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Mitzi

03-02-2002, 02:12 AM

Actually, the whole thing was an absolute nightmare. My son looks like something out of a horror film. His head is swollen and he has 37 staples in his head. But, it doesn't bother him one bit. He is so brave and I am so proud of him.
It was not handled very well. First, a nurse came into the ICU and told us excitedly he was having the surgery. 10 minutes later, the dr came in and told us, no, he never said that. He said that the seizure activity was in David's speech area and could not be touched. He said he was very sorry, he could go to other institutions but there was nothing the he could do for him. Then he walked out of the room and we have not heard from him except for when he saw David one more time in the hospital.
It was all done, I feel, very coldly and I am not dealing with it very well. I had a breakdown 3 nights ago and ended up in the emergency room.
Well, those are the cold facts. Some people in real life have given me lectures that I should be stronger but, until you go through things in life, you have no idea how hard it is.
But, I WILL beat this stresss and depression. I am determined to. Thank you so much for all your caring. It does help a lot. Would you believe I am getting e-mail from people faulting me for being this upset and telling me they block me because I depress them? Well , if I am.....Their loss because, even with this stress and depression, I think I can still make people laugh.

[ 03-02-2002: Message edited by: Mitzi ]

jellybean40

03-02-2002, 03:21 AM

I'm sorry things did not turn out so good; i know having the surgery fix the seizures would have been great.

No one else can tell you how you should deal with it, or that you should be stronger. And sometimes putting on the strong face and holding things in can cause worse damage and a worse breakdown. Just get whatever help you need to deal with it, talk to people... professionals or just friends who really care.

I can believe anything about the internet, i have had unbelievably mean things done also. But that's all in the past and i've learned. I have also made great friends. So just remember they are out there too. ((((( Mitzi )))))

Mitzi

03-02-2002, 05:50 AM

I am feeling much stronger. My poor husband doesn't know how to deal with my tears though. He is much stronger then I am. He picks himself up, dusts himself off and walks on, usually emotionally dragging me behind him. lol He seems at such a loss as to why I got so upset, I had to go to the emergency room. I just sobbed and sobbed and could not stop. He was beside himself and could only muster, "Honey, WHAT is wrong?" lol They did give me a shot to calm me but I refuse to go on tranquilizers or anything. I don't understand how my husband can NOT understand what is wrong with me and he doesn't understand one bit why I am still so upset! lol
And as for these people that do say things that hurt like "You're depressing" or "You're upset all the time and we are tired of listening to it" PFFFFHHHHTTTT!! Until you go through something like this, you never know how upsetting it is It hurts. I had a friend tonight that came over to see how I was but everytime I talked about it, I could see her tune out and she would just turn her head and not handle it. She would always change the subject so I will never discuss it with her again.
Yet, I had another friend call me and cry with me. This is a friend that gave me this huge lecture a few months ago about being stronger, don't be a baby, stop crying and depressing everyone.....until she had a grandson born with a birth defect that is requiring many surgeries. She even apologized to me and said that she had no idea how devastating the illness of a loved one could be.
One thing is for sure though.....Life goes on. It may kick you in the butt, but it goes on.

[ 03-02-2002: Message edited by: Mitzi ]

Joseph

03-02-2002, 06:21 AM

Mitizi. I know exactly how you feel my wife died a few years ago I got very depressed and went and seen a doctor. Took 2 month's vacation and sick time then when back to work. The police dept. didn't give me any problems since it was a personal problem. I would work my 8 hours and hold everything in then the minute I walked out the station I had to live with reality of what had happened again. Crying is very good it gets it out of your system. If you hold it in it turns inward and you get more depressed. Hang in there girl. We all praying for you, David and the family. ;)

