abused

[Blonde Heat]

Well, i never thought i would be the victim of domestic violence but i am now part of a huge growing problem in this world. I left my husband and apparently he was extremely ****ed. And he followed me to work and beat the **** out of me in the parking lot across the street from my job. Needless to say i look a mess and he will be arrested tonight. 16 years and never laid a hand on me and out of the blue beat the tar out of me. I was so stunned i didn't even fight back. I was so humuliated at the hospital having to explain to the officer that my husband who is normally not even remotely violent turned a new leaf. My poor son was in the car with him when it happened and seen the whole thing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="frown.gif" />

[InSane1]

FTR, take your son and run far, fast. What a BASTARD. Get a restraining order. Dont even give it a second thought. He wanted to hurt you as much as he "thinks" you hurt him by leaving. Screw that! You dont need that bull, I will honestly say a prayer for you right now after this post.

Grrr. I'm so ****ed off at this. Grrr... I personally think your husband is a c**ksucker!

grrrrr... :mad:

[Blonde Heat]

After spending 3 hours in the hospital getting sewed up. I was taken to the police station and got that restraining order. When the officer was fixing to take the statement. I was so worried about losing my soon to be career as an officer i actually refused to press charges. He calmly explained it will not happen since i was on the receiving end of the butt whoopin. And so we started talking and he spent 20 minutes trying to get me to go to work his department as an officer. He was very nice and even gave me his business card with a wealth of information on the back right down to the link to get hired ahead of other cadets. Then finally took the police report. He seem real ****ed upon looking at my face and jaw. He elaborated on the report and turned a 3 sentence statement into a 2 page report for the judges benefit. :) He even express processed things faster then normal. All my paperwork and order of protection, plus visit with the judge was total 30 minutes. I think i made a new friend. :) He definatly made my horrible experience alot better.

[Piper]

ftr,

I'm, so sorry this has happened. Please take care of your self.

One thing I can't stress enough... DOCUMENT everything!!!!!

[GRACE]

ftrphxcop,

I TOTALLY agree with Insane1's comments. Those types of people RARELY change if EVER. They are dangerous, unpredictable, and controlling.

PLEASE stay safe and try to avoid him unless it is absolutely necessary. If you have to make contact with him ALWAYS have a friend there for moral support and to kick his butt should he try anything more!

While I personally have never been abused I spent 19 years watching it happen to my mother and as a child it is an awful thing to have to witness.

SO.......keep yourself and your son safe. Leave the area and go to a "safe place". You sound like you have the toughness to get out of this but you also show reluctancy for OBVIOUS reasons.

Good Luck to you and stay strong. It is hard leaving but it will be even harder staying!

Hope this comes out the right way and doesn't sound like a lecture <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> ! I would hate for you to become one of the statistics that we can NO LONGER assist!

<small>[ 09-08-2002, 01:00 AM: Message edited by: GRACE ]</small>

[wonderwoman]

Wow! This is quite shocking ftr. Please keep us updated so that we know you are okay!

So sorry to hear about this. Take care of yourself and if he gets released you might want to hook yourself up to the "buddy" system for awhile! Don't go anywhere alone.

[Fastie]

OHMYGOD !!! I can't believe it... nobody deserves that. What a monster. I'm so glad you're having him arrested. I hope your son is OK too, I can't imagine him watching the whole thing. I understand how shocked you must have been. I hope being arrested will open his eyes and he'll stay away... if not or if you don't think he will, I suggest getting some protection. If this is an example of his first attack, I'd be afraid of what he might do next. Are there really people like this in the world? Seemingly nice and then they just crack and do something like this... I thought there would be signs of this sort of personality... sounds like it was a complete surprise.

[SGT Dave]

ftr,

I commented on this in the other thread, but:

*Follow thru with charges-it's the correct thing to do, and I can NOT see it hurting your chances as an officer, at least with any agecny worth working for in the first place

*Don't give him another chance to do this-follow thru with Restraining Order and DO NOT let him schmoooooze back in BECAUSE HE WILL TRY! He is ****ed and he is seeing that, all of the sudden, he IS NOT in charge, and it's killing him. I am a man, and I hope nobody tells my wife to leave me if we have a fight, but I HAVE NEVER touched her in that way-THAT is the difference here.

You are not "wrong" or being "unreasonable" to want a real career at this stage in your life. Without going too far, you have told us about your background, and you have been trapped since an early age, pretty much with him and because of him. Now that don't entitle him to be a dictator over you-he does not OWN you. If he had misgivings about it, then that was one thing that you both could have addressed, and I wouldn't have thought less of him, HOW-the-f***-EVER, he has shown us and YOU what kind of person he is, and YOU CAN DO MUUUUUUUUCH better.

Stay safe, and stay focused on what is right for YOU.

Do not let him schmoooooze you and do NOT let him use the kids as leverage against you-mark my North Carolina words, he will try both of these next.

(Mark my words...) :D

[Mike Tx]

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you can recover and get on with life. I'd say to follow SGT Dave's advice, and, as always, protect yourself, using whatever force needed. Just remember court orders and stuff don't come with force fields. Stay safe.

