them. I love it. They are only 50 bucks for two. you can even get cheaper ones. It gives me a lot of peace of mind.

[Tprspouse]

My daughter is 8 and if I were in your situation I would over-ride my daughter. My daughter could give me dirty looks or complain until she was blue in the face, I'd rather her be upset at me than hit by a car or kidnapped or God knows what else.

The world we live in today is not the same world of yesterday.

Just my .02 :)

[MK219]

Thanks guys just wondering. We decided to compromise. my wife waits across the street.

[Popeye]

If the 7 year old child doesn't like to walk with Mom to the bus stop then TOUGH CRAP. You are the parents, she is the CHILD. I'd prefer for my child to be sitting in our house mad at me or Mom for "embarrassing" her than trying to figure out on the 6 o'clock news where we went wrong as parents after (fill in tragedy here) happened. My god, the kid is 7. Walk the kid to the freakin' bus stop.

<small>[ 10-10-2002, 10:06 PM: Message edited by: Popeye ]</small>

[MK219]

If I had my way I'd drop her off at the door of the school, but I have to be at work so this is not possible. I also only have her every other week. the weeks i don't her mom drops her off.
I am the parent, but I also like to give her a say in SOME matters, but not all. Either way dad(me)has the final say on all decisions. The reason i ask is I wasn't sure if I was the only parent who felt like this. My wife says she is the only parent at the bus stop with 8 other elementy age kids <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" /> . Obviously none of their parents feel the way most of us do, or they just don't care. Untill she is in jr. high she will always have my wife or I there, if not next to her, directly across the street. Or even a few yards away.
This all came about(I found out this afternoon), because her mom lets her play outside by her self( they live in a development type area,[upscale projects :mad: ]) Yes her mom and i talked about it. But I cannot force her to obey my wishes :rolleyes: only get her to understand my point of veiw.

[InSane1]

Great Idea MK! This year was the first year that my kids had to walk a block to get to their bustop. My kids are 8 & 10, so I guess they are a bit older.

What I always like to do when it comes to anything with my kids is ... I try to remember the things that I thought and felt at their age, and I incorperate a lot of parenting with that. I'm by no means saying that parentification has come over my childen, but I love giving them options and choices so they feel the responsibility. It's really worked well, and they are more responsible than I remember being.

You will probably realize when its time to give them more space. It is on a cases by case... :)

[InSane1]

ahhh DID I JUST READ JUNIOR HIGH? You're joking... RIGHT?

[shorty]

Mortal, one reason that you are the only parents at the bus stop is that you KNOW what is out there. You know about rapists, murderers, kidnapping, etc. Other parents always think that it will never happen to their children. They are usually the ones that become victims.
I don't think you are being overprotective at all. Always go with your gut feeling and you had a doubt about letting her go alone or you would have never posted this here. Remember, it's better to be safe... than be a victim (my own version) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> .

[InSane1]

okay... dont get me wrong.. I love you all to death but... COPS ARE KNOWN PARANOIDS!!!

statistically the odds of your child being abducted by a stranger are MINIMAL compared to thm being abducted by a family member or friend.

Don't go into the paranoia mode too early. Not everyone is out to get you or your entire family. Quite honestly the thought that other parents just don't care isn't the case at all.

Look at the facts. Your daughter is there with over half a dozen other children. Plus, your (ex)wife has probably been seen by the other parents to boot. That's probably why they don't go out there. They figure, how many people need to be there?

Power in numbers, she will be fine!

[shorty]

Insane, you're right. You hit it on the head about being paranoid, but I think it comes with the job. You know, working in corrections for so long, I saw an awful lot of people that had done some terrible things and I guess that will always be a part of me that I can not shake. It sucks, it really does. I wish that I didn't suspect everyone that I see as a possible BG, but I do. And, I really don't know how to change and still be comfortable with my decisions. How sad is this, when we have my 12 yo step daughter and we go to Wal-Mart, she has to stay with us, she is not allowed to roam about to wherever she pleases. We tell her if there is something that you want to look at, we'll all go look at it. That's sad huh?

[InSane1]

at 12 years old??? ahh, YEAH! Gosh, I remember 12 years old, and I remember taking the City bus over to my friends house... ALONE! If my kids lived in the City, I would allow them to do it as well.

Maybe im too liberal? I think that I am a pretty good mom, I teach my kids right and wrong, and I welcome whatever challenge they might have in store for me. But if I over protect them I'm afraid of rebellion.

You might actually ****e your pants on this but, when I go to the local department store, I allow My little girl to check out the kid isle (she is 10 years old), but we always have a game plan of where we will be.

I have litterally practiced (role played) with my kids what they would and should do if approached by strangers. I have tested them, and asked others to test them without their knowledge.

I allow them to ride their bikes, but again, I maintain my contact with the 14 chanel 2 way radios. Im more secure knowing that I have contact with them. And honestly those things do reach up to a 1.5-2 mi. radius. I have tested it!

Some days I have to sleep in the day and the rule is, if they leave the house to go play, they need ask me first and need to turn on my radio and thiers and hit the call button to make sure both are working before they leave the house.

[shorty]

Insane, the one thing that I keep wondering is, how much the world has changed since you were a child (I am not sure of your age). I mean, my mom did lots of things when she was a kid that I couldn't even do when I was a child. I realize that every generation thinks that the one after them are doomed because it seems to just be getting worse and in reality, I think it does.
And I don't think that either one of us are bad parents, we just have different parenting techniques. Who knows who is right, who knows who is wrong. I think that every child is different and have to be raised that way. Unfortunatly, there isn't a fool proof guide for parenting. :D

[InSane1]

I am 30 YOA. ANd I understand that, but even when I was a child, things were different. I agree, we all have different parenting styles. I for one never allowed toy guns in the house.. and to this day my kids respect that! They will not play with them at their friends houses unless they ask me, which is something I never thought they would do. I figured they would just do it and not tell me, but they ask, which is odd.

Each of us know our kids, and if we think they are capable of certain things, we allow it, just like we dont allow them to do things we feel they arent ready for.

This day and age.. hmmmm... when will it stop? or Change? I think that the whole "living in fear" thing has to have limits... the good ol saying.. Change is inevitable. Thats why we teach our children diffrent things than what our parents taught us.

I have to admit, I'm no perfect mom. I'm notorious for swearing in front of my kids... usually "*****" or "Damn".. or my favorite.. "B*st*rd". Some people would think I'm nuts, but its not like they are going to NOT ever hear it. ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />

Again, I think I'm pretty Liberal. I guess Im a bit diffrent.. As you can tell, I really stopped caring about what everyone else thought and kept true to myself in certain things...

I find total respect for those people who can go against the grain and feel good about their decisions.

I almost think Im getting off topic, but having said all that, I completely agree with you shooter, in the respect that things have changed.

:)

[txinvestigator1]

InSane1, You are inviting trouble.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If the 7 year old child doesn't like to walk with Mom to the bus stop then TOUGH CRAP. You are the parents, she is the CHILD. I'd prefer for my child to be sitting in our house mad at me or Mom for "embarrassing" her than trying to figure out on the 6 o'clock news where we went wrong as parents after (fill in tragedy here) happened. My god, the kid is 7. Walk the kid to the freakin' bus stop.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Boy, this is the best advice I have seen. Remember, your JOB is to raise her, protect her, educate her and make a productive, honest, moral, member of society. It is NOT to make her HAPPY, be her friend (although with proper parenting this is easy) appease her or keep her from being embarrassed.

It is OK to allow her to make SOME decisions on her own, but not those that affect her welfare, safety or health. If left to her own devices, she would probably choose to eat candy, sweets, and junk at every meal. Do you allow that? Of course not.

It is good to give her decision making abilty now. It developes that early, but you choose two or three decisions that are acceptable TO YOU, and she chooses one of those.

Mortal Knight you said, "I make sure my girls can protect themselves. they are both very independant)."

Guess what, I could easily grab your eight year old and drag her into my car and drive off with her, and there is not a thing she could do about it. How did it feel to read that? Imagine how you would feel if it really happened.

Insane1, So you give the kids a radio, check it before they leave, then call them on it. They don't answer. Can the radio tell you where they are? Call the police? Defend them?

[InSane1]

:rolleyes:

Lordy... I give up.. heh.. Disregard.

[SpecOpsWarrior]

"I for one never allowed toy guns in the house.. and to this day my kids respect that!"

Whats wrong with toy guns??????

Toy guns dont kill people, people kill people!

<small>[ 10-11-2002, 05:01 PM: Message edited by: SpecOpsWarrior ]</small>

[Quiet1]

I know, I know. Not on the original subject, but have to say something here.

My son and nephew, now 17 and 18, were brought up very differently with respect to guns. Nephew - no toy guns or "violent" toys of any type allowed. Real guns were in the house. He was never taken to a hunter/gun safety course. To this day, he is quite obviously unaccustomed to firearm safety and I would not feel comfortable going to a range with him.

My son - no restrictions on toys. BB gun at 12 years old, after gun safety course. Deer hunting at 12. Target shooting throughout. Bow hunting/target practice. Real guns in the house (at his dad's). At 14, I observed him ask an adult who he was shooting with if he was sure his weapon was empty and then proceeded to show him that in fact it was not. He was paying attention. I believe my son knows how to handle a weapon safely and better yet, is comfortable making sure those around him are doing it properly as well.