Mitzi

03-02-2002, 07:31 AM

I'm trying, Joseph. But, as you can see, I have been up all night. No tears, just no sleep.
I have a friend who's wife recently died of a heart attack. The funeral service was on their 41st wedding anniversary. He's so brave, even cracking jokes. I told him, "I know your heart is breaking. Cry." He turned and left and I prayed I had not angered him. Then he sent me and e-mail that said, "I cried all night and the sun is shining brighter this morning. Thank you."
I'm so sorry to hear about your wife, Joseph. I am taking this so hard with David, I wonder if I could ever survive the loss of him or my husband. Even tonight, after my husband was driving me home from the emergency room, he was upset, I know. But he just kpt telling me these hysterically funny jokes even as I sobbed. I was laughing and crying at the same time. He's a wonderful man I have been married to for almost 32 years. I don't know what I would do without him, even though we are very different.
At the store tonight, before the tears came, I was looking at the jewlery. I never buy any but I like to look. My husband walked by and I teased him and grabbed his arm and said, "Oh, honey, will you buy me a diamond?" He looked at the saleslady and said," Lady, I don't know who this woman is. She just accosted me as I walked by. Would you call the police please?" She cracked up laughing and so did I. Then, he walked me over to the diamonds and told me to pick something out. But, this time, I told him no. We just have to watch our money since he still has not found a job. And he told me later he did appreciate it because it would have strained the budget. Hey, maybe why I had the breakdown.....I didn't get a diamond! lol

Snoopy1

03-02-2002, 11:10 AM

I can't understand how anyone could be so crude as to say you are depressing them. I wonder how they would react under similar circumstances. I have even wondered how I would react if it had happened to one of my kids. I doubt I would be as strong as you have been.

Mitzi

03-02-2002, 05:06 PM

Thank you, Snoopy. But I don't feel strong. I felt so stupid, walking into that emergency room, sobbing and not able to look at anyone, I was so embarasssed. The doctor was very kind to me as he gave me the "sleepy" shot to calm me down. He wanted to give me tranquilizers but I refused them. I rarely take medications and it was a big deal I let them give me this shot. But I realized SOMETHING had to calm me down. I just could not stop crying. It was really embarassing to me and I am sure to my husband, tho he never said anything.
People have gone through a lot worse then me and I think handle it better then me.
There are all kinds of people out there in this world. Like I said, I have a friend who is a very strong woman. She's very "tough" from a hard life. She even told me at one time to quit bawling and acting like a baby and pull myself up by my bootstraps.....Then her only grandchild was born very ill with birth defects.
She called me, crying, apologizing all over the place. She said she just had NO idea how hard all this had been on me until her grandson was doing so ill. She said people just have no idea how it drains you. I told her I wasn't mad at her, because until you go through something like this, you just don't know what it is like. I am sure there are people on this forum that are real sick of Mitzi and her problems. But, for some reason, it helps me to type it out. So, pfhhhhttttt to them too! lol

207

03-03-2002, 03:09 PM

Originally posted by Mitzi:
 I am sure there are people on this forum that are real sick of Mitzi and her problems. But, for some reason, it helps me to type it out. So, pfhhhhttttt to them too! lol

Mitzi, I can tell you that I'm not one of them and you can e-mail me directly if you want to "vent".
I've read all of your posts and I'm sorry things didn't work out for David the way you hoped.
I realize that a most of your posts enable you to release that stress and depression while at the same time you're able to throw in a little wit here and there. Good for you, get rid of that stress.

I've been doing basically the same thing, relieving stress. I'm putting my thoughts to another use so that I don't dwell on things that are going on around me including work related stuff. After a year long battle with heart trouble I lost my mother at the end of last Oct. At the same time my older brother had to be placed in an assisted living facility and will be there for the rest of his life no doubt, and then this morning I get home from doing a double shift, only to be awakened about an hour later by a telephone call that my father-in-law lost HIS battle with heart trouble and died. Needless to say my wife is distraught more than me.

Well, enough of the rambling on. I just wanted to let you know that I'm here and I'll listen. I may not be eloquent in the words of compassion but I'm here for you as I'm sure many other people on this board are.

Take care, and don't give up.

Blonde Heat

03-03-2002, 07:47 PM

Mitzi, whoever said this is a horrible person. I can relate to your problems very much and it does break my heart to hear that people can be so unkind.

