ftrphx's mom

[Blonde Heat]

Well i guess its time for an update since i need to vent. My moms cancer is not going to go away with radiation therapy. She has finished her treatment on her pelvic area and her bone treatment and all it did was succeed in burning the lining of her stomach and make it where she can no longer eat solid foods. So now i have to watch her while she starves to death. I am wondering how long someone can live on ensure?

On a brighter note i got a promotion to GM Manager pending my dicision. Which my new motto is whats in it for me, so i am in the bartering stage for sunday off since that is an academy day. I look back to a couple months ago and how dissapointed i was because of my boss, my mom, and the go ahead on the academy was not happening fast enough and it all seems trivial in the fact that i am going to loose my mom and my dog real soon. And i feel so selfish for being happy that i am one step closer to becoming a cop and i now have the opportunity for a great job at the grocery store as a manager. (finally) :( I feel like i should take a leave at work and stick by her side and at the same time am wondering why i feel this way about a person who was so mean and hateful to me as a kid. She was never there for me and i practically raised myself. :confused: I just don't understand how its hard for me to watch this person die and know deep down that if it were reversed she would not be there for me. :(

[Snoopy1]

Good or bad, she is still your mother and you wouldn't be here without her. It is hard to sit by and watch someone slowly die. Only a cruel person could do that and not feel anything. But you are not selfish for enjoying the good things that happen to you.

[wonderwoman]

I am sorry to hear about your mom and yet happy for you about the good things in life.

As for your mom and how she treated you, I will pass on some words of wisdom given to me. No matter how people treat you, you are responsible for how you treat others, and their mistreatment of you is not reason for you to lower yourself to their level. You will know in your heart that you stood by your mom and you will continue to be stronger for it and have no regrets.

Wishing you the best.

[klar]

I know how hard it is to stand around and watch a person die. I was there two years ago with my grandmother as she wasted away. It is not something that will be easy or fun but you can do all that you can to make her comfortable and hopefully free of pain. I think even though she was not kind to you she will appriciate the kindness and goodness that you show her. I can only hope that you are strong and can make it through the acadamy and get into your dream job while caring for her. I wish your the best of luck and know that we are here for you and will help you in any way we can.

Klar

[Joseph]

You feel that way about your mother because you have a good heart and you know the right thing to do even though things weren't good for you. It's hard to watch someone slowly die but if you do pray, do it, and look to the future of geting in the academy and knowing you did the right thing with your mother. Good Luck.

[shooter1201]

My condolences. I went through a similar incident with a family member and prostate cancer. The radiation 'treatment' literally 'cooked' his bladder. Hypobaric(?) treatments didn't help, and he fought the morphine given for the pain. Hang in there...we're all with you if you need us.

[Friday]

You'll be a great officer because you can give compassion to those who can't give it back.

Somewhere in her spirit, she thanks you. And you will know you did the right thing under very difficult circumstances.

All suffering builds character if you let it.

Take care of yourself and follow your dream.

Friday

[Blonde Heat]

Thanks to all of you. I struggle with it daily because the kid in me wants to walk away and the adult in me wants to be there for her. Needless to say the adult is winning. My husband said i and i alone have to answer for how i treat her and she will have to answer for her own transgressions when her time comes. Believe it or not she has still not appologized for the horrible way she treated me as a kid. I just know that when my time comes i will make sure that i have to appologize to no one. I feel bad for her since i also believe that she does not think she ever did anything wrong. My sister is moving to Italy to be with her boyfriend just to get away from her. So now full responsibility falls to me. I hope i can make the right decisions with her care. :(

[ 04-08-2002: Message edited by: ftrphxcop ]