Tears are flowing

[Mitzi]

Our son has foud a place about a mile away from us. He will move in next weekend. He is SO happy. We are helping him get stuff together but I periodicaly have to go outside for a walk...and tears. I'm so worried about him.
So many of you kow how hard it is when they leave anyway. But I have one who is sick and this really is tearing my heart out. It's wonderful to see him so happy. I tease him and ask which bedroom in his 2 bedroom apartment is mine and he just smiles.
He has not been easy to raise. He's has always wanted a normal life and there's been so many times we and his drs felt mean holding him back because it just wasn't safe for him or others to allow him a normal life.
But, he goes with his Mother's prayers...and tears! lol He put his arm around me tonight and said, "Mom, I'm going to be just fine." I told him to just keep packing and not make me cry.
This HAS to be done. No longr can he stay here and no longer does he want to. We were all begining to almost hate each other, the stres was getting so bad.
But this is so hard. But, I'm allowed to show SOME emotion, right? Just not around him.
So, I'm trying, Don. But, the day he moves, it might be a good idea if you or one of the others comes and handcuffs me to something til I get used to it. lol
Someone say something to make me laugh so I can see through these tears!

[CinaC]

A 2-bedroom? Does he have a roomate?

I have a nice studio apartment ... maybe 350 square feet. It's nice. Wish I had room for a bar and a pool table tho. It's very cramped, as you might imagine.

[Jim Burnes]

I'll tell you something, Mitzi: And it's not pleasent.

My wife and I have 3 kids but we had to adopt my wifes little sister, so as to get her out of an extremely abusive family problem. She came to us when she was just 13 and she was a tough girl to love. But she was my daughter to raise, even if she really was adopted.

Because I knew what she had lived through in those backwoods of Indiania, I kept her too close to me. She became spoiled, and when she was 20 y/o and was going to find her own place to live, I fought it. She fought back. I did not want to understand that she was an adult, she was a good girl and didn't want to leave my home; she was not turning her back on us. But in the back of my mind that's what I thought she was doing. Who would be there to guard her?

She didn't need guarding anymore. In fact, she was 100 % different from the 13 year old abused child; she had become a young lady and was mature and steady.

It took years for she and I to reconcile, but it was me that needed to clear my head. She was ready to reconcile from the first day, she did not want the anger from me.

Let David go. It's just another step for him in life and for you too. Every parent has to face it.

Trust me, you will still be seeing your son, in the laundry room, at the table and in front of the fridge with the door open :D


Jim Burnes

[Mitzi]

The problem is this, Jim.....I have come home to find my son passed out because of a new exprimental drug. Once, we found him pased out between the cars when he had gone to get the mail down the garage way. Another time, I came home to find him with his head in the sink, bleeding profusely from a cut he received when he fell when he had a seizure.
This isn't just letting go, it's sheer terror for me. But, he has his medical bracelet on. And I can only hope and pray he will have nice neighbors that will think to read that bracelet if they find him passed out.
I have have read of people with epilepsy that have been robbed while having a siezure. When he was playing flag football, he had a seizure and stopped running and talking gibberish. Members from the other team had to be held back because they thought he was "talking" trash to them. They felt terrible when his teammates told them what was wrong as they led him to the sidelines to rest. Letting go is NOT the problem here.....Fear for him and his life is.
But, I have noticed he has a lot of fiends who look out for him. One even told me he would check on him several times a day which relieved me. I didn't ask him to but I know if I call him more then once a day, he will feel like I'm treating him like a baby.
This is really hard on me. Mye health is suffering badly from the stress and the worry, sleepless nights....but I know I have to do it.
I can only trust in God that he will watch over him. I know he will keep him safe. But I'm still allowed to cry when my son can't see me.
:p

[klar]

Mitzi you can cry in front of him if you sant to heck your child is fanally leaving the nest. It is a sad occasion for you but a happy occassion for him. He might say something like "mom do not be sad" or even roll his eyes at you. Either way he will enjoy more of his freedoms and you will start to get used to the fact that he is finally out of the house. I know it is not easy and that he has had problems in the past. I still say this move is for the good of all of your health and I hope that he can make a good go of it and that you can now concentrate on your own health issues so that you do not get any worse. This way we are assured of long times of bugging you that is yet to come LOL

Klar

[Jim Burnes]

Originally posted by klar:
<STRONG>Mitzi you can cry in front of him if you sant to heck your child is fanally leaving the nest.
Klar</STRONG>


Klar & Mitzi,

No, don't cry in front of your son right now. Professional Moms save tears for those heavy guilt trips that an absent son needs :D

Hey, it works for my sisters, my daughters and my wife in dealing with grown children.

Jim Burnes

[Mitzi]

Thanks for your kind words, Klar. But I will not cry in front of my son. Like, Jim said, he would probably perceive it either as a guilt trip or it would make him feel worse.
He's so happy. I know it can't have been easy to tell people he still lived with his parents.
My "baby" (can't let him se that either), will soon realize his dream of having hiw own life. I can only send him out into this scary world with my love abd blessings and tears I can not let him see.
I know God will keep him safe.

[ 07-22-2002: Message edited by: Mitzi ]

[Snoopy1]

Mitzi, be glad he is only a mile away. If he needs you, it won't take long to get there.

You can even visit him now and then just to check up on him. But don't do it too often or he will get suspicious. Once or twice a day should be enough. :D

[Mitzi]

This will be hard. The new meds are making him pretty sick.
I had a FORMER friend say to me, "Well, He had a choice between moving or getting away from his domineering mother....He made the right choice." I told her she could....Well, nevermind. :)
My son has held down a responsible job now for 5 years despite his problems. Her's is 30 and thinks being a professional college student is supposed to impress everyone.
It's hard enough doing this but I am anything but a domineering other. I'm a concerend one. If I were domineering, he would not be getting his own place.
She's the type of person that could never deal with what we are going through. God only gives kids with problems to those that can handle it. So, she can stick it in her ear for all I care.

[Branden Whitney]

It is the right thing to do for the both of you. Granted, it is very hard, and painful, but at least you have the memories of him being in the house. Not to mention him coming over three times a week. :) But the point is, it is the best thing to do for him, you, and your husband.

I know my mother hates the idea of me leaving the house, I most likely wont (which could ruin any kind of date I ever get :D). So I can only imagine what it is like for you. But just keep your faith in God, though you wont always be there for him, he will be. :)

but I am anything but a domineering

This sounds like she doesnt have any children, and until she goes through the same, tell her to keep her mouth shut or say something nice.

So, she can stick it in her ear for all I care.

At least that is better than the other entrance. ;) :D :eek:

God only gives kids with problems to those that can handle it.

In my opinion, you did very well at handling it. :)