Better to educate and reinforce the issue than to pick up the pieces of a shattered life. You can't keep 'em in a bubble...some things should be learned before you're an adult.

[MK219]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by txinvestigator1:
<strong>

Mortal Knight you said, "I make sure my girls can protect themselves. they are both very independant)."

Guess what, I could easily grab your eight year old and drag her into my car and drive off with her, and there is not a thing she could do about it. How did it feel to read that? Imagine how you would feel if it really happened.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah I know that can happen that's one of my fears. That is why she is not going to the stop unsupervised. I am very very protective of my girls. Even when we go shopping they stay in the cart. I know whats out there! It scares me. I also hate it when parents let their kids run around the store unattended. I see 5year old running around and mom could care less :mad:
every one has a diffferent parenting style. everyone lives in a different enviroment.
Luckily today my daughter came to her senses. She told my wife she got lonely yesterday not having her right by her side.(My wife was a few feet away.) It kind of like Dino. said she'll eventually forget the whole issue. I do a great job raising my kids :) . I am far from perfect but I try all the same.

[InSane1]

awww thats cute MK.... Gotta love kids...

and FYI.. my kids dont live in a bubble...my son doesn't have an interest in guns.. when he did, I went over gun safety with him. He's aware of the gun safety rules with him. Assume every gun is loaded, never point at anything you don't intend to shoot...hand off the trigger until you know your target....etc.

My son is into motocross racing... he has been riding since he was four (he's 8 now), he has all the gear and rides a 50cc chain, King Cobra. Think I aint scared when he is flying at 50 mph?

[Quiet1]

Insane, I didn't mean to imply that your kids live in a bubble. Just from reading your posts in this thread, I'm sure you're kids are well rounded, and that's a good thing. :)

Just seeing that line about toy guns made me think of my own situation and how very different these 2 kids are. But who knows...even if the nephew was taught properly, it doesn't mean he'd choose to use the knowledge. :rolleyes:

[InSane1]

Yikes, I just noticed how defensive that sounded.. heh.. I'm a boaster when it comes to my kids... then again... what parent isn't? Sorry it sounded sharp. :)

[MK219]

My 7 year old step-father taught her gun safty(his father is a sgt in the local pd)
I teach them sword safety. I have to, i have them all over my bedroom. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />

[Quiet1]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Mortal Knight:
<strong> i have them all over my bedroom. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Swords in the bedroom? Interesting choice of location for them... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

Insane, you weren't being defensive. :) Just wanted you to know I wasn't directing that at anyone in particular.

[InSane1]

Yeah for real.. why yer bedroom?? display them in a room that everyone can see.... unless... everyone see's your bedroom... DOH! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />

heh JK

[MK219]

I have a few small one on the living room wall. afew pewter ones ina case in the living room. I prefer to keep the big sharp ones out of the reach o little hands. They are mounted high one the wall. ( I've got 15' high walls) It actually looks like a museum in there(bedroom) plus my book case of sword related books, LE realted books, and theology books.

I had to put my castle LEGOS away to make room for all the LE related toys my faimly is buying me. NO I WONT GROW UP YOU CAN'T MAKE ME :p

[txinvestigator1]

MK, not at all insutling your parenting skills or love of your kids. I just wanted to make you tighten up a little.

BTW. Did you get that web site fixed?

[MK219]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by txinvestigator1:
<strong>MK, not at all insutling your parenting skills or love of your kids. I just wanted to make you tighten up a little.

BTW. Did you get that web site fixed?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I didn't take it as an insult, just good advice.
And could you refresh my memory. What web site?

[Jilly]

Mortal Knight,
I am new to this site but I do have 10 and 8 year old daughters and 6 year old twin boys so I do understand some of the parenting dilemas that befall us.
As for your daughter, walk her to school, there is nothing like peace of mind. As a police officer you would surely know the heartache parents who have had their child go missing have to endure. By the time you realise your child hasnt come home from school hours have passed and they could be anywhere. I understand the need to let them be independant but their safety is much more important. My mother walked me and my 2 sisters to school up until our first day of high school! and while it was embarrasing at times I have come to cherish the memories of the time spent with her. Hope this helps. :)

[huff317]

My daughter is 7-going-on-17....sound familiar?
She has to deal with also, AND deal with hugs and kisses...in public, near FRIENDS! So does her little sister, and three older brothers....so far, and the oldest is 11, there have been no complaints. I figure being 6', 225, and in BDU's half the time, I need to start making an imprint on the "young men's" minds as to who she reports to and is protected by-just for reference, of course. Then again, having seen her right hook and arm-lock during the family "fight" night (read: defensive tactics training) I for one would not mess with her...as for the guns? Well, let's just say that two of the boys are showing promise as marksmen, and I'm taking the girl with me to the lease in about two weeks..... :D :D