I at times find dealing with my mom's cancer has put me on edge with certain unfeeling people and since i am a firm believer that what go's around comes around. It makes me feel better that one day they will have to wear the shoes. Not to feel the pain of dealing with an illness but to feel the pain of other people saying what a cry baby. Get over it! Then they can see how it feels and i can bet it will suck for them. I am still here if you wish to talk thru PM. ;)

jellybean40

03-03-2002, 10:01 PM

Originally posted by ftrphxcop:

I at times find dealing with my mom's cancer has put me on edge with certain unfeeling people and since i am a firm believer that what go's around comes around.

I have seen it with my mother's cancer, and i found that i personally had to toughen up for my OWN good in certain situations. It's better for me to be there for her, than to waste my time letting the idiots get me down.

I do think that some people are just uncomfortable with sickness and death, and dont know how to talk about it. But with my job (USPS), when i originally had to take my mom twice a month to chemo, her appointments were scheduled for Mondays. I was asked by my supervisor, couldnt they schedule it for a different day of the week...Mondays were our busiest day!? There is no way to answer someone like that. I just stared.

Blonde Heat

03-04-2002, 01:51 AM

My boss said something familiar. I asked her if i could leave work to take my mom to radiation and she said point blank if you can find someone to come in early. i told her i would come cack i just needed an hour to tend to my mom, its not like she could have drove herself. At that particular point i just lost all respect for my boss. so now i schedule my hours at work so that i never have to work with her again. :mad: which means i now have to work till 10 pm every night.

Mitzi

03-04-2002, 01:55 AM

Thanks so much all of you. Today has been another really bad day. I simply can not stop crying. I have decided to go to the dr. It hurts that my H and son don't understand. My son has been very, very sweet up to this point but tonight they both yelled, "GET OVER IT! We are tired of watching you cry!" I tyu, I really do. My problem is I don't want to take meds. THey make me feel goofy, like I shouldn't even be driving and I don't.
On a humurous note, I kept trying to find a place a the hospital just to be alone to cry it out. The chapel was the only place and even then, people walked in, of course, with their own fears over their own loved ones problems. I find another room and here comes another big family who decided to sit there because it was more comfortable there then the waiting room. I aked them if I could have the room just a bit longer, tears streaming down my eyes and one old man said, "Sorry, these chiars are a lot modre comfortable then the waiting room. Go find a corner and hide your face and cry. No one knows you." I was too worn out to argue but, OOPS, I did spil half my diet coke on him. I was so sorry :)
I found a very small alcove to cry and this very well meaning woman says, "I give good hugs....Come here!" She was very kind. I ended up in the womens bathroom in a stall with my head up against the wall, crying and telling those knocking on the door to see if I was ok that I just needed to cry.
When I came back to the waiting room, there was my scowling husband, who said I was being weak.
I said, "**#*&&#^#%#&$,you **&&&^^!" lol He got a very surprised look on his face! LOL!

Fastie

03-04-2002, 03:23 AM

Originally posted by Mitzi:
"Sorry, these chiars are a lot modre comfortable then the waiting room. Go find a corner and hide your face and cry. No one knows you." I was too worn out to argue but, OOPS, I did spil half my diet coke on him. I was so sorry :)

Mitzi you are soooo funny !!!! LOL.... don't ever think people are getting tired of "all your problems".... you are a wonderful person who loves her son very much. You bring a lot to this group. Anyone that can't respect your feelings has a problem.... I'm really sorry the surgery didn't work out. Sometimes you just need to take care of yourself. If you need to cry for a week non-stop then do it. You waited so long and went through so much to get to this point. It's obviously got to be a big disappointment and let down. I know you don't want to take any medications but sometimes it can help. Maybe your doctor can prescribe something very mild that you can just use if you really really need it (when you aren't planning on driving). As for feeling "goofy", how much more goofy could you possibly get than spilling diet coke on an old man and crying in a bathroom stall.... :D .... I think most of us have been there or in a similar situation for one reason or another (at least the females around here, I have a little trouble picturing Sgt Dave and the other manly men crying in a bathroom stall, but who knows..). Hang in there, you have so many stories and experiences to share with all of us. Thank you for being here. :)

[ 03-04-2002: Message edited by: Fast_1 ]

klar

03-04-2002, 03:34 AM

LOL I can imagine hearing you cussing like that mitzi All I can say is shame on you LOL. I think that the doc did the right thing. IF he had removed that from davids brain and it effected his speech skills it could be a long time before he was able to speak if he spoke at all. I am sure that something will come out of this that will make things right. All I can say is hang on and pray. The good lord knows what he is doing and I am sure that the right treatment will be coming along and that David can get the help he needs and you can once again have a more happy outlook on the future. I think that time will help heal the hurt you are now feeling and that the hoplessness that your feeling will go away. I know you may feel inadequate about being there to help your son get better but I can say that you being there through thick and thin for him is proving to him just how much you actually care for him and how much you will always will be there for him. I just hope that you are able to get some sleep and be able to awake to a fresh new day a day that could bring the hopes that you are looking for to your door. Good luck on everything that is going on and hang in there hope is not lost yet. As long as there is breath in his lungs and a smile upon his face the hope will always be there.

Klar

Mitzi

03-04-2002, 07:09 AM

You know what? I was just thinking.....DARN! I should have gone in the MEN'S bathroom and gone in a stalll and cried! lol I bet I would have had total privacy! lol Wait....maybe not! lol
Somehow, someway, I will make it through this. I go to the dr tomorrow.
I do wonder what that poor man thought when I did accidentally ( :) ) spill my diet coke on him. It really WAS an accident. Really. I was so worn out and my eyes so full of tears, I probably looked and acted like a drunk. lol And I spilled it on his stomach and crotch! lol! Again, I was too worn out to really care. His family members jumped up to help him but I never looked back. lol They better be glad I was a tired Mitzi or I would have shouted them all out of there.
I have to remember so many go through so much worse then us. I'm sure, to many people, this problem seems like an easy one to handle compared to what others go through and they keep a better look-out on life too.
It's just that the illness of a loved one (and I'm sure the death of one) is just so emotionally draining. My friend that took a tough stance with me years ago and now has a very sick grandson she is helping to raise is in worse shape then I am. When the baby almost died, I went over there and she was just crying and crying and crying. She told me she felt like a bowlful of jello and she was SO sorry she had been so tough with me beore her grandson was born. I just kept my arm around her and told her to just cry.....so both of us bowls full of jello just sat there until we couldn't cry anymore. lol
Somehow, life goes on. But, if you have healthy kids, believe me, you have EVERYTHING. Hug them often. I hug my son a lot, even though he sometiimes rolls his eyes, lol, but he always hugs me back.

Fastie

03-04-2002, 10:50 PM

Originally posted by Mitzi:
It really WAS an accident. Really. I was so worn out and my eyes so full of tears, I probably looked and acted like a drunk. lol And I spilled it on his stomach and crotch! lol!

LOL

Mitzi, thank you for making me smile and laugh, I really really needed it today..

Mitzi

03-05-2002, 05:27 AM

Oh, you are quite welcome. I'm sure all the people at the hospital will remember me for years to come. lol! I hope the next time he goes back, if he has to, we get better news. He and his Dad are just fine.....happy-go-lucky and smiling. I still look like a tired old drunk. :eek:
I got an e-mail from someone I don't like very much :) telling me to stop whining. I sent back one word....PPFFFHHHTTTT! :cool:

TexReserve

03-05-2002, 01:39 PM

Mitzi, you can whine to me in an email all you want to. Any time. Until someone has gone through a personal tragedy they don't need to tell any one how to act.

As far as your reply to those who email you, I would have just one word to tell them, and that is "KISSMYAZZ".

You and your family remain in my prayers. God bless you.

Tex

Snoopy1

03-05-2002, 02:13 PM

There is one consolation in your situation. Perhaps "consolation" isn't a good word to use but I couldn't think of a more appropriate word.

There will be no more tests, no more sitting around waiting for results that aren't what you are hoping for, and no more waiting for doctors to decide what to do next.

Besides, in this day of miracles perhaps some day someone will come up with a technique that will work.

I always try to be optimistic but it isn't easy sometimes.