What do your kids mean to you?

[Mitzi]

Strange question, I know, but I'd like the parents on the board to think and answer it.
You know, we, of course, are responsible for our kids being on this earth.
We just got back from the Mayo. It was a somber trip home as we learned that my son brain damage is slowly progressing and that they can't seem to stop it.
When we got in the house, the dogs, of course, went crazy. We had been gone a whole hour. But, I looked at my son as he was playing and wrestling with them and I remember think,"He means the world to me". And in meaning the world to me, I have to do what we all dread but have to do. I have to let go. And I have to let go of an adult child who is sick.
I got tearful and went in and called a friend and asked her, "HOW do I let him get his own place, live his own life (which he will be doing soon) when he's sick." And she said, "Because you know that, BECAUSE he means the world to you, you HAVE to give him coping skills. It's the greatest gift you can give him." And she was right.
My son has been my whole world for so long, longer then most parents would protect them because of his illness. But, because of my great love for him, I have to let him be the adult he is trying so hard to be, admid seizures, drs visits and 25 pills a day and not being able to drive.
SO, that's what he means to me....That I love him enough, I must let him fly with crippled wings. But at least he can fly.
I wish you could all meet him. He's a very, very special person.

[Snoopy1]

Your friend gave you some good advice but I'm not sure I could do it if I were in your place. I am the type that would probably keep on thinking of excuses to keep him with me as long as possible, but that isn't necessarily what's best for him. I am a bit on the over-protective side.

Letting go is tough under the best of circumstances. If nothing can be done to keep his condition from getting worse, will the time come when he will be unable to live alone? That thought has probably occurred to you already, but it is best for him to let him try to make it alone and worry about that problem if it happens. Once we are sure we know what is best, we must find the inner strength to do it no matter how much it hurts.

I wish I had some words of wisdom but that was never my stron point. I envy people who are able to put their feelings into words that make sense and hand out great advice, but that's just not me.

I sincerely wish the best for you and your family. I can't imagine what it has been like for you.

[Mitzi]

As long as he doesn't drive, David can live alone until the drs determine he can't. Between 25 pills a day and the fact he is maturing finally, he is at a place he WANTS to be on his own. But I think he will know eventually if he needs us again.
You ae right about Inner Strength. I know I come on this group and kid around and laugh and act like a nut. But the truth is, that's a facade. I cry a lot. I'm really angry. And if a person tells me that they are tired of listening about my son or seeing my tears, they are off my list FOREVER.
Inner strength is important. I must have it because this has been going on for 12 years. But there has been times I considered ending it all because the pain is so intense. When you have your child is so sick, it changes you forever. I'll never be the same.
The best I can do is one day at a time.

[InSane1]

A gift, innocence, hope, joy, genuine and unconditional love I get from only one other, God.

I tell them often

[jellybean40]

Insane, that's a very sweet post :D

i dont have kids, but that kind of gives me an idea of what it feels like lol.

[ 07-15-2002: Message edited by: jellybean40 ]

[Mitzi]

That's they way I feelm Insane. I had a very sad childhood and only God loved me unconditionally....until I had my son. All the hurt, the emotionala abuse, the verbal abuse I had had my whole life seemed to just wash awy when I saw him for the first time. Even now, when he smiles at me, I thank God for putting such a wonderul person in my life. I know that may sound maybe maudalin and dramatic but then, if you had know my life up until then, you would know what I mean.
Everytime he gave me his baby hugs, his little boy hugs and his young man hugs, it made life seem so much brighter. It always will.

[klar]

What do kids mean? I think they mean the world. There is nothing better to hear than the sweet laughter of your kids when you are goffing around with them. There is nothing that tears your heart as to see them hurt or in pain. I would go out of my way to see that kids are having fun and doing things that will help them grow into caring and good members of society. It does not matter if the kid is mine or not but that they are happy and enjoying life for the time they are in my care.

I know at times that you have to come down on a child but that is all in the best interests of the child. How can they learn or grow if they never see what they did as wrong? Sometimes it is not easy to punish a child especially if they took the time to think it through and find a loophole. Just likewise it is just as hard to see them leave the nest and spread their wings to either drop hard so that you can pick them back up or to soar with the rest and make a good life of their own to make you proud that you have done the best you could do and they are living free because of it.

Klar

[sandie]

I can describe what my kids mean to me in two words "my life" I would give up my life for them.
Mitzie, your a brave woman to have to go thru the things your going thru with your son. My son was very ill as a baby, and I almost lost him...twice. I never had belief in God until then. But when he was fighting for his life, I felt God. I felt some overwhelming feeling of safety and love, I couldnt ever explain what or why that feeling was or where it was coming from. All I knew is, I was a mess when he started to seiz and wouldnt stop after almost an hour non-stop. But, when my Dr told me I had to get myself together for my baby needed me and can hear me...I got this warm feeling remembered my fathers voice (he passed away a year prior) took a deep breath and sang to him while holding his hand. I knew then that no matter what would happen to him, he would be ok. If he died then, he would be my guardian angel, if he lived, he was a very strong soul with will to survive anything that came his way. Then just a mere 5 months later he became ill again, dehydrating, losing over 20% of his body weight, I remembered that feeling of warmth and I hung onto it. He again turned out fine, with no further complications. I learned then that sometimes ya gotta let go for them to move on. But if push came to shove, and I had to give my life up for them...I would do it without a moments thought.

[Urban Jedi]

My kids mean everything to me.

They are my motivation for existing. And they influence everything I do.

[shorty]

My son means the world to me!! I love him so much, I would gladly give my life to save his. He is just 19 months old but he is a sight! In the past couple of months he has really began to talk a lot and make sentences. One of my favorite things is I hug him and say "I got you"! Then he will hug me back and say "no no mommy, I got you"! He is the highlight of my life and I don't know how I lived before him. ;)

[Dinosaur]

When I worked in Sex Crimes, I often handled investigations involving kids. Their parents (defendants, and otherwise) always had a lot of questions. Inevitably they'd ask if I had any children of my own. Most times I'd reply honestly and say no. That answer seemed to lessen their confidence in me, as if my non-parental status rendered me unable to fully comprehend their cases. It used to bother me.

Now that I have a child of my own, a 9 yr old boy, I understand the reason for the question. There is a range of specific emotions and feelings that are unknown to people without kids. I once thought I could "put myself in someone else's shoes" and relate adequately to their situation. I now realize that no amount of carefully considered empathy or sympathy can serve as an approximation.

One of the more intense distinctions is the ability to instinctively relate to other parenting situations. I can't read or see an account of some tragic child related occurrence without imagining how I might cope under similar circumstances.

My kid means everything to me, in a way that I'd never have understood ten years ago.

[Mitzi]

I had a very sad life. But, dramatic as it sounds, the most joyous day of my life was when they handed me that swaddled up 8 lb bundle of baby. It was the first time I had ever know unconditional love from another human being. It's hard, when I think of him a this age, almost 26, to remember those chubby baby arms wrap around my neck saying, "I love you, Mommy" when he was a toddler.
Now, he's 26 and in bad health but going out into the world under our watchful eyes and the concern of his drs. But he HAS to learn to cope and he will.
But he will always mean the world to me.

[RCSO-7S05]

I'll tell you, my kids are my world along with my wife. When you come so close to losing a spouse or a child it really makes you put into perspective the "really important" things in life. My wife and I and our kids bought a house of our dreams a couple of years ago, we thought that was everything, then when I almost lost my wife and newborn son at birth three months ago, it really opens your eyes. My baby boy gets to come home next Wednesday after three and one half months on intensive care. to me and my wife, this is everything, the material things mean nothing, family(kids) mean everything. When you think you're having problems, take a look at your neighbor, he may just be worse off. Sorry for the lecture.

[Mitzi]

That's not a lecture, Rsco.. During both of my sons brain surgeries, I learned a lot about life. I learned he and my husband are the most important things in my life. I would look at my son, his head bound in bandages, in so much pain yet smiling when he saw me and I knew he was a true gift from God.
After his last surgery, I almost had a breakdown but there were always my husbands 2 strong hands there, holding me up when I knew he was going through hell too.
Life is about family, not material things.
I just read where Brad Pitt had a $500,000 bathtub built for his wife and you know what? I flet sorry for them....and I kept thinking how much that money could help those in life who need it.
I'm the richest woman in the world as long as I have my husband and son.
I'm so happy for you and your wife that your baby is finally coming home. Give him lots of hugs and kisses from me!

[ 07-26-2002: Message edited by: Mitzi ]