[Mitzi]

I jut hope you are ok physically, honey. Early in our marriage, we had problems. Not like yours totally. MY H is a big man and I am a small woman. He got mad and shoved me and I fell and hit my had on a piece of furniture, resulting in black eyes. We were in counseling the next day. I'm not saying counseling is for you. If he had hurt me as badly as yours has hurt you, I would not be interested in counseling.
We had a good counselor who gave my H a good dressing down and he sat there and took it. He knew he deserved it. She pointed out our size differences and told him he was very lucky I hadn't been hurt much worse. I could never have shoved him back...it would like having shoved an elephant.
She pointed out I had every right to press charges and she told me, if he did this again, I was crazy not to.
We were lucky. This scared my H. He's never abused me again. This was 31 years ago.
I sense your H is angry because he can't control you and that's scary. Like Mike said, these orders of protetion do not come with force fields. Protect yourself. He isn't through. He will do what Sgt. Dave said.
I hope you took pics of your injuries so they can possibly be use in the divorce.

<small>[ 09-08-2002, 05:09 PM: Message edited by: Mitzi ]</small>

[156]

You've gotten some good advice here; please heed it. I'm really sorry this happened to you. Thank God you weren't permanently injured. If a man hits you once, he WILL hit you again unless he gets some help for himself. Please protect yourself and follow through with the legal procedures. {{{HUGS}}}

[Don]

:mad: This makes me arm busting, kneecap breaking, face smashing, mad. This SOB has shown you for months now that he doesn't deserve you, and now this.

D A M N that SOB to hell.

Ftr, you follow Dave's advice. Or if you want, I'll come down and break that SOB up for you. :mad:

[Wonga]

FTR, I'd love to discuss this "mano a mano"with this "person".You need to nail his *** to the wall :mad: You can't let him away with this kind of behaviour and esp. not let your son think that this is the norm,or even OK.

As far as your application goes, the fact that you've pressed charges will says tons more for your moral fibre than letting him away with it.

Look after yourself and DO NOT let this bloke turn you into a victim,take care, W.

<small>[ 09-09-2002, 12:38 AM: Message edited by: wonga ]</small>

[klar]

A lot of good advise on here FTR. ALl I can say from experiancing the after effects is SGT Dave is right and he will come back trying to get back into good with you. Lije the others in here have stated. DO NOT let him back in your life you deserve much better than that. I hope you take all the advise people have given you and use it to better yourself and to protect yourself. Good luck and best wishes and remember we are all here for you.

Klar

[JKT]

Ftr, take Sgt Dave's advice. Then call Don, and we can have a little rally for support.

You don't deserve to be treated like that, and should prosecute to the full extent of the law.

You are in our thoughts and prayers.

[Summer Rain]

Ftr: I definitely didn't expect to read this when I opened the post. Dave has certainly given you excellent advice. There is no way I could imagine this having any impact on your career as an officer, on the contrary, this is going to make you an asset to other women that you are going to come in contact with in your line of work. However, that's in the furture, for now please stay safe and Wonderwoman's suggestion of using the "buddy system" is something you should consider. Stay strong and remember you are doing the right thing by prosecuting, he has got to be punished for doing this. I don't know how old your son is, but remember that he probably needs someone to talk to as much as you. I'll be sure to lift you and your son in prayer.

[Blonde Heat]

Well, I am doing better and the bruises are going away. The scar of it will remain forever i'm afraid. I still am having a hard time believing he just flipped out like that. I can say i am missing my kids like crazy. But have refused to make contact until the bruises go away completely. I just don't want to put that kind of pressure on them to choose sides. I am breathing a little easier today and all of the sudden i look up and his mom and sister is at my job. I was shocked to say the least and i of course seen thru the whole concerned looks to why they were really there. They just had nose trouble and wanted to see if i was overreacting to the beating. I hope they were satisfied because it would give me great pleasure to now know he will hear how hard he hit me. And give me even greater pleasure to know he gets to sit in a jail cell like the piece of scum he is. I, in no way am ever returning to him. I heard a song on the country radio station the other day and it fit my life perfectly. I'm Movin On. By Rascal Flatts. I almost started to cry again. At least my Academy director and Instructor are awesome towards me. All i have to do is just show up for the first day of class. No reregistering or orientations again. Sometimes when life completely sucks, something nice happens to make you feel better. I worked with the bruises on my face and my coworker was so nice, He said, "I know you feel like you just want to disappear but i'm proud of you coming to work and being brave even with your face all messed up. And i think regardless of the black eye and bruises, you are still beautiful." :)

[klar]

Glad to hear that your doing better and that your not going back to him. I am also happy that you can jump right back into the academy the next time it opens up. I hope that this time you stick with it for we all know you will make a fine officer.

Klar

[Blonde Heat]

Thanks Klar, No chance in hell i'm quitting. I worked to hard and to long to even get there.

[Piper]

I'm happy to hear that you are feeling better. Stay strong. Remember you have folks here at o.com rooting for you.

*hugs* :)

[klar]

Oh by the way I like your new name there FTR/blonde heat

Klar

[Fastie]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ftrphxcop:
<strong>I can say i am missing my kids like crazy. But have refused to make contact until the bruises go away completely. I just don't want to put that kind of pressure on them to choose sides. I am breathing a little easier today and all of the sudden i look up and his mom and sister is at my job. I was shocked to say the least and i of course seen thru the whole concerned looks to why they were really there. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm certainly no expert, but even if he is their father, I wouldn't want my kids around someone who could flip out like that, I'd rather have them be hurt by not seeing him then hurt by having him beat the cr@p out of them too. You never know. Also, the whole mother-in-law/ sister thing sucks, can't you get an RO on them too? When he can't get to you, he'll be sending them to do his bidding... :mad: