What a rough day

[Blonde Heat]

It was the worst. My mom has been sick and losing lunch all day only she never got to eat anything. I cant believe a human body can take so much torture. The lady across the hall from her is moments from death and i actually in a moment of silence begged God to come and get a 2 for 1 deal. I am tired of watching her suffer. I would never wish cancer on my worst enemy. She has not eaten and continues to vomit. Her pain just gets worse and worse. Its even worse to watch because her face is worn and ragged from the years of diabetes and her body looks like it belongs to a 30 year old. She has perfect skin and is so painfully thin now. I really dont know how much more i can take. Its a damn shame you can put your animals out of thier misery but not your loved ones when they are so obviously suffering. :( The social worker made me cry when she asked about the funeral arrangements and the chaplain returns often to see if i need anything. I wish they would just stay away.(crying) :(

[Jim Burnes]

This will be a time for prayer for your Mom. And a prayer for strength for you too.

Jim Burnes

[AutumnAngel]

Hi FTR,

I have never really spoken to you before but I felt compelled to write and give you my support. My grandmother died from lung cancer in 1997 and I can remember being there with her the day before she passed away. She was in a coma and I could just tell it was almost time for her to go. I sat there with her on her bed and held her hand for about 3 hours just telling her everything I ever wanted her to know and how she has inspired me so much in my life. Those are times I still think about today. Granted, my grandmother was about 82 when she passed away but it is still difficult to lose anyone you care about. I found that the best way for me to deal with grief was to help with the funeral arrangements -- I spent hours finding pictures of her and the family to put together a collage, I read a poem aloud on the day of the funeral -- I felt that I was giving her a special moment in her honor and letting others know how special she was.

I know that it is very difficult to have to face the reality of your mother's soon passing, but I truly believe that if you can seek comfort in God then you will find the strength and the warmth in his spirit.

[JKT]

ftrphxcop: As tough as it is on you, she knows you are there.

I know, from my own experience with my Father dying of complications of ALS, that it is extremely difficult to watch your loved ones deteriorate before your eyes.

(I read your other thread)

Rest assured that she would want to help as many people as she could with her donations.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, and your family.

[Phillygirl]

ftrphxcop,

I so understand your feelings. I felt them too when I kept the bedside vigil for my parents. There's nothing that makes you feel more helpless than watching your loved one suffer and not being able to make it better.

Do you have an emotional support network you can tap? Friends? Other family members? Co-workers? It sounds like you could really use a listening ear and some support right now.

And please don't neglect your own physical needs during these difficult times!

Keeping you in my thoughts,
Kate

[Joseph]

My prayers are with both you,her and your family. May God Bless all of you and ease her pain. :(

[Blonde Heat]

Thanks for all the support. (crying) Its almost time and i really dont think i can handle this. I cant stop crying. Her voice is gone and all she can do is faintly whisper. She is trying to tell me something but i just cant understand. (crying) I am sitting here with my sisters laptop she left for me to keep sane. She knows i love the internet and did not want me to sit here all night and cry. There is nothing i can do guys i just dont know what to do. I cant believe God is going to make me sit here and just watch her die and not let me do something to make her come back. (She is to young and its not fair) I just cant stop crying. this just sucks!!!!!!!!!!

[Jim Burnes]

Maybe one thing you can do (I've had to when I sat with my younger sister as she passed onward); It's time to just turn down the lights in that room, let the only light come in from the hall.

Put away that computer, and sit with your Mom now. Send her onward with your own peaceful thoughts, there is no one to blame or to judge the right time.

She always was a part of you, now she holds a part of your soul too. Release your Mother into Gods hands.

Jim Burnes

[Blonde Heat]

I already asked him 2 days ago to release her from the pain and take her but he took two others on the same floor and left her here to suffer. I can see she still hurts and they are giving her more morphine but it deems to wear off to fast and she suffers more. How many times must i pray before he listens. I cant believe she did something that horrible in life to deserve to be left here to suffer longer and longer.

[jellybean40]

I know what you're going thru, believe me.

When you feel you're ready, tell her she doesnt have to hold on for you any longer. that she can let go. we told my father that, and the next day he passed away. i have heard others say the same thing.

there is a time for everyone to die. nobody wants to lose their parent, or any loved one. make it a quiet time for you both and let her feel you there.

[JKT]

As Jill said, tell her (when you are able) that it's OK to move on, that you love her and you will miss her.

There is really nothing to make it easier on anyone.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Mitzi]

I have heard the same thing. I remember taking my gramdmothers hands and telling her it was ok to let go. I told her that we would all be ok and it was now time for her to rest and walk toward the light. If that sounds dramatic, I'm sorry, but that's what I said. It's just as hard for her as it is for you, honey. But try to think of her as out of pain finally.
My grandmother died that afternoon and, while my heart was devastated, I will never forget the look of peace on her face. She was finally out of pain and in a better place.
And when the chaplain comes in or the person asking about the funeral arrangements, ask them to PLEASE not come in until your mother has passed, that their prescence is adding to your pain. They will understand and if they don't, make them understand.
Many hugs to you.

[ 06-08-2002: Message edited by: Mitzi ]

[Blonde Heat]

Thanks Jim, I did exactly like you said and i believe she is moving on. I cried like crazy but she is at the shallow breathing stage now and the nurse said it it is a matter of hours now. I cant begin to thank all of you for the prayers and thoughts. I really dont have much support and its been a tremendous help to have good advice and prayers come my way. Thanks for everything.

[Mitzi]

Whe the time comes. honey. think of all of us with our arms around you, trying to take just a bit of pain for you. Your Mother will be free from pain and with the angels and with you all the time.

[klar]

ftrphxcop, I am not sure what all has transpired since the last post here and my return to the forum. I am hoping that your mother has passed away into a better place and you are getting everything back into order and getting on with your life. I wish you the best as you take up your burdens and hope that there is a person there to assist you in getting to where you wish to go. I am with everyone else in offering my support and shoulder if you wish it.

Klar

[TexReserve]

ftr,
As I sit here reading all of these posts with tears running down my cheeks, I wish I knew what to say to make it easier, but there is nothing any of us could say to you to make it easier. Like Mitzi said, just imagine all of us with our arms around you during your time of need, giving you a big hug and all of our support.

My prayers are with you and your mother. God bless.

Texreserve

[Piper]

Ftr,

You are in my thoughts and prayers...*hugs*

[Don]

Ftr,

PM :)

[Phillygirl]

ftrphxcop,

I hope your mother is easing into her future now. She has suffered a lot, but soon she'll find relief, love and unconditional acceptance. And she will always be a part of you as you go on with your life.

My thoughts and prayers are with you,

Kate


Kate

[Blonde Heat]

I cant even begin to show my gratitude and appreciation for all of your thoughts and prayers. My mom passed away yesterday morning around 4am. It hurts so bad to know that the person who brought me into the world is gone. And at such a young age.

After my stint in bed hating the world i found myself going to where she died just to make sure it was not a dream since my lack of sleep was so bad. But at last i find she is gone and i cant have her back no matter what.

Now i have to deal with the vultures. Even states away i am getting the what can i haves from the family members. Not only do i lose one of the most important people in the world to me i have everyone wanting her personal belongings that they probably already have one of thier own. So now i have turned into the grieving bitch who is probably going to be called greedy to boot. Because i told them until i can manage to get over it they will get not a damn thing. My moms sister actually had the nerve to ask for the picture of all 4 of my moms grankids standing around her hospital bed that she went and spent probably a dollar on the frame back. Straight up said "can i have something!" My mom and her havent even spoke until last week since my granfather died 7 years ago. :mad: Since the greedy witch took everything and gave nothing to the other 3 brothers and sisters. I dont mean little things either. Lots of land and money, my grandather had. Including stock in the Campbells soup company. So that was the reason for the fights amongst my family. My aunt had plenty of her own money on her own without my grandfathers stuff now she is beyond wealthy and knows her brothers and my mom could have used it more than she ever could. I sure hope it gets better... :(

[kateykakes]

ft,

I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[dkiefner]

God grant unto her eternal rest, and let light perpetual shine upon her.

FPC, I grieve for your loss. I pray that you find the strength to get you through this tough time.

Take care,

[klar]

FTPHXCP I am saddened by your loss but we all know that you are a strong person and will get through this. I know how you feel about the vultures and how some are real greedy. I had a relative steal a CD my grandmother had for all of us grandkids and use it for her own puroses. I will not even talk to her now. All I can say is grief and tell everyone to shut up and wait and you that you will deal with things after a time. Let them sit on thier hands till your ready to deal with them.

Klar

[207]

ftrphxcop, sorry to hear of your loss. Be strong, don't let the vultures drag you down. It sounds like their interests are only for themselves.

[Fastie]

Ftr,

I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. Take whatever time you need for yourself and don't worry about the vultures. It seems we all have them in our families, just let them circle until you're ready to deal with it. With everything going on in your life, you must be an incredibly strong woman and I'm sure your mom is very proud of you.

[ 06-17-2002: Message edited by: Fast 1 ]

[jellybean40]

Yes, i have been told that no matter how you think people are now, or what you think WILL happen, personalities will change and people will get greedy. my mother is giving us our special things now...not things with monetary value, but things with sentimental value.

I am sorry for your loss, and i hope you find peace in your memories.

[InSane1]

Hey FTR, wanted you to know that I was thinking of ya. Thats all. :)

[SpecOpsWarrior]

ftr, I'm very sorry about your mother, our prayers and thoughts will be with you.

[Piper]

Ftr,

I just saw this and wanted you to know that I was thinking of you. Remember to take all the time you need and practice self care.

Hugs,
Piper

[Mitzi]

I am so sorry for your loss, FTR. But know your Mother is in a better place. I have a friend that had a near death experience. She says she is no longer afraid of death. She said it felt peaceful and joyous. Your Mother's pain is gone and that's the best part.
As for the vultures, we all have them. My husband's brother called us to drive 5 hours to come help clean out his parents house after his Father died and his mother went into a nursing home.
I walked in and could not believe my eyes. Everything of any value, monetary or sentimental, was already gone. We knew who took it...His oldest brother, just like he took all the estate money. I felt so bad for my husband who said nothing. I just kept my big mouth shut but the looks I was giving him were not kind.
And you know what....my husband is having lunch with his brother when he flies to his town next week. It's the most ultimate in forgiveness I have ever seen. My husband has not one thing of his parents to remember them by. His brother took everything. Yet he has lunch with him. And I love my husband for this. I just am not at the forgiving stage right now. The money he took would have meant our share could have meant our son got better medical treatment at that time. So, I have a hard time with that.
But, life goes on. Ignore the requests. They should have waited month to have even tried nicely to ask you for something.
Revel in the memories of your wonderful mother and know that she is flying joyously, free from pain.