How to avoid isolation?

[Bill R]

My stepson is a police officer. I married his mother when he was already in the academy, so I can't take credit for raising him but I am very proud of what a fine young man he is. We have a very good relationship, share common interests and mutual trust. I am proud that he feels he can discuss feelings and experiences he has had on the job. Some of these experiences can be rather disturbing as I am sure y'all know and he doesn't always like to talk to his mother about them, to protect her from worry. When he graduated the academy, I gave him the "sage" advice about how important it would be for him to remember that the folks he would be dealing with at work do not represent average citizens. I also encouraged him to keep and cultivate friends outside of LE to help remind him that there are good folks out there too. Easily said, not so easily done. His friends that he grew up with mostly fall into two groups. Those that are or are becoming LEOs and those that were "uncomfortable" around cops. Pretty much all his new friends are cops. His cop friends are a great bunch of guys and I like them too. During my last ride-along with him he was telling me how dealing with the dregs of society was getting to him. For the most part, outside of family most of the non LEOs he meets are trash. Any suggestions on where he could meet decent young people that aren't into smoking dope etc. and aren't wierded out by police officers? Unfortunately his hours make church activities difficult.
Thanks,

[InSane1]

maybe he should join a Gym and meet some workout buddies. Thats what our officers tend to do.

[Fastie]

I guess one thing he can do is not tell people (non-cops) right away he's a cop. Once you get to know someone and like them you aren't as likely to be wierded out by their chosen profession.

[klar]

OK let me try this again as my last one seemed to go out into the nether lands never to be seen or heard from again.

I think over time that he will come to find people who will be friendly to him and who he can be friends with that are not officers or the low lifes that many officers have to deal with on a daily basis. I have found that nurses and emergency medical people make some nice friends. Also joining a health/fitness facility can be helpful at times too. As Fastie said do not come right out and say your a cop but let them get to know you first so that they see you and not the cop. When people asked me what I did I told them I worked for uncle sam. Even now I just tell people I work for the city. They can make thier own judgement from there.

Klar

[Bill R]

Thanks for the replies. His department provides a gym, so he would not be likely to pay for joining a gym. Does sound like a good suggestion though. Good idea about not mentioning his profession immediately and about other public safety/ medical folks also. I've invited him to visit my gun club as well when his shift changes. There are some people about his age there. Hopefully, the situation will improve with age. I know young people frequently have a thing about LEOs. I have to admit I was guilty when I was younger.

[Don]

Bill there are lots of things he can do, if he has the desire. Almost every community has many programs where volunteers are needed. He can find some type of interesting classes to take where he not only can make friends but can further his career.

You say that with his work schedule, church is kind of hard to manage, but I'm sure there are different functions, events and services scheduled at different times. Everything does not happen from "10 to 12" on Sunday morning.

You can give him some

[Mitzi]

My neice, who is a cop, joined a bicycle club. She is the only police officer there and said she is treated just like the rest of them.

[SF]

Also maybe he could hang with police reserves. Most of those people have normal jobs and are pro law enforcement. Also fire fighters and dispatchers. Just hitting a little more on what Klar had to say. I also was a mentor before I became a cop. That does wonder for your self esteem.

[Senior Constable]

I agree that a Police Officer must develope a life outside the job, but there is nothing wrong with staying within the brotherhood and being able to talk to fellow members who, "have been there and done that". This is particularly important for younger officers who are in need of assurrance and encouragement.

[djack16]

Im currently reading "Chief" by former Los Angelos Police Chief Daryl F. Gates. In the book he described that his officers and himself were becoming isolated in law enforcement because whenever he would talk to someone casually his profession would come up. They would complain about tickets and whatnot. Anyways, he said he worked hard to encourage the officers to keep they're friends outside the department because "...there are people out there that you need to know, and they need to know you". I'm not in law enforcement yet but I already hear these same things and think about the jobs that I will have and I can't help but be a little annoyed. My friends, however, are going to be my friends anyways however annoying they are :-p.

[Desmar]

hey djack annoying my but. :p But as far as I can say it would be good if he started riding with some friends. basically along the same lines as the workout buddies. But they need to keep work out of thier private lives and visa versa.

[sandie]

I agree with Fast_1 on this. This will allow both parties to get to know one another and to accept who they are as people, not for what they do. As embarassing as this is, if I was to meet someone, and they told me right off the bat they were a police officer, or lawyer, military personel or even a doctor, I would feel intimidated because they hold positions that required a certain type of demeanor and intelligance, one that far differed from mine. In fact I used to be a hairdresser specializing in childrens haircuts. And when I knew one of the parents were one of the listed above, I found myself being MORE detailed, MORE attentive and I went totally out of my way to make that child happy. Not because their child deserved better then others, but because they all intimidated me. Yes I admit it - they intimidated me :) I figured, IF I did all that, there was less chance of them talking to me. lolol *sad huh*

[sandie]

BTW...thats one reason why I like coming here, it helps me get over my intimidation. This site along with klar helps me get over my feelings.

[H8Criminals]

I'm in the Bay Area, and I know exactly what he's going through. When I lived back east, to meet someone, and tell them you were a cop wasn't bad. It didn't "scare" or "intimidate" people very much ... in fact, most in the area I lived thought it was a "cool" profession. Out here, however, I found out quickly that being in LE isn't a conversation starter. When I meet new people while out at the clubs, or at concerts, or riding bikes etc ... if career comes up, I'm in "public relations." Usually that satisfies the questions. I have a few friends here at my department, people I would go out of my way to assist, but most I just work with, then go home. Part of it is because I live so far from work, I don't have the energy after work to stay around and do stuff. I have met friends outside of the department, but strangely enough, they are mostly cops from other departments, or firefighters, or people involved in LE in other ways, such as building our cruisers. It's an unfortunate way of living, but, I think once we;re in LE, we tend to stay within groups of public safety minded people. Besides, it never hurts to network with other departments, and keep options open ... It's easy to do here in the Bay Area, where there are at least 11 different agencies between where I work and where I live. And right now, I only live 23 miles from work. I was living 42 miles from work, and at that point, there were at least 15-18 agencies, as well as 3 or 4 different CHP offices. Having a take-home motorcycle, and being the only officer with a blue helmet, they all knew me, so I figured I should know them. Plus, it opened a lot of training opportunities.

In short, it almost can't be helped that the majority of friends will be cops, whether from your own department, or neighboring ones. Once we take the oath, and pin on the badge, we have to be careful of who we hang out with, and what activites we take part in. Even events in our "off-duty" time can come back to harm